


His Penance [Riren/Ereri Fanfic]

by DiabLolita



Series: The HP Series [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Big Gay Love Story, Blowjobs, Bottom Eren Yeager, Dancer Eren Yeager, Eren Yeager Is a Tease, Eren is so needy, F/M, Family Drama, Fluff and Smut, Fraternities & Sororities, From Sex to Love, I mean VERY rough sex, LGBTQ Themes, LGBTQ activism, Levi has a temper, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Miscommunication, Multi, PLEASE JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER, Rough Sex, Sequel, Shameless Smut, Shibari, Slice of Life, Threesome - M/M/M, Top Levi Ackerman, Trouble In Paradise, Unhealthy Relationships, eren and levi both have mental health issues, mikasa is a psychopath
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 13:41:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 73,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30140424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiabLolita/pseuds/DiabLolita
Summary: Levi and Eren have taken their first steps on the path to a new relationship, but that path is far from clear. Are the promises of the past enough to keep them together?Welcome back to my world, Lovelies! We pick up with my Eternal Darlings, Eren and Levi, exactly where we left them at the end of His Promise, home for the holidays and primed for some angst and drama. We can look forward to lots of Eren's adorable confusion, more of Levi's insecure brooding and an expansion of Mikasa's character in this volume (not to mention lots of delicious, steamy smut 😳).This is a modern alternative universe based on the characters from Attack on Titan. I do not own them, but I have expanded them to fit my world. Enjoy!Want to start at the beginning? Go to my bio and check out His Promise.♡DiLo
Relationships: Annie Leonhart/Erwin Smith, Armin Arlert/Ymir, Furlan Church/Isabel Magnolia, Levi Ackerman & Eren Yeager, Levi Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein, Moblit Berner & Hange Zoë, Moblit Berner/Hange Zoë, Sasha Blouse/Connie Springer
Series: The HP Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2218356
Comments: 9
Kudos: 10





	1. Homecoming

A cold wind swept around Levi's body as he closed the hatch of the Prius with a light thud. The storm had been heavier on this side of town, leaving the sidewalk and walkway up to the Yeager residence coated in a fine dusting of powdery snow. Levi shouldered his duffel bag and made his way gingerly to the curb, secretly grateful that he had stashed his crutches in the trunk. He really didn't need them anymore, but with ice and snow on the ground and his leg less than 100%, they were most welcome. The possibility of wiping out and injuring himself on Eren's doorstep (under Mikasa's gloating face) was more mortifying than using his crutches. 

Levi looked up at the house with concealed uncertainty as he shuffled up the front walk. When he moved into the Ackerman's semi-detached home as a child, he thought that was a palace. Any place would have, after the rent-controlled roach motel he lived in with his dad. But Eren's family home was on a whole other level. A beautiful two story Craftsman rose behind elegantly manicured hedges. Lights shone cheerfully from the double -gabled windows upstairs and Christmas lights twinkled from around the two large picture windows behind the covered, screened-in patio that made up the front of the house. 

Eren was always so adorably humble and kind that it never occurred to Levi to ask what kind of background he came from. Obviously, he came from  _ money _ . Levi swallowed hard.  _ Well fuck _ . He had worked since the day he turned sixteen, twelve actually, if he counted mowing lawns and shoveling snow. If he counted all the time he spent shopping, cooking, cleaning and looking after his dad, he barely remember a time he hadn't been struggling to support himself. He had learned how to scrimp and save and pay rent while he was still in high school, dividing his precious paychecks so he could pay the Hanji's for his room and board and save up money for a car. He didn't have parents or a family to fall back on...if he failed, he had none but himself to blame. When he succeeded, on the other hand, he had every right to be proud. 

Even with the ROTC paying his school fees and being awarded an alumni scholarship from ARO, he still kept a part time job, just so that he would never be in the position to go hungry or be homeless ever again. He was a survivor. Levi accepted that a person from his background would always struggle and never wasted any mental energy wishing things could be different. He never really thought about how another person would fit into his life, since he had never really had another person he would consider tying his life to. Now he had Eren. But could Eren accept his limitations? 

He affectionately thought of his boyfriend as a bit of a princess, but he never realized how right he was. He had fallen hard for the aqua-eyed beauty and had been unable to stop his thoughts short of imagining a misty future for them both. He knew his path, he had chosen it long ago. He was destined for a military career. After graduation he would leave to 'seek his fortune.' He knew it wasn't going to be a luxurious life, but it was what he wanted. He imagined Eren by his side, wherever in the world they may be, creating a home for him to return to when he took a break from saving the world.

Seeing where Eren grew up cast that nebulous future into a cloud of doubt. Could a princess be happy with a soldier's life? He could never provide Eren with the comfort he was accustomed to here…and he hadn't even seen the inside of the house yet.

Levi made his way up the stairs and stood awkwardly inside the screened-in porch while Carla Yeager hugged her children and ushered them through the door. He had met the diminutive brunette when he was in the hospital recovering from the injuries he sustained, after confronting the mass shooter at Paradis University, barely a month before. Eren's mother was the spirit of kindness (a trait she had passed on to her son, along with her stunning good looks and gentle manner) but she had a sharp mind and a backbone of steel. He could never bring himself to call another person "mom" after his own mother passed away, but Carla came as close as a person could to what he imagined having a mother would be like. Not that he would ever tell her that.

It was still cold, but the structure of the house cut off the worst of the wind. 

"Oh Levi, there you are! What is my guest of honor doing hiding in the shadows?" 

He couldn't help the thought that sprang instantly to the front of his mind.  _ I'm where I belong... _

Carla threw her arms around his neck and gave him a gentle peck on the cheek before nearly pushing him through the doorway. The inside of the house was just as beautiful as the outside. A curved staircase climbed up the second story foyer. To the right, Levi could see a large but cozy living room, complete with a Christmas-special-worthy cheerily crackling fire. To the left was a bright, beautiful, country style kitchen with white cabinets and countertops, decorated in splashes of black and yellow. 

Levi sat on a bench by the door and untied his shoes, narrowing his eyes at Eren who had started tracking slush into the house.  _ Tch _ . Eren caught his look and slipped his (very inappropriate-for-the-weather) shoes off his feet. Levi felt satisfaction warm him as Carla peppered her children with an endless stream of questions about finals and the drive home. Even at home, Eren seemed just as attuned to him as he had been at school.

Finally, after concluding her thorough inquest, Carla pronounced that they all absolutely  _ must _ be starving, and lead the way to the dining room, which looked like it had been set for a formal dinner. 

Feeling extremely out of place, Levi hung back as Eren and Mikasa good naturedly brought several prepared dishes of food to the table. As little as he would like to admit it, a combination of the cold and the long car ride did have his leg feeling stiff enough that he couldn't really help. Sitting and being served while everyone else contributed might be something he was accustomed to in the Fraternity, but here, it just didn't seem right. 

Professional photographs (of what looked like generations of Yeagers) adorned the walls and marched dutifully up the staircase. A family portrait hung right across from the stair landing. Levi felt his heart squeeze as he looked at the photo. Eren must have been about 10 years old when it was taken. His face was smooth and round and only hinted at the heartbreakingly beautiful man he would become. His hair was untamable, as always, and his mouth was pulled into the same bright smile that melted Levi's heart. It was his eyes, though, that captured Levi and made it difficult for him to back away. His bright, ocean eyes, an impossible mixture of green and blue stared out of the photo, full of light and laughter.

They were not the eyes of a boy who had watched his mother ripped in half and devoured by a Titan. They were the eyes of a boy who lived a happy and tranquil life, surrounded by love and comfort. Levi felt a wave of unease ripple through his body. He had not remembered his distant past until a couple of weeks ago, when the trauma of the school shooting brought back his memories. Even so, he knew that even without the memories of his 'Titan Slicing' days, his eyes had never laughed like that.

In  _ that _ life, both he and Eren had traumatically lost their mothers. The boy he had known, the one from the past he had fallen in love with, had been filled with a different kind of light. A drive for revenge that ached to set the world on fire to cleanse it of evil. A need to deal death that matched or even exceeded Levi's own. Fate had bonded them amidst blood and death and unimaginable pain. He had been  _ that _ Eren's salvation. His family, his home, his world. That Eren, he knew.  _ This _ Eren...this bright, beautiful boy with a family, a home, and a legacy...was a stranger. His head spun with the conflict. In that world, he would have done anything to wipe away all of Eren's pain. He had settled with channeling that pain into purpose. Now, here he was, flooded with shame that his blasphemous heart was wishing  _ this _ Eren had experienced just a tiny bit of  _ that _ sorrow so he would recognize the man he loved in those eyes. There is no way this Eren could feel as deeply for him as that Eren had...

Without that bond...

He could never be good enough for  _ this _ Eren. He had nothing to offer this person that he didn't already have. Eren spoke of love...but was love really enough? Levi mentally shrugged. He wasn't old enough to understand what it meant to feel loved before his mother died and he was damn near certain no one had actually loved him since.

Cold that had nothing to do with the weather seeped through Levi's core.

"There you are! I feel like you blend in with the shadows around here. Mom wants us to eat before the food gets cold…"

Levi barely suppressed the urge flinch as he felt Eren's warm body press against his back and arms wind around his torso.  _ Where the hell did he come from? _ Nobody ever got the drop on him. A fact that wouldn't be lost on his lover. Levi sighed, Eren seemed to be the exception to all of his rules. 

Eren rested his chin on Levi's shoulder and spoke low in his ear.

"Are you okay, Levi?"

"Yeah. Just looking at the photos."

"Hah, yeah I remember this one! It was taken the day before Mikasa and I left for summer camp. Mom didn't want to wait until we got back since I always managed to get some kind of scar running right across the middle of my face…"

Eren paused for his reaction. He realized a moment too late that he should have had a sarcastic response locked and loaded. Eren slipped away from him and turned him around, putting his hands on Levi's shoulders. Eren had about four inches of height on him, which he ordinarily found extremely sexy, but it irritated him when the younger man stooped slightly to search his gaze.

"Seriously Levi, you're freaking me out. First I actually  _ snuck up _ on you without even trying and now you are not teasing me about my terminal clumsiness? Was the drive too much? If you want to go lay down my mom will understand."

Levi shook his head and forced a small smile. He placed his hands over Eren's on his shoulders and drew them down until they were clasped between their bodies.

"I'm really fine. My leg is a bit stiff but it doesn't hurt at all. Besides, I wouldn't do that to your mom. Lead the way."

Eren looked at him for another moment, an adorable little crease appearing between his eyebrows and sighed, before brightening and flashing Levi with his hundred watt smile.

"Have it your way, boss."

Eren leaned in to brush a kiss across his cheek, but Levi turned his head and pressed their lips together. He stepped into Eren's warmth and let just a little of his hunger and desperation leak into the kiss, taking charge easily. Feeling insecure and out of his depth was not a space Levi occupied frequently and he was starting to piss himself off with his own internal whining. Eren's breathing hitched and he felt the younger man's body sway against him before he reluctantly started to pull back. Levi warred with indecision for a moment. If he just applied a little bit of force, he could have this boy whimpering and melting against him, begging for more. Which was most definitely  _ not _ appropriate for the time or the place.  _ But still a damn tempting thought. _

Spots of color decorated Eren's cheeks and he blinked dreamily when Levi finally pushed him back. Eren sighed and rolled his eyes. 

"I get it, you're fine."

Gripping his hand tightly, Eren lead him down the hallway and into the dining room where Carla and Mikasa were already sitting, chatting to each other. Levi's heart twisted with in an unexpected rush of jealousy when he saw how Carla and Mikasa interacted. He knew in passing that Eren's harpy of a sister was adopted, and seeing her relationship with her 'mother' poured salt into wounds Levi thought had closed long ago. He tugged hesitantly on Eren's hand as they walked past the empty place setting at the head of the table. Eren turned and shrugged.

"He doesn't usually come home for dinner."

Of course. Eren's father, renowned surgeon and scientist Grisha Yeager practically lived at the hospital.

Levi sat down, secretly pleased when Eren didn't let go of his hand. He enjoyed it even more when he saw Mikasa staring daggers at him and gave her a malicious, shit-eating grin. 

He let the younger man's warmth travel up his arm and settle into his body where it could start to thaw his unease. They had gotten this far together and Levi wasn't one to dwell in the past. He and Eren had time to figure out their relationship and where they would take it without the threat of people getting their heads ripped off, which was definitely a good thing. He glanced at Mikasa who was still glaring at their intertwined fingers on the table.  _ Well, not ripped off by Titans at least... _

_ This _ Eren might not have the same pain as the one he once knew, but he was still the person who made Levi ache.  _ And who knows? Maybe I am worried over nothing. Maybe love is enough. _


	2. Any Reason

Eren tossed and turned in his bed, as restless as the wind that howled outside his bedroom window. He was completely unable to relax knowing that  _ Levi _ was in  _ his _ house two floors below, maybe tossing and turning just as he was, and he couldn't crawl into bed beside him. The fact that Levi usually slept naked only made things worse for his overactive imagination. Cuddling with Levi and stirring him up in the car had been fun, and that  _ kiss! _ in the hallway before dinner, had left him wanting so much more. 

Frustration licked up his spine and made his fingers fist his sheets. He closed his eyes and lowered his hands to his waist, tracing the path his boyfriend's fingers had followed in the car when they slipped under the hem of his shirt and caressed his skin. The fact that he couldn't follow through on his teasing was torture, not to mention the distinct twinge of guilt he felt over what Levi must be going through right now. Still, it wasn't just erotic fantasies that were keeping him awake.

Eren's mind ranged back over the evening. Levi had been his usual, composed self but he just seemed...off...in a way that was difficult to pin down. It wasn't as if he acted particularly strangely during dinner- he spoke when spoken to, which was his way in general. It was the incident in the hall before dinner (and before that incredible kiss) that had Eren concerned. He had  _ never _ been able to take Levi by surprise- not once in the months they had known each other. Despite the fact that he got less sleep than any normal human needed to function, his senses were so sharp it had become something of a running joke in the Fraternity.  _ Nobody _ got one past Master Levi. But tonight he was distracted.  _ By what? _ Eren had come to recognize when his boyfriend was in pain and his abstraction earlier had been of a different sort. 

Eren tossed again, this time flopping fully over onto his stomach. Unfortunately it didn't help dislodge the other thing that was bothering him more: the fact that Levi lied to him. Levi Ackerman was scrupulously honest, even when the subject was something he really didn't want to talk about. Yet tonight, he had insisted on retiring immediately after dinner, using his leg as an excuse.  _ Bullshit _ . 

Eren shoved his face into his pillow. He had done so much to get Levi here, so they could be together over the holidays, but the moment they walked in the door he started feeling distance between them. He had expected his mother to not let Levi stay in his bedroom, but putting him in the basement instead of the upstairs guest room (two whole floors away!) was excessive. When they were told of the sleeping arrangements, Eren had started to object but Levi was fine with it (he had shut Eren down instantly with a stern look and a raised eyebrow) and his mother insisted that their guest needed a quiet space to rest and heal. His mom also made a passing comment that ' _ this arrangement would be best for everyone _ '. His parents had never struck him as particularly conservative in the past and he had no intention of being celibate for the next three weeks. Still...he could give one night for his mother's arbitrary rules.  _ It's not like he's gonna get me pregnant… _

Eren groaned and settled deeper into his mattress. They usually had sex facing eachother, but sometimes when Levi got really aggressive he would push him down and take him from behind in exactly this position.  _ If I twist just a little bit I might be able to reach.. _ . Eren was about to slip his hand under the waistband of his shorts to provide a temporary solution to his frustration when his door creaked open and soft padded footsteps approached his bed. Eren bit his lip, hope flaring in his chest that it was Levi, coming to make him pay for his teasing and relieve some frustration of his own, when Mikasa's voice whispered out of the darkness.

"You awake, Ren?"

Eren frowned and sat up. Mikasa hadn't called him that since they were kids. 

"Yeah Mikki, I can't sleep."

Eren scooted over and flipped the covers back enough for his sister to slide into bed, sending up a quick prayer to Fate that she hadn't walked in a few minutes later. Watching her brother, face down in his mattress, knuckle deep, fingering his ass probably wouldn't be something she would be able to forget...

"Me neither. I hated sharing a room at first, but it feels weird not to have another person around at night now."

Eren grunted his assent. He wasn't the only one who struggled with nightmares. He left  _ his _ behind in his early years but Mikasa suffered well into elementary school. They never spoke about the car accident that killed her parents, but he had a feeling it played a starring role in her nightmares. 

Eren drew Mikasa to his side and let her snuggle into his shoulder as she used to when they were kids. For months, it was the only way she could sleep for more than a few hours at a time. Eren sighed. She may seem gruff and bitchy to...well...everyone...but she would always be his little sister. Mikasa was a good person and loyal to a fault. He felt guilty over how much he had neglected her while pledging ARO. Those early days they spent together had formed a bond between them that was unbreakable, even though it seemed they were both testing the limits of that lately.

Eren forced himself to relax, resigning himself to a long sleepless night. His eyes widened when he realized how catastrophic it would have been if Mikasa had crept into his bedroom while he and Levi were 'in the throes'.  _ Is that what mom had had in mind when she suggested the separation? _ His sister seemed to be blaming Levi for everything she didn't approve of in Eren's life right now; If things were bad between Mikasa and Levi now, her walking on them having sex would be absolutely disastrous. 

He hated the mysterious enmity that seemed to exist between his sister and his boyfriend. As far as he knew, the two had nothing to do with one another apart from their mutual interactions with him.  _ How can two people who almost never interacted share such an intense, mutual dislike? _

In moments, Mikasa was gently snoring beside him. She and Levi were the two most important people in his life... _ no that's night quite right, is it? _ If he was being honest, Mikasa was a close second, but that first spot belonged to  _ Levi _ now and he doubted that would ever change. He would  _ kill _ for Mikasa, but he would  _ die _ for Levi. He knew that, even if it wasn't something he would admit out loud. Still, this cold war between them couldn't continue. Somehow he had to help them fix whatever had gone wrong in their relationship so they could all coexist peacefully. Luckily, he had all of Winter Break to figure it out.

° ☆ °

Unfortunately, when Eren came down for breakfast the next morning, groggy and irritated from lack of sleep, he was greeted by Mikasa and Levi bickering across the breakfast table like an old married couple. Neither showed any sign that it was a friendly argument. He caught the middle of Levi's sentence,

"...who says a Vegan lifestyle can't be properly balanced? Show me  _ one _ study. People don't take it on because they are lazy...that's all there is to it."

Mikasa leaned forward, vitriol pouring from her glare.

"Oh now you're calling me lazy? How many migrant workers had to leave their families to supply you with your flax-bread avocado toasts?"

"I don't know, probably as many as it takes to harvest the sugar cane that goes into all of  _ your _ bullshit food."

Carla Yeager sidled quietly up beside her son and passed him a glass of orange juice and piece of buttered toast. She indicated the breakfast bar,

"You might want to sit over here. This has been going on for at least twenty minutes and I'm honestly not brave enough to get in between them. At least they've moved on from arguing over the merits of free trade chocolate."

Eren shrugged at his mom and kept his voice pitched low.

"He's not even a Vegan."

Carla rolled her eyes.

"Any reason to argue, then…"

Eren surveyed the scene. The breakfast table was pushed up against an upholstered window seat at the front of the kitchen that had two chairs along the interior facing the window. Mikasa sat on the cushion and Levi sat in the chair that was farthest from her across the table. Eren smiled. No better way to end an argument than to literally come between the combatants. Without concern for his own safety, he placed his food on the table and completely without preamble sat down on Levi's lap and scooted across until he could shimmy onto the banquette, leaving his legs resting across Levi's lap. His interruption had two pleasant outcomes, first, the room went peacefully silent and second, he had Levi's undivided attention. 

Steel grey eyes stared at him, Levi's expression softening as if the heated argument he was in the middle of was now completely irrelevant. Eren took full advantage of this and leaned over, brushing a chaste kiss across his boyfriend's carved marble lips. 

"Good morning. How did you sleep?"

Levi exhaled and gave Eren a meaningful look.

"The usual."

Given that Levi's "usual" was crippling insomnia, that probably meant he got just about as much sleep as Eren. He hadn't meant for his little ruse to turn into a full on intimate moment, but he couldn't keep his hand from lifting and brushing across Levi's brow and down his cheek. His other hand crept up Levi's arm to rest on his shoulder- enjoying the rock-solid feel of his body through the soft cotton of his  _ Linkin Park _ t-shirt. It never ceased to amaze him how perfectly balanced Levi's handsome face was. Or how it always seemed to be looking at him. 

"What can I do?"

Levi brushed his hand off on his napkin and closed his arms around Eren's torso, pulling him halfway back onto his lap. He murmured his response into Eren's neck,

"You're doing it."

Mikasa's irritated growl shattered the moment. She slid off the bench and rose to her feet, nearly knocking over the second chair in her haste.

"For the  _ love _ of  _ God _ ! Some of us are trying to eat in here!" 

Levi ignored Mikasa as if she didn't exist, but Eren pulled back and cast his sister an apologetic smile. Before he could say anything, Carla materialized next to the table and set down a large platter of fried eggs and bacon. 

"Mikasa dear, since you are standing, would you mind grabbing some napkins? We seem to be all out over here."

Mikasa huffed an annoyed "fine," and stalked off to the dining room to find the replacement napkins. 

Carla sat in the unoccupied chair and smiled cheerfully at the two boys, leaning close conspiratorially.

"I'm sorry about that, Levi. I don't know who taught that daughter of mine how to treat a guest. She certainly didn't learn that behavior in  _ this _ house."

Levi gave his mother the ghost of a smile.

"I'm sure she didn't, Mrs. Yeager."

Eren shifted as the vibration of Levi's low voice sent a shiver through his body. It was too unfair that this man had him getting hard from as little as  _ that _ . 

Carla frowned, not seeming to notice Eren's reaction. 

"Tsk! I thought I told you to call me Carla! You make me sound so old."

Levi cracked a more genuine smile at that remark. Eren loved seeing him smile and was momentarily lost in it. 

"You would still be the most beautiful woman I know."

Carla's face flushed a delicate shade of pink and she suddenly found the woodgrain of the tabletop fascinating. Eren watched his mother, who giggled like a schoolgirl and fanned her cheeks surreptitiously, with wide eyes. Since when was Levi so damn smooth? He mentally shrugged. Of course others wouldn't be immune to Levi's charm. 

Carla glanced at her son out of the corner of her eye.

"He's a keeper this one! Now look, you have me all flustered. Enough of all that! Everyone, eat!"

Eren scooted back to his own seat, instantly longing for Levi's lap again, satisfying himself with leaving his legs up. He scooped a healthy serving of bacon and eggs onto his plate while Levi looked on in mild disgust. Not willing to give up his mom's maple and cinnamon bacon, he preemptively changed the subject. 

"Did you take your meds, babe?"

Levi gave him a rueful grimace and nodded. Carla answered for him, winking at Levi.

"No need to worry about that, dear, with a real nurse hanging around."

Eren nodded, satisfied as Mikasa regained the room and slid back into her seat.

"Don't bother offering  _ that one _ bacon, mom."

Levi stayed silent but Carla was having none of Mikasa's rudeness.

"That's enough, Mika. Leave Levi alone."

Mikasa grumbled in defeat. If Eren hadn't been watching Levi's face he wouldn't have seen the glimmer of triumph that flashed in his eyes. He couldn't help but feel impressed. Levi was typically such a straightforward person, it was hard to imagine him capable of so skillfully manipulating a situation...yet he had done it without batting a dusky eyelash. He caught Eren's eye over his tea cup and winked before turning his attention back to his avocado toast. 

Carla tactfully ignored the fact that Levi didn't twitch a muscle in the direction of the food she laid out. 

"So, what will you kids be doing today?"

Eren started speaking with his mouth stuffed full of food and stopped to sheepishly swallow when he caught Levi's reproving look.

"Mm ah, I was hoping, if you feel up to it, Levi, that we could do some Christmas shopping today?" 

Mikasa piped up, even though no one had been looking at her.

"Ugh, shopping? Count me  _ out _ ."

Levi cocked his head to the side and nodded slowly. Eren had the sneaking suspicion that Levi's smile was more for Mikasa's benefit than because Levi felt like smiling. It didn't reach his eyes. 

"Sounds like a great idea, honey."

Carla nodded as well, looking like the cat that swallowed the canary.  _ Honestly, she is enjoying this too much. It's not like I've never had a boyfriend... _

"That sounds lovely! You boys go off and have fun and I can spend some time with my darling daughter."

Eren couldn't decide whether that last bit had been a threat or not. Judging from the strained look on his mother's face, Mikasa was in for it the second they left.  _ Better not delay then. _ Eren shoveled down the last of his food gulped his juice. 

"Are you ready to go?"

Levi had already finished his toast and was in the middle of draining his teacup. He set it down in it's saucer with a delicate clink and stood up so that Eren wouldn't have to climb over him again.  _ Damn, I kind of wanted to slide across you again...  _

"After you."

Eren beamed up at him.

"Can I drive?"

"No."

"Aw, come on! You didn't even think about it."

"No."

"Pleeeeeeease?"

"Shockingly, still no."

Carla's voice drifted to them in the hallway as they wrapped themselves in their outerwear. 

"Have fun!"

"Thanks mom! Byeeeeeee!"


	3. Doctor Yeager

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are you my Lovelies? I hope you are enjoying our yarn so far. I will tease you with a bit of smut in this chapter 😊 couldn't resist, really. I don't usually write masturbation... so I hope it stands up 😏. This chapter is pretty long, because I decided to combine three short chapters instead of drawing things out. I actually loved writing the fireplace scene (I want to spend more time in Grisha's head, but I probably won't get a chance to, so here he is). We also have more information about Fraternities, I will try to drop in more details about Greek Life where I can. I also make many references to the events of His Promise (so go back and read it if there is any confusion!!).  
> As always, thank you for sticking with me and don't forget to ❤ and Share!
> 
> ♡DiLo

Warm water rushed from the shower head and pounded against Levi's back, cascading in rivulets down his body. He had tried to stand under the cold water, but it caused a muscle spasm in his thigh so painful his leg buckled. The original purpose of this shower was to distract him from the burning need he felt for Eren that threatened to claw out of his chest. But he  _ did _ need to clean his body; he had never worked out so hard in his life. 

The soapy water felt good on his skin as his mind wandered up two flights of stairs.  _ Eren _ . The fantasy was in his mind before he had time to block it out. They had fucked in the shower enough for him to know exactly what it would look like when Eren stood under the water, his thick, chocolate brown hair soaking up the spray. He would let that lean, toned body slip softly to its knees. Eyes the color of the Caribbean sea would look up at him while pink pouty lips stretched over his cock and swallowed him inch by inch. 

A small sound of yearning escaped him as he closed his hand over his cockhead and stroked slowly down to the base. He timed his strokes to fantasy Eren devouring his cock as steam rose around him and coated the glass of the shower door. He let his other hand travel down to his sack to tug at the skin there, rolling it in his fingers. How would he finish if they were together? Seeing Eren swallow his seed filled him with a kind of wild, primal satisfaction, but so did pulling out and painting that gorgeous, innocent face. Maybe he would hold off and press Eren against the shower tiles and fuck him into the wall, making him shake and cum until he milked Levi's cock into his tight ass. 

Levi jerked himself ruthlessly and moaned as hot sticky cum splashed against the wall and was washed away. He rested his head against the wall catching his breath as his spent passion slid languorously down the tiles and into the drain. The explosive tension in his gut had eased, but it left him feeling empty and more desperate for companionship than he had been before. He wanted Eren for sex, yes;  _ God _ , how he wanted him! But he craved his company almost as intensely. He wanted it all; the coiling tension of foreplay, the sweaty passion of bedsport, the ecstasy of release, and the comfort and serenity of the afterglow. 

He finished his shower on autopilot, eager to be out now, before he could dwell too much on his fantasies again and risk getting hard. His body was too worn out to work out again tonight and he knew himself well enough to know that his hand wouldn't do for a second time. He pulled on a pair of black and grey tartan pajama pants and one of his evergreen colored, long-sleeved ARO t-shirts. He glanced at the alarm clock next to his offensively empty bed.  _ 2:37am. _ He had no interest in sleep and even less desire to even try. The house was calm and quiet above him.  _ It couldn't hurt to just slip upstairs and see if Eren is awake...could it? _ His decision was made instantly. They didn't even need to have sex. The thought of slipping under Eren's warm blanket and burying his face in his soft brown hair had him moving silently, but gingerly up the basement stairs. 

Levi stepped out on the main level, surprised to see the uneven light of a crackling fire creating shadows on the hallway wall. The pull he felt from the stairs was almost magnetic but he couldn't leave the fire uninvestigated. He, Eren, Mikasa and Carla had sat in front of the fire earlier in the evening as they decorated the Christmas tree. He thought he remembered them extinguishing the flames, but he could have been wrong, and an unattended fire could be very dangerous. It went against every fiber of his being to turn his back on a potential threat lurking just below his sleeping lover. 

He padded quietly down the hall and into the living room. He stopped abruptly when the clink of ice in a glass alerted him to the fact that he was not alone. Grisha Yeager sat in one of the two high-backed chairs on either side of the fireplace. Eren's father stared into the flames, but looked up when Levi entered the room.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Dr. Yeager. I was going to the kitchen for some water and didn't expect to see the fire lit."

If the older man could tell he was lying, he didn't let on. He nodded slowly, inspecting Levi deliberately from head to toe. His voice was low and smooth. He had a more patrician accent than his son but the two men spoke with an uncomfortably similar cadence.

"You have healed nicely. How unexpected. Please, join me."

Levi suppressed a shiver. Eren's father had come to the hospital when he was in a coma to try and offer his expertise. Rather than intervene in his case, he had declared Levi's situation a lost cause. That Levi had awoken without neurological deficits, after everything his body had been through, was a medical miracle. He didn't take Doctor Yeager's professional opinion personally, but it did make his skin crawl. 

He used the drink in his hand to gesture toward the other chair. Levi didn't hesitate before seating himself. Three days had passed since they arrived at the Yeager residence and this was only the second time he had seen Eren's father. He had come in briefly during dinner the second night to welcome his children home and grab a quick bite before heading immediately to bed. Levi understood from Eren that Dr. Yeager was one of the country's leading Neurosurgeons, which put him in extremely high demand. On top of that he was on the edge of a huge breakthrough in some controversial genetics research he was conducting. 

The two men had met briefly when Levi was in the hospital, once when he woke up from his coma and again on Thanksgiving, when Eren's family brought some holiday spirit to his hospital ward. Both memories were clouded in fever, pain, and confusion. Levi regarded him with interest as they sat across from one another. 

Eren got his height from his father, but the resemblance seemed to end there. His hair was long, but fell flat against the sides of his face, which were covered with just enough stubble to be clear that it was his style instead of a five o'clock shadow. His eyes were blue, less vibrant and a completely different shade than his son's and they were obscured by simple, round, wire framed glasses. He almost had the appearance of an absentminded professor, but the vibe he gave off was one of complete control and self possession. That at least, Levi had remembered from the hospital. When he spoke, others listened. It was what Levi would expect from a distinguished ARO Alumnus. The man he was studying met his eyes.

"I hope I didn't wake you. My schedule is quite...erratic these days. Research does not pay attention to circadian rhythms."

Levi shook his head.

"I was up. I don't sleep well."

"Hmm."

Dr. Yeager took another sip of his drink and stood.

"Perhaps a nightcap?"

Without waiting for a response, he walked over to a small table with a decanter and several glasses, filled one with a generous splash of amber liquid and handed it to Levi. 

"Cheers."

They clinked glasses and Levi frowned but took a sip, enjoying the sweet burn as the expensive Brandy slid down his throat.  _ I wonder if he knows I'm underage... _

"We are close enough to your birthday, son. Just don't tell my wife."

Levi raised an eyebrow and Dr. Yeager grinned as he reseated himself. 

"How do I know? I know quite a bit about you,  _ Master Levi _ . You are quite famous in alumnae circles. You might even be considered our little Chapter's pride and joy. The quintessential 'Alpha Male'."

Levi cleared his throat at this unexpected praise. He had been prepared to consider Grisha Yeager kind of a dick; he knew Eren didn't have the best relationship with his father. There were many ways a son could disappoint his father; if being gay wasn't one of them, there were plenty to choose from. He couldn't help but be taken in, though. This man was one of the first ARO's at Paradis University. His class and the ones before had set the standard that all subsequent classes would strive to meet. For Levi this was almost as exciting as meeting Dot Pyxis had been.

"Thank you, Dr. Yeager."

"Please, call me Grisha. We are  _ brothers _ , after all."

"Hrm. Grisha."

"Then of course, when I learned you were  _ mentoring _ my son… I have to admit, that took me a moment to get used to."

Levi tried not to squirm. He knew that his relationship with Eren probably didn't look good in a lot of ways. He had been unprepared for Carla's exuberant response to their coupling. He had not been expecting the same level of acceptance from his boyfriend's father.  _ Here we go… _

"Though I didn't see his sweetheart pin. My wife still has hers, I think…"

Levi frowned. Twice a year ARO held a small pinning ceremony after initiation to 'induct' any of the brother's serious girlfriends as official ARO 'Sweethearts.' The girls were pinned and presented with flowers. Aside from the romantic aspect of the gesture, an ARO Sweetheart had special status with the Fraternity; she could wear letters, interact with pledges, and be invited to certain closed events. It was one event Levi had never attended and had absolutely no desire to. The thought of Eren being pinned as his Sweetheart had never crossed his mind. Pinning a Neophyte would be absolutely ridiculous. Then again, it did have a certain symbolism...

"Grisha...I only have the best intentions for Eren-"

Grisha waved his hand dismissively and chuckled.

"Heh, of course you do. I jest, of course. I think you misunderstood, though. I wouldn't expect that at all, even if such a thing were possible. I was  _ pleased _ to hear that you have paying attention to Eren. My son has always been... _ erratic _ , you see. He makes decisions impulsively and doesn't often follow through. Even as a legacy, I was concerned he might not cross. His  _ infatuation _ with you seems to have had a...steadying influence on him."

Levi couldn't believe what he was hearing.  _ Does this man even know his son? _ He opened his mouth to speak but Grisha was staring at the flames and didn't see.

"Eren has none of the characteristics I had hoped for...but he is impressionable. That could still change with you to look up to. I can see he has benefitted much from your... _ interest _ and that makes me very grateful to you. Grateful enough to sponsor you with the alumni association for additional scholarship opportunities, should the need arise. Not that you are under any obligation to sustain a relationship with him once your interest has run its course. Consider it my appreciation for services rendered. Eren can be exhausting."

Levi felt his stomach drop.  _ What in the fucking hell? _ Blood pounded in his ears as he placed his glass with deliberate slowness, half finished down on the side table. Levi had little experience with fathers- his biological father died an addict and his adopted father was a piece of shit, but he had not expected this from Eren's dad. From an  _ ARO _ . The obvious disappointment he felt for his own son, the shocking disregard that made it possible to speak this way to his son's  _ boyfriend _ was beyond anything Levi had ever experienced.  _ I could maybe see from his perspective that it looks like Eren fucked himself into the Fraternity, but what does that say about his opinion of  _ MY  _ integrity? And he thinks I would take money for that? _ He was used to a bloody hand holding a knife, this was a white glove dripping poison. And like poison, it was making him sick.  _ Did he really just tell me he wouldn't take it personally when I fucked his son enough to get tired of him? _ Levi didn't have to battle to keep his voice low- he could barely speak through his choking fury.

"You have it wrong."

Grisha raised an eyebrow, looking at him with interest.

"Do I?"

"Yes. Eren has every quality ARO is looking for, he is not a token or a mascot. He is bright, dedicated, and charismatic. He is attuned to others in a way that allows him to motivate without alienating his peers and he is one of the kindest, most caring people I have  _ ever _ met. He will do great things, whether you expect it from him or not. If you were worried about his future in the Fraternity, he was elected President of his class council, that alone should speak for itself- and it had nothing to do with me. And for your information, it won't be  _ me _ who loses interest. If you will excuse me, Doctor Yeager."

Levi stood, gritting his teeth when the muscles in his leg threatened to give out. He would  _ not _ show weakness in front of this man. 

Grisha also stood, contemplating Levi closely before he grinned, completely throwing Levi off.  _ Was it a test? _

"Yes, I suppose I did misjudge the situation. Goodnight, Levi."

He tapped Levi twice on the chest with the tip of his finger and strolled over to the decanter to refill his now empty glass. Levi stood frozen for a moment before he forced himself to  _ move _ . A mixture of liquor, pain medication, emotional fallout, and genuine exhaustion leached the energy from his body and he moved slowly to the stairs. He paused for a moment, trying to decide whether he should still try to slide into bed with Eren. Now, more than ever, he wanted to hold him and protect him. He knew exactly what it was like growing up around people who thought you were worthless. It was no wonder Eren struggled with uncertainty when he was such a shining example of a human being.

Levi sighed when he reached the steps and turned for the basement. With Grisha awake and prowling around downstairs it probably wasn't the best idea to go upstairs. He made his way down to bed, determined more than ever to do everything he could to validate and accept his boyfriend. Grisha was only partly correct. Eren  _ was _ exhausting...after a few hours in the sack. But in every other way, he had never met a person who was easier to get along with. Levi grunted, annoyed at the turn his thoughts had taken.  _ Back to square one… _

° ☆ °

If Levi had decided to go upstairs, he probably would have tripped right over Eren, who sat silently in the shadows at the top of the stairs with his hands pressed over his mouth and tears streaming down his cheeks. Pulled out of his room by the same desire to slip into bed with Levi that had drawn his boyfriend out of bed, Eren had paused on the stairs when he heard voices from the living room. His father's opinion had been something he expected. He knew he was a disappointment and had been one since he turned down the biology internship his father arranged for him sophomore year in high school. It wasn't his father's lack of faith in him (or even the tacit acceptance that his son was some kind of whore) that soaked his face with tears, he was used to that. 

What he hadn't expected was  _ Levi's _ reaction. Levi was not a person who lavished praise on anyone. That it had poured so readily from his lips in Eren's staunch defense was beyond his wildest dreams. Levi wouldn't say something that he didn't believe was the absolute truth. Eren covered his face with his hands as he felt his skin grow hot from embarrassment. Levi might be quiet about it, but he loved Eren with a quiet sort of passion and resolve that was humbling. It made Eren yearn for him all the more and curse the physical space between them. He wanted to take Levi into his bed, into body and show him how much his feelings were appreciated and reciprocated. He didn't know that he agreed with everything that was said about him, but one thing he knew for sure, was that he would strive even harder to be the person Levi thought he was. 


	4. Fate, or Something Like It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't resist a little fanfiction fix-it.

_ 2 days later _

Carla Yeager stirred, momentarily disoriented by the delicious smells that were wafting upstairs from her kitchen. Grisha came out of the bathroom dressed for work and kissed his wife's forehead as she got out of bed. 

"Are the kids making breakfast?"

Grisha shrugged.

"Must be."

Carla frowned, growing more and more confused as she stepped out of her bedroom, tying her robe around her waist. Her confusion became intense when she came face to face with her children, fresh out of bed, looking just as surprised to see her as she was to see them.

Carla led the procession down to the kitchen as everything clicked into place. Levi stood behind the long kitchen counter with her bright yellow apron tied around his waist. It would have looked completely ridiculous, if the bright cloth stretched across his muscular frame didn't somehow make him look even more manly. The counter was laid out with an assortment of breakfast foods and the entire kitchen was immaculately clean. Carla stood, aware that her mouth was hanging open, but powerless to close it. 

Levi flashed them all a heartstoppingly handsome smile.  _ Really, this boy is too attractive for his own good. _

"Good morning, everyone. We have a fully  _ vegetarian _ breakfast for you all, today. Cranberry and dark chocolate flax muffins, broccoli cheddar quiche, black-bread buttered toast with avocado, tomatoes, and sprouts. Bon Appetit."

Carla recovered and shook her head wonderingly. 

"This is all just beautiful, darling! When did you do all this?"

Levi shrugged. 

"I was up early to run and didn't think I could go back to sleep, so I figured I would spare you from making breakfast, Carla, since you have work today."

She felt heat creep up her cheeks and burn the tips of her ears.  _ If I was a few years younger. And he wasn't gay. And my son's partner… _

Carla watched her family gather their breakfast, smiling as even Mikasa grudgingly accepted the food. Eren seemed to be the only one who thought this new development was the most natural thing in the world.  _ Maybe for him, it is. _

Eren took a big bite out of one of the muffins and made of show of enjoying it. Carla could believe it- they smelled delicious. Grisha took a bite of quiche and glanced up from his phone. 

"This is great! You could learn a thing or two from this young man, son."

Eren rolled his eyes. 

"I know, dad. I definitely know that."

Carla suppressed a sigh. Grisha could be so hard on Eren, sometimes. Her husband eyed Levi with clinical interest.

"Did you say you went running? How's the leg?"

Levi looked up at Grisha. If Carla hadn't been watching him so closely, she would have missed the faint flash of dislike in his eyes.  _ I wonder what that's about… _

"It feels great, actually. I have been too cautious. I thought the impact would kill me, but I think it was all the resting that had me feeling weak.  _ This _ one would have me in a walker…"

The two boys made eye contact and Levi reached out to Eren from across the counter to swipe some chocolate off his lip. When his face didn't come clean immediately he leaned over and kissed Eren lightly on the lips, sucking her son's bottom lip into his mouth. The action was casual yet intimate and made her stomach flip. She felt like an intruder just being in the room, and yet she couldn't look away. Eren had suffered so many disappointments with the handful of partners he had tried to date since middle school. For a kid with such an easygoing personality and ready smile...he had just always seemed so lonely. Seeing him in what looked like a loving relationship with a person who genuinely cared about him was balm for her soul. Mikasa attracted her attention by making a disgusted sound. 

Levi looked around and raised an eyebrow.

"Ah, this is great and everything, but where's the bacon?"

Levi replied smoothly without skipping a beat. 

"Sorry, I don't take my breakfast fried and squealing. You will have to be content with something more healthful today." 

Mikasa hmphed but continued to gather her breakfast. Carla hid her smile. She recognized Mikasa's token rebellion for what it was. Levi's breakfast left nothing lacking and she knew it.

"Mom, are you going to eat something?"

Carla looked back at her son's angelic face and nodded, wondering if she could swallow past the lump in her throat so she could eat. Seeing Eren and Levi together just seemed so  _ right _ . It was also strangely familiar... 

"Sorry, darling, just woolgathering. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I'm the one on vacation."

Eren sat her down in front of a plate full of food. She grabbed the muffin first and took a healthy bite, enjoying the firm texture of the muffin and the sweet melty chocolate. She watched idly as Levi untied her apron and turned to hang it in the peg by the refrigerator. And time stopped. The apron fluttered soundlessly and Levi's hair swished against his head. Eren had walked around the counter and leaned down to whisper something into Levi's ear. Levi's arm came up to absentmindedly curl around Eren's waist, her son resting his own hand lightly on his shorter boyfriend's shoulder. The conversation came back to her as she watched the scene in slow motion.

_ "Hey mom forget all that, listen. You know that photo you sent me? Behind me on the fridge was a drawing...do you know the one I mean, with the two people standing in front of a shield?" _

_... _

_ "You and the Captain went on all kinds of adventures." _

_... _

_ "At breakfast that morning you looked at me with your solemn little face and said, 'Mama, everything will be alright from now on, the Captain will protect me.' " _

Carla shivered as time caught up with her.  _ It's the same...how is it the same?  _ Levi's turtleneck was a dark, forest green, Eren's top was a pale khaki. They stood grinning, with their arms around each other- Eren slightly taller than his black-haired companion. A cold hollow feeling developed in the pit of her stomach and she felt her skin crawl, as though someone had just stepped across her grave. Without thinking, she picked up her cell phone from where she left it charging in the kitchen the night before and snapped a photo of them, frowning down at the image preview.

_...everything will be alright from now on, the Captain will protect me.' _

Carla looked back at her son who was now pulling Levi over to the table so they could sit and have the rest of their breakfast together. Her heart pounded as she tried to make sense of something impossible. Levi and Eren had only known each other for a few months. It  _ had _ to be a coincidence.  _ And yet... _

She looked at her family. White winter sunlight filled the kitchen. Everything was calm and peaceful. Grisha looked up and caught her eye, crinkling the newspaper he had picked up.

"I actually forgot until just now. I've been invited to Seattle to give lecture series for a few weeks after the holidays. I haven't left for that long in a while so I wanted to-"

"Don't go."

Grisha blinked. Carla was even slightly surprised herself that she had interrupted her husband, but a feeling of deep dread and superstition had overtaken her. She forced herself to smile.

"I mean. I would prefer it if you didn't this time. I can take leave in a few months and we can go together."

Her husband frowned, not out of anger, but genuine concern. She was not a person who made demands,  _ ever. _ She didn't know why she was making one now, but if it was one thing she knew, it was that if Grisha left, something bad was going to happen to her.

"Okay. I'll email the director and ask them to postpone."

He smiled at her worried look.

"It won't be a problem."

Carla sighed out of relief and shook her head as though it would dislodge her thoughts. She sat with her family and let their light conversation wash over her, clearing away her morbid mood. Levi and Mikasa had even started snapping at each other quietly across the breakfast table (although why anyone would argue over white vs wheat bread was a mystery to her) which was an amusing distraction.

She felt a hand grip hers and looked up into her son's eyes, marveling as she had over their strange, exotic color, since the day he was born.

"Are you really okay, mom? You look like you're a thousand miles away."

Carla smiled warmly at her sweet, beautiful, boy; the only child her body was capable of giving to this world. He had been such a gift to her, her Eren. She had such hopes for him, and as he grew he only confirmed to her that he could do anything he set his mind to.

"I'm fine, sweetheart, really."

She was tempted to leave it at that, but the words spilled out before she could stop them.

"Just...do you ever feel like...life is strange? Like you can feel the hand of fate?"

Eren stared at her thunderstruck for a split second before he looking away. He caught her eye again after a moment and smiled his dazzling smile, shrugging nonchalantly.

"More than you know, mom. But whose life  _ isn't  _ strange?"

° ☆ °

Snowflakes swirled through the sunlight, creating shadow patterns on the table. The coffee machine hissed and dripped spreading its aroma through the cheerful space. In a few minutes, the five people sharing a meal would get up and go about their day, quietly rewriting history, exactly as Fate intended.


	5. When It Rains, It Pours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my Lovelies! I held off as long as I could, but I just can't resist some good, old-fashioned, bodice ripping Lemon. Enjoy!  
> ♡DiLo

Eren stood in the doorway of the guestroom, quietly watching Levi do fingertip push-ups. All was silent, save for the odd creaks of the old house and Levi's rapid, measured breathing. Eren never ceased to be just slightly envious whenever he saw Levi do anything workout-related. The man didn't even break a sweat until he hit a hundred reps. It was nice, though, to see his boyfriend get back into the normal rhythm of his workouts after his near-crippling leg injury. His breath caught in his throat as he watched the slow rippling flex of muscles play under Levi’s pale, perfect skin. His forearms, biceps, and shoulders were swollen from the workout and sweat dripped tantalizingly down his neck. He imagined what it would look like if Levi got more tattoos and decided it would be so unbearably hot that it was probably better he only had the one (the Survey Corp insignia on the back of his neck). Eren was barely coherent around his boyfriend in the first place, if he had the additional distraction of body art or piercings, he would just dissolve completely.  _ Oh god...piercings. _ Eren felt his stomach clench as he shamelessly ogled his target. 

“When did you get back, brat?”

Eren flinched but immediately smiled. Since that first distracted evening at home, Levi had gone back to his normal, hyper-aware, confident self. He had spoken without looking up, his voice slightly breathless from exertion and Eren felt himself harden at the sound of it.  _ Damn, I’m thirsty. _ Levi sprang agilely to his feet and reached for the water bottle he had left on the bedside table. Levi faced him and raised an eyebrow quizzically as he quaffed the water. Eren had to tear his eyes away from the drop of water that trickled out of the side of Levi’s mouth and down his chin. The compulsion to cross the room and lick along the trail of the drop, from Levi's chin to the corner of his mouth nearly overwhelmed him. 

His mind raced to answer the question. He, Mikasa, and Carla had left early that morning to visit his aged aunt on the other side of town. Levi stayed back, unwilling to intrude on a family outing and happy for some time to himself- something Eren knew he had blessed little of since joining them for Winter Break. He also knew it was something an introvert like Levi regularly needed to maintain his equilibrium. 

Eren enjoyed the visit with Aunt Edna, she was a sweet old lady who always happened to slip raunchy comments into innocuous conversations, but by midmorning he was chomping at the bit. He regretted his decision to leave Levi alone. Every moment that ticked by was another moment of their vacation slipping away, without them really having any alone time together. Between Mikasa's clinginess and not wanting to disappoint his mother, it was a wonder he spent any time with Levi at all. 

And yet...just having him so near was amazing. The small intimacies they could share, a touch, a kiss, a moment of wordless communication in a room full of people, made it all worth it. He couldn’t believe he had become so addicted to Levi’s presence that he found it difficult to be away from him for even a few hours. He could never let  _ that _ embarrassing truth slip, to his family or Levi. Mikasa would hardly have accepted it as a reason for ditching them so he made up some nonsense about meeting up with some of the local Beta Kai and insisted his mother and sister have a girl’s lunch without him. A tiny little white lie wouldn't hurt Levi either...

“Ahhh, Mom and Mika wanted to have lunch just the two of them, so I decided to come home from Edna's. I’m probably gonna throw something together in the kitchen...are you hungry?”

As he spoke, Levi prowled closer until they were standing less than an arm’s length apart. Two beats of silence passed as tension threaded through the space between them.

“Starving”

Before Eren could gasp his name, Levi pulled him into a crushing embrace. One arm threaded around his waist as the other slid up his neck and gripped his hair, pulling it just hard enough to hurt. Levi’s lips met his and he was lost in a tidal wave of sensation. Levi’s body was hard and hot, his musk was intoxicating, his lips and tongue tasted like sweat and coffee.  _ Jesus fuck, I need more.  _

Eren moaned and pressed his body impossibly closer. His hands roamed over Levi’s powerful back muscles, shaping his fingers around them, marveling at the textural differences between the soft pliant skin and hard unyielding muscles. He rubbed his aching erection against his boyfriend’s abs, desperate for any kind of contact. It had been almost a week since they arrived and they had not had any privacy or the opportunity for serious intimacy. Eren felt like a ticking time bomb- primed to explode at any moment. 

Just being around Levi was enough to have him on edge, but between lovey-dovey shopping trips, stolen kisses across the breakfast bar and hearing his boyfriend stand up to his father the way he had when he thought nobody was listening, Eren's frustration was mounting to dangerous levels. With Mikasa climbing into bed with him every night, he couldn't even jerk off to relieve the constant ache of being close to Levi and unable to be soundly fucked by him. He knew Mikasa wasn’t doing it deliberately, but he was getting desperate, and his desperation was making him shorter with her than usual. A not insignificant part of his desire to escape this morning was due to sibling overload. 

Eren knew that his boyfriend didn’t masturbate often- he preferred to channel his energy into exercise- which probably explained his desire to be medically well enough to work out. His boyfriend wasn't exactly sex-crazy, but Eren had teased him deliberately on the ride home and then inadvertently for the last few days (and he was definitely closing in on the end of his patience, if Levi's heated glances were anything to go by.)

The men broke apart gasping for air as Eren clawed at Levi’s sleeveless undershirt and practically ripped it off his body. Levi’s grey eyes darkened with lust but he trapped Eren's arms against his body and pushed him back, locking him in place with his formidable strength. 

“Mmmm, looks like i’m not the only one who’s hungry, but as much as I would like to fucking massacre this ass right now, I've gotten the distinct impression that we aren't allowed to do this here...” 

Eren made a frustrated sound and rolled his eyes, struggling against Levi’s grip in vain. He had never wanted his ass to be massacred so much in his life. Levi was panting, his damp chest heaving with the effort of not ripping Eren's clothes off.

Eren settled for sweet talk, since actions would yield him nothing against his boyfriend's resolve.

“It’s fine, babe, honest! We are all alone here. Just me and you, and this big ol' bed that looks so empty right now. My dad never comes home during the day and Mom and Mika won’t even be done with lunch yet.”

Levi looked unconvinced, his own desperate need warring against his better judgement; Eren could see the struggle plainly in his eyes. Eyes that kept straying down to his lips.  _ Should I beg? He likes that… _

Eren ran his tongue across his lips, slowly and lowered his eyes seductively. He made his voice small and pleading and let the fight drain out of his body. He made himself soft and pliant under Levi's hands. He reached his arms out just far enough to lightly stroke Levi’s body with his fingertips.

“Please,  _ Master _ Levi? It's been  _ so _ long and I need your cock inside me  _ so _ bad…I'll take anything you give me, sir...”

Eren watched in triumph as Levi’s expression became completely clouded with lust. It reminded him of the night of the Tri Sig Lip Sync when Levi had pushed him up against the door of a backstage room and fucked him absolutely senseless. His response was so low it was nearly a growl.

“Cunning fucking brat...get out of those fucking clothes.”

Eren reeled for a moment as he was released and felt one kind of tension melt away and become replaced by another, deeper one. Levi kept his hands on Eren’s body as the younger man stripped completely naked, nearly falling flat on his face in his haste. Levi chuckled darkly and steadied Eren against his body, only to be pressed back and maneuvered to the edge of the bed. 

Levi slid his sweats down as he sat on the edge of the bed and his cock sprang free, stiff and twitching. Eren's focus shifted and he felt saliva pool in his mouth. He started to slip to his knees, intent only on choking down that incredible cock when Levi pulled him onto his lap.

"Later. Right now I want your mouth on mine."

" _ Mmmmmmm _ !"

The room was filled with the wet slurp of the two men devouring each other's lips and Eren’s groans of pleasure as he rubbed his naked, seeping erection against Levi’s body. His fogged up brain tossed a nagging concern to the forefront as he settled deeper onto his partner’s lap, rubbing the underside of their cocks together. He spoke into Levi’s lips.

“Shit, your leg, is this okay, babe?”

Levi grunted in response and shoved three of his fingers into Eren’s mouth.

“Suck.”

“ _ Mmmm….mmm...nnnnnnngh _ ”

Eren’s mind blanked. The feel of Levi's fingers in his mouth, stroking his tongue and teasing his gag reflex was almost too much stimulation. Having Levi, any part of Levi, in his mouth was ecstacy. The fingers were withdrawn and then repositioned to slide one by one into his clenched hole. Levi’s other hand pulled his ass cheeks apart and dug into his flesh hard enough to leave bruises. 

"So much talking…not nearly enough moaning my name."

Eren’s stomach tightened and flipped. Levi's body, and his voice, and his scent were so overwhelming he felt like he was going to die. He was wound so tightly he might cum as soon as he was entered. Frankly, he was surprised he hadn't cum already. After a few frantic minutes of preparation (not nearly enough under normal circumstances) Eren thrashed and dug his nails into Levi's back as the older man's hot, hard length invaded his tightness from below. The long harsh thrust caused his body to clamp down, and he came hard, his seed splashing between their bodies in sticky ropes and painting Levi's chest. Eren sobbed his relief into Levi's shoulder.

"G-God! S-s-orry Levi,  _ ahh _ ! Ahh, Levi, fuck,  _ nnnnnngh _ !"

Levi only grinned, biting his lip as he continued to thrust up from below. 

"I make you feel that good, honey? You better hold on tight, because I'm gonna make you cum until you melt."

Eren whimpered and did as he was told, wrapping his arms and legs tighter around Levi's body. His head fell back out of his sheer inability to continue supporting it and Levi assaulted his neck, sucking hard on his collarbone. Sooner than he would have thought possible, Eren felt his cock growing stiff again. It was a strange feeling; still languid and boneless from his release, but also heavy and tense with this new arousal. Levi stilled his thrusts and lifted Eren effortlessly, supporting the younger man's entire body weight with his arms. He swiped the cum off his chest and coated his cock with it. His voice, dark and seductive, rumbled in this chest.

"Waste not, want not."

Eren could only whimper. Levi shifted slightly and dropped Eren in a thrusting grind straight down onto his straining cock. 

Eren gasped as the pain of being forced open and the pressure of the invasion melted into the shuddering pleasure of his prostate being stroked by Levi's length. His eyes rolled back in his head as Levi did it again, and again huffing and chuckling at the joy of being squeezed so tightly by his lover's body. Eren gave himself over fully to the sensations assaulting his body. He had already cum once which meant in all likelihood, Levi would draw his next orgasm out for quite some time.

Finally, their dry spell was over and it promised to be a downpour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🙈🙉🙊
> 
> ♡DiLo


	6. Harsh Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my Lovelies! Welcome to my new readers and followers, you are most warmly welcomed! Please allow me to apologize in advance for this chapter- I have revised it a dozen times and I still don't like it, but I must stay honest to my deadline and post it anyway. I hope you can forgive me. I love the concept, I just hate the execution. Part of it is that I'm just not used to being in Mikasa's head, but I need to make myself comfortable, since she plays a larger role in this story than she did in the previous one.  
> I hope you can forgive me...
> 
> ♡DiLo
> 
> P.S.- I am creatively referencing Master Isayama's amazing work almost directly in this chapter, forgive me if it is not an exact rendition.

Mikasa clattered into her bedroom, painfully clipping her shoulder on the door frame as she passed through, and plunked down miserably on the window seat. She cursed bitterly to herself. Levi was fucking everywhere. In the past week she felt like she couldn't escape him. He was at every meal and barely left Eren alone for five minutes at a time.  _ Doesn't he have a fucking life? People to hang out with other than Eren?  _

What's worse, he had somehow succeeded in winning over both of her parents completely, to the point where they didn't even bother to hear her side of an argument before they rushed to his defense.

L _ eave Levi alone, Mikasa. _

_ What a silly thing to argue about, Mikasa. _

_ Here, try some Tempeh, Mikasa. _

_ Aaaargh! _

She punched the upholstery on the bench and yelped in pain as her knuckles connected with the wood under the cushion.  _ Something else I can put on Levi's tab. _ How could she be the only person who saw him for the nasty, vindictive, manipulative asshole he was when nobody else was watching? Couldn't they see he would hurt Eren? Use him and drop him? She  _ hated _ him and it was becoming clearer everyday that Eren actually  _ loved _ the bastard. She was losing her brother, the person who meant the most to her in the world and there was  _ nothing _ she could do about it. 

_ Well, maybe not nothing.  _

The one thing she hadn't tried yet was 'killing him with kindness'. Mikasa gritted her teeth and glanced at her phone screen. Carla had run into some friends as they were headed to lunch who invited them to join- she had begged off but insisted her mother stay and called an Uber to take her home. With Eren running off to spend the afternoon with his friends, the appeal of the outing quickly waned. She needed the alone time. With her parents busy and Eren out with his idiot pledge brothers, now might be the only chance she got to speak to Levi alone. If she was going to have any shot of looking sincere, she definitely couldn't have an audience. 

Breathing her patience in through her nose and out through her mouth, Mikasa wandered slowly down the two flights of stairs to the basement. She rounded the corner and stopped dead next to the guest room. At first she thought Levi was watching porn. The very thought of it caused a momentary flicker of disgust to flare through her. She almost went for her phone.  _ Wouldn't Eren love to know what his 'holier than thou' boyfriend does when he isn't around?  _

A familiar gasp filled the air and reality slammed into her with the force of a speeding bullet. Evidence would not be necessary. Eren knew  _ exactly _ what Levi was doing. Eren  _ was _ exactly what Levi was doing. The hallway she stood in was shrouded in shadow and the guest room door was ajar. Between the mirror on the hallway wall and the one on the nightstand opposite the bed, she could see everything. 

Levi sat on the edge of the bed, his legs spread, his sweats down around his ankles. Eren straddled him, completely naked, with his ass stretched wide over Levi's cock. Mikasa watched with horrified fascination as Levi lifted Eren and dropped him repeatedly, while thrusting up from below. Every time he slid down Levi's length, Eren cried out in pleasure and babbled incoherently, his head softly lolling this way and that. Mikasa couldn't see her brother's hands, but his shoulders bunched and flexed as though he was gripping Levi's shoulders with all his strength. 

Mikasa felt the bile rising in her throat but she just couldn't look away. She must have made a small noise because Levi's head snapped up and he stared at the door, not realizing she was watching their reflection. She flattened herself against the wall, not giving him a chance to figure it out. She didn't dare move, not trusting in her ability to make it upstairs quietly enough to evade detection. 

Through the open door Mikasa heard the bed creak and a wet, slurping pop that had no place outside of Japanese hentai. Eren whined brattily, likely as a response to Levi's preoccupation. 

"Nnnnngh, d-don't stop…"

"Are you sure we're alone? I thought I heard-"

"Y-yeah…of course... _ please Master _ . It's so cold without you inside me…"

Levi grunted,

"Tch. Such needy little cockslut. You'd say anything to get my cock back inside you, wouldn't you?" 

"Mhm. A-Anything…"

"Say it. Tell me."

" _ Nnnnngh _ . I-I'm your slut Levi, a good little slut, just for you so plea... _ Ahhhhh _ .'

Mikasa heard Eren inhale sharply, the bed creak and the sheets shush.

"On your back then."

"Yes,  _ sir _ ."

Eren giggled and the bed creaked again followed by a long, low moan. 

Mikasa had enough. She waited for the chorus of rutting to begin again before she separated from the shadows. Feeling strangely numb, she backed silently down the corridor and slipped up the stairs, shutting the door at the top of the stairwell as quietly as she could before taking the steps two at a time for her room. She sat down gingerly on the bed, her vision blurring for a moment before she realized her eyes were full of tears. A moment of quiet was all she needed for her emotions to come crashing down on her like an avalanche. 

Violent, hysterical sobs ripped from her throat. The bile fought its way back up and she had to throw herself to her knees to make it to her trash bin in time to throw up her entire breakfast. She sat for a few minutes dry heaving into the bin until she was sure she wouldn't soil the rug as hiccupping sobs continued to wrack her body.

_ Oh God...Eren...My Eren...oh God… _

Mikasa squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to quiet the uncontrollable screaming in her mind. It only drew her memory into sharper focus. Eren was gay. She knew Eren was gay. He had always been gay and it was never something it occurred to her to have a problem with. Being gay wasn't something she found disgusting or reprehensible and that was a belief she had backed up with her fists. And it wasn't as if she had never seen gay porn…

The sight of a man getting fucked had never elicited this sort of reaction from her before.  _ But this wasn't just any man. _

She had just never imagined Eren  _ taking it _ with quite so much practiced enthusiasm. Eren, her protector; strong, funny, smart, loving Eren- reduced to, to Levi's desperate, moaning,  _ slut _ was too incongruous to the image of her brother that existed in her mind. If she had ever pictured Eren having sex...he would be the one on top, those beautiful expressive eyes staring down at  _ her _ …

Mikasa choked on a sob and her eyes flew open as she realized where her thoughts had taken her. Feelings poured out of her shocked, traumatized mind until she was dry heaving over the trash again. The reason she had always had to be so close to Eren. The reason she hated Levi from the start. Sisterly concern? No.  _ Love _ . Love that had nothing to do with being raised at someone's side. Love that didn't care whether a person was gay or straight. A deep, ingrained, thousand year old love that threatened to rip her heart out of her chest and crushed it until there was nothing left. She couldn't believe she had never realized it- it seemed so obvious now. She was  _ in love _ with Eren and somewhere deep down inside where she kept that knowledge locked away, was also the completely irrational belief that one day he would see her the way she saw him. 

She had been by Eren's side forever. He would reach too high and get his heart broken and then she would be there to pick up the pieces. None of the boys he'd ever loved deserved him. He was too good. Too pure. But then Levi, strong, heroic,  _ perfect _ Levi swooped in and chose  _ him _ . It probably never even occurred to him to say no. 

_ Did I really think he would never find someone? Was I just hoping for him to see me after all this time? _

The small voice inside her heart determined to cut her to pieces, whispered the answer that defied reality. Her feelings, her love...didn't matter. Eren would never see her that way and she knew it. 

_ I can never confess...but I'll be damned if I will go quietly into the night!  _

Mikasa straightened up, her hatred for Levi flowing hot and thick in her veins, washing away her feelings of guilt, disgust, and self pity.

_ Levi is the interloper. This is all his fault. He has turned Eren into this...puppet to fulfill his own sycophantic fantasies. I just need to get rid of him and everything will go back to normal.  _

She laid down on the bed and shoved her ear buds into her head, turning up the volume loud enough to drown out every thought in her mind. Later, when she could think again, she would figure out a way to get Levi Ackerman  _ out _ . Out of her  _ house _ , out of her  _ life _ , and most importantly, out of  _ Eren _ . 

° ☆ °

_ A room full of people but all was silence. The man at the front of the room, a judge or magistrate by the look of his robes and ridiculous powder wig sat ready to pass judgement.  _

_ Mikasa's breath caught in her throat as a feeling of dread washed through her. Eren! Eren knelt before the judge, chained to a stake that had been secured to the flagstone floor. The judgement would not be in his favor. It would mean death. She watched as a man approached the judge speaking in low even tones. She gasped when he turned to face Eren. _

_ Levi! _

_ With no expression on his stone carved face he attacked, so quickly she could barely follow the movement. The blows landed on Eren, breaking bones and tearing gashes in his skin. The crowd shifted uneasily as they watched, shocked but interested. She heard every crack and sickening crunch of broken bones. She strained and felt a hand holding her back. Armin? Why was no one helping Eren?  _

_ The final blow was a kick square into his jaw. One of his teeth spluttered out of his slack mouth and skittered across the floor before he collapsed in a trembling heap.  _

_ The room was silent. _

_ "I can kill him. Any time. In any form. He is nothing. So leave it to me." _

_ Bright light flashed and Mikasa was standing in a training yard. She looked down at her hands. She held a strange long blade that felt comfortable in her hands, despite never having seen anything like it before.  _

_ Two men ran past her, their hair blowing back from their faces. Faces she recognized. Where had she seen them before? _

_ "Come quickly, the Captain is going to fight the Titan brat."  _

_ Mikasa started running and pushed her way through the crowd of cadets. Familiar faces flashed confusingly at her and made her feel strangely off balance.  _

_ They watched Eren circle a figure as still as a statue, a determined expression on his face. He brandished the same strange sword she had in her hand. The man in the center...Levi...was unarmed. He spoke quietly, but it had an instant affect on the group.  _

_ "Stand back, morons, what if he shifts?" _

_ The cadets shuffled back. Mikasa stayed in the foreground.  _

_ Eren lunged but Levi was too fast. Unbelievably, impossibly fast. He sidestepped and smacked Eren on the back, going still again. Eren yelped but turned and attacked again, this time to have his arm twisted around behind him. The sword clattered to the ground and Eren was released, panting. The look in his eyes hardened, and overtaken by emotion, he rushed straight at Levi. Mikasa could see this attack would fail as well. Levi spun and thrust the heel of his hand up under Eren's chin snapping his teeth together. His feet actually lifted off the ground as he went flying back and landed in a cloud of dust.  _

_ The cadets cheered, rooting for 'the Captain' as they started to stream away, assuming the training was over. But Eren wasn't done. He got up, poised to attack and then something happened. Mikasa couldn't say what but in the middle of an otherwise normal attack sequence Eren...exploded. Sort of. The arm he reached out with...elongated from his body. The cadets scattered and Eren screamed. In ensuing chaos Mikasa never took her eyes off her brother; his face was a mask of shock and fear.  _

_ But Levi was calm. Absolutely composed as he picked up Eren's blade and flipped through the air cutting off the elongated appendage at the shoulder. He then sidestepped and slammed his fist into the base of Eren's neck. The weird elongated arm fell smoking to the dust and Eren dropped like a stone, bleeding and shuddering in the dirt.  _

_ Bright light flashed again and Mikasa was approaching the base of a tree. Dappled sunlight created beautiful moving shadows on the leaf litter around her but the ground was soaked in blood. Too much blood. More than one person's blood.  _

_ She started shaking her head, even though she knew what she was going to see on the other side of the tree. He had said he wouldn't live without him. Her little fool. Her idiot brother. Her entire heart and soul. She walked slowly around the tree and there they were. She didn't even realize half of Levi was missing, at first, because of the way Eren was draped over his body. She wanted to blame Levi for killing him but it was his own hands that were wrapped around the blade.  _

_ She fell to her knees, a silent scream of anguish ripping her soul in half. He might not have wielded the blade, but it was still his fault. She always knew _ that man  _ would kill him in the end. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *To clear up any confusion- this chapter is told in the same time frame as the last one.  
> *The segment in Italics is a series of dreams that Mikasa has when she falls asleep on her bed.  
> *Yes, she has just realized that she is romantically in love with her brother.  
> 🙈🙊🙉 Sorry Mika, you have to suffer a bit, I'll make it up to you...maybe...😈.  
> ♡DiLo


	7. Origins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been hoping to expand this AU a little bit, but Eren and Levi are my first loves so they will always be the center of the universe. That being said, in this chapter, we see a little bit of Mikasa's backstory, as well as more information about Armin, Jean, and Marco. All of these characters are important and I have now fully mentally committed to developing them all as more than just throwaway references. World building for the win!  
> ♡DiLo

Eren skipped up the stairs and swung himself around the wall into the kitchen.  _ Did I close that door earlier? Huh, guess I did. _ He shrugged, feeling too deliciously satisfied to care about anything but how  _ fucking good _ it felt to be on sex-terms with his boyfriend again. His steps faltered as a slight burning feeling in his ass threatened to hobble him, but he pushed through the pain, once again entirely sure that the rough, raw sex (without condom or lube) was entirely worth it. Not only did he  _ like _ it, he  _ craved _ it. If he could walk around everyday with the evidence of Levi's love incised into his body, he would.

Eren checked his watch as his stomach grumbled loudly. He grinned to himself like a cat in a creamery; even injured and exhausted his boyfriend lasted  _ damn long. _ It was nearly 3 o clock, Levi was passed out dead asleep (probably for the first time since they left University) and he was starving, having forgotten completely about lunch while he was being devoured.

He leaned against the kitchen counter (sitting would be impossible at the moment) intent on destroying a pack of deli meat when the front door opened. Eren met Armin and Jean in the hall. 

"Beta Kai in da house, bitches!"

The two newcomers looked at Eren with amusement. Armin's face broke into a grin, genuinely pleased to see Eren so happy.

"Someone's in a good mood!"

"Damn right, Ar. You have perfect timing"

Jean stopped, comically shaking his head.

"Nuh, uh, wait a minute! I know  _ that _ look! That's a "somebody-just-got-some and is  _ definitely _ gonna be offering up TMI" look."

Eren chuckled and punched Jean lightly on the shoulder before collapsing histrionically against the wall like a damsel in distress. He fanned himself weakly and spoke in an over exaggerated  _ Gone With The Wind  _ accent.

"Mmm. Guilty! But really, you have no idea. Sometimes I really feel bad for you straights. You guys don't know what you're missing."

Armin flushed pink and clapped his hands over his ears. 

"La la la!"

Eren straightened and lead them through the house. Jean rolled his eyes.

"Yes, Yeager, I  _ do _ know what I'm missing. Two dicks is one dick too many when I'm dancing the horizontal mambo."

Eren and Armin both hooted with laughter as they bounded up the steps to the second floor. Eren snorted when he heard Jean mumble a quiet, ' _ especially if the other dick is bigger than mine, _ ' under his breath. Jean's obsession with Levi's more-impressive-than-average dick size, seemed to be slightly higher on the Kinsey Scale ***** **(See A/N)** than his sexuality would imply, and it provided them all with never ending amusement.

"Who even calls it that, man?"

Before they reached the top of the stairs Armin halted. 

"Uh, is he up? I've walked in on that once already and...you know…"

Eren pushed past him across the landing.

"Chill man, it's just us. He's asleep in the basement and my mom and Mika should be back any minute. Your timing is actually perfect. Besides, you think I want to present my  _ boyfriend _ like a feast for your hungry eyes?"

"I'm  _ not _ gay, Eren!"

° ☆ °

Mikasa woke up face down and uncomfortable. Her throat felt sore from...screaming? Muffled whining bleated from the one earbud she could locate and she shoved it under her pillow while she searched blindly in the sheets for her phone so she could cut the music. Images... _ memories _ ? from her dream rushed at her in blurry snippets that faded as she tried to focus on them.  _ Fuck, my head is pounding _ . She tried to sit up and immediately fell back again when she was hit by a wall of dizziness. Apparently vomiting up the contents of your stomach and then falling asleep without so much as drinking a glass of water was not a recipe for a comfortable evening. She started to make her way shakily to her bedroom door when voices from the next room froze her in place. 

"No, no! Turn around!"

"Damn it!"

_ Armin, of course and Eren _ ...she winced. Just hearing his voice threatened to tear open the wound that her mind was desperately trying to stitch together.  _ Someone else, too. _ One of the other pledges.  _ What was his name? _ Armin's timely exclamation resolved her curiosity.

"Ah, fuck you, Jean! We are supposed to be on the same team! No loyalty!"

Mikasa couldn't help but grin through her pain. Armin had always been shit on the Xbox. 

Eren laughed and the tightness in her chest threatened to suffocate her. She took slow breaths as the guys bantered back and forth. Soon the game theme went quiet. 

"Gets you every time, Coconut! What can I say, it's fun to watch you lose."

"Asshole, Horseface."

Ever the peacemaker, Eren chose that moment to intervene.

"Hey, hey, ladies, please! 'Tis the season. Hey what are you guys doing for Christmas anyway?"

Mikasa heard the shush of material and could clearly picture the three guys relaxing around Eren's bedroom. Armin would be on the beanbag chair- he called it 'his spot' when they were kids, and she would bet money that Eren was laying across the bed on his stomach. It was Jean who answered the question first.

"The usual. We do a community dinner with Marco's family and then go to Midnight Mass. Christmas afternoon we usually volunteer at the soup kitchen."

_ Jean...Marco...a tall boy with brown hair and a blonde undercut and a slightly shorter one with close cropped, curly red hair and freckles. Walking together, hurrying along... _

Armin asked the question that was on her mind,

"Cool Jean. I didn't know you and Marco met in church."

"Yeah. His uncle is actually the Priest of Jinae Valley Catholic Church. We've been best friends since we were kids."

Eren chuckled.

"Don't tell me you two were actually alter boys?? It's all coming together…"

"As a matter of fact we were, what's that got to do wi-"

"Just saying you two are awfully close-"

There was more laughing and a brief scuffle before the noise subsided. 

"Ow, ow, enough! Geez...what about you Ar?"

Mikasa could hear their blond friend shrug. The peanuts in the beanbag chair shifted and shushed. 

"The whole clan is coming down. Grampa is stoked. I get to share a room with my 17 first cousins, as usual. Which means I'll probably be crashing right here." 

Mikasa nodded to herself. Armin's grandpa lived with him and his parents, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say they lived with his grandpa, in the house he had purchased with Armin's grandmother back in the days when he was a struggling deckhand on a fishing boat- decades before he owned his own fleet. The now retired patriarch of the rather extensive Arlert Clan loved his family more than his business and had passed it on to his children so he could focus on raising Armin when it became clear that his parents would be travelling frequently for work. 

Armin's dad had nine siblings and each was married with kids, all of whom descended several times a year for massive family gatherings that Armin always complained about but (not so) secretly loved. Mikasa tried to smile but it made her head throb. Armin really was the nicest, most well adjusted person she knew.  _ If only everyone is Eren's life could be so pure... _

"What about you guys? Will Levi see his family? They live close by, don't they?"

Mikasa perked up. Her gut had told her to listen to this conversation and she wasn't wrong. Maybe this was information she could use to get Levi out of her hair. Eren was making noises of dissent. 

"Nah. I mean I guess they do, his adoptive family lives in Marley, about 45 minutes from here. But he's not on good terms with them. In fact, it's kind of a more, 'violently contentious dislike.'..." 

Adopted? 

Mikasa frowned, not liking the idea that Levi was adopted. She didn't want to have anything more in common with him than she already did. It was already far too much. 

Mikasa let the voices fade into the background and crept downstairs on silent feet, mulling over what she had learned. They had been home for nearly a week and Levi hadn't said a word about his family or shown any interest in seeing them. But Marley really  _ was  _ close by, probably even closer than 45 minutes. Shingham was a large sprawling port city bordered by the ocean on one side and suburbs that flowed seamlessly into the countryside in the north and west, and more built up industrial land in the south. To the north of the city lay Jinae Valley, where Jean and Marco grew up. The Yeagers, Arlerts, and Mikasa's birth parents lived to the west in Shinghamton. Marley was to the south and was typically considered a rougher sort of neighborhood considering its proximity to the docks and industrial complexes.

It made sense to her that Levi was from a place like that.

Her foot had just hit the bottom stair when the front door opened. Carla Yeager bustled into the house, cold and cheerful from outside.  _ Mom _ . 

Warmth filled her as she looked at Carla, abating some of the lethargy that weighed down her body. She had dim, faraway memories of her birth parents, which paled next to the woman who had adopted her. She remembered the first day she saw her with startling clarity. 

They had taken to referring to her parents death as an 'accident' but it wasn't, Mikasa knew, because she was there. Her parents had both been lawyers, her mother the lead criminal prosecutor of Jinae Valley. It was staged to look like a home invasion gone wrong, but everyone knew it was a reprisal killing. Mikasa had wet the bed earlier in the night and her mother was in the bathroom helping her shower off when the men broke in. Father had been killed in his bed. Mother had given her a kiss and locked her in the bathroom so she could run for the phone and call the police. The police came in time to save Mikasa. They were too late for Mother. 

She spent that night in the hospital, watching and listening to the adults buzzing around her, cold and detached. Everyone kept lying to her and telling her everything would be okay, but she knew it wouldn't. She knew her parents were dead. How could everything be okay after that? There was one person who didn't lie. The brain surgeon who tried to save Mother's life. He had frowned and knelt to her level, delivering the news of her mother's death matter of factly, as though he was speaking to an adult. 

His composure had calmed her and she latched onto him, following him around for the rest of the day, and he allowed it. When it was time for him to go home, he took her with him. She must have fallen asleep in the car, because she woke up being carried into a strange house...the house that would become her home...and the smiling face of the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. Even more beautiful than Mother. 

"My name is Carla and if it's all right with you, you're gonna live here from now on. Do you like brownies?"

Mikasa had taken her hand and stepped into the light. Grisha and Carla had given her everything. A place to heal and grow, a home, a family, a brother.  _ Love _ . 

_ How would they react if they knew how I felt about Eren? Would they see it as a betrayal?  _

Mikasa felt tremors run through her body as she began to shake and her stomach heaved, threatening to spill its contents again, even though there was nothing left. The Yeagers meant everything to her. She couldn't lose them.  _ Any of them.  _

"Oh hello, darling! Been home long?"

Mikasa offered up a wan smile. Carla stopped in her tracks, easily reading that Mikasa was unwell. 

"Nah I just got here. My stomach has been acting up a bit."

Carla gave her a concerned frown and switched immediately into 'nurse mode.' Mikasa allowed herself to be ushered into the kitchen. She usually hated this sort of fussing but could definitely use the love right now...when she felt so confused and empty. 

"We'll get you fixed right up, Sweetheart! Whose car is out front?"

"Oh, Eren has some friends over, I think."

"Wonderful! They will have to stay for dinner…"

Carla chattered on about lunch with her friends and what she would make for dinner that night, all while gently plying Mikasa with remedies to soothe her stomach. She let it wash over her as she started to plan.  _ Family _ . Family was the key. If Levi was with his family, where he belonged, he would stop trying to steal hers. All she had to do was find a way to make it happen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The Kinsey Scale is a Heterosexual-Homosexual rating scale developed by Alfred Kinsey and others in 1948, which graded sexual tendencies on a scale of 0-6 (0 being completely straight, 6 being completely gay.) For example, Eren would probably rate a true 6 (much to Mikasa's disappointment) and Armin (though Eren loves to tease him, is probably a 0 or a 1. Alfred Kinsey's work was instrumental in defining sexuality as fluid and subject to be changed and influenced by many factors. To read more about his research copy this link into your browser:  
> https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale  
> ♡DiLo


	8. Origins II

Carla sat at the kitchen counter flipping through a Sharper Image catalogue. She looked up with a ready smile on her lips when her daughter prowled into the kitchen. Mikasa was on her third day of some sort of stomach virus she had come down with and was finally starting to look like herself again. Seeing her in the kitchen of her own volition was a good start. 

"What's up mom?"

"Nothing, darling. Can I make you something? I can make white rice or tea-"

Mikasa shook her head and sat down.

"I'm not hungry, mom, thanks. But seriously, whatcha doing?"

"Oh, just trying to find some last minute Christmas presents. I swear, I am surrounded by people who are impossible to buy gifts for-"

She gave Mikasa a pointed look and then went back to the magazine.

"-at least I have Eren. That boy is an open book. But he brought Levi, who is even more impossible than you. Speaking of which, I'm really proud of you Mika, you guys seem to be getting along better now."

Mikasa shrugged and leaned against the counter. Carla really  _ was _ proud, but she didn't want to overdo it. Levi and Mikasa had settled into a pattern of ignoring each other unless they absolutely had to interact and when they did interact, keeping it as brief and stiffly polite as possible. It might not have been Carla's first choice- Eren seemed to be pretty stressed about it- but at least the house was more peaceful without their constant bickering. Sometimes they seemed more like siblings than Eren and Mikasa...

"So...um, have you found anything good yet?"

Carla flipped the magazine closed in frustration.

"Nothing! But I really want to do something nice for Levi. To make him feel welcome. He has done so much for our family and I just feel like I am not doing enough to show him how grateful we are for him."

Carla sighed.

She still woke up at night, soaked with sweat, reliving the shooting at Paradis University. Mikasa had gotten in touch within a few hours. It had taken a whole day and a half before she had heard Eren's voice. To think that both of her children had actually witnessed such a horrible scene gave her chills. And when she had finally seen them…

Mikasa was in shock, but fine. She had always been a strong little thing, not easily shaken. But Eren...deep down she knew he was strong, but he had always been fragile. Eren was traumatized. If it was possible to be both alive and dead, that is how she would have described her son. While Levi lay comatose, his eyes, his voice...were empty, utterly lifeless. It was as if his soul had been sucked from his body and only the shell was left. It walked and talked...it moved and breathed...but it had no life. 

She watched the videos- they played them ceaselessly on the news and were all over social media- she wasn't a person who felt comfortable with violence, but she had to know what happened in that room, so she could figure out how to help her son. It wasn't until she had seen the video again, shot from a different angle, one behind where her children had been huddled that she realized the truth. Levi had gone into that room, faced that shooter looking death in the face, for  _ Eren _ . Even when he was fighting, his focus constantly strayed to Eren.

Something bound these two young men together that was stronger than the fear of death. 

Eren was such a good boy. Sweet, kind, and caring. Sometimes far too sensitive. He felt things with his entire being. He had always needed someone who would look out for him. Seeing him together with Levi, it was clear how naturally the older boy filled that role. They were good together. She had never seen Eren so happy and Levi was obviously the cause. She just wanted to do something nice for him. 

Carla shrugged.

"He just...still seems, lonely, don't you think? It must be so hard not seeing his family for the holidays. Especially since his birthday is on Christmas."

Mikasa shifted again. 

"Actually, maybe there is something we can do. I heard Eren talking about it the other day...how Levi feels about his family. Why don't we invite them for dinner?"

Carla lit up, but her expression quickly darkened.

"I don't know, Mika. Family relationships can be tricky, are you sure that's a good idea? Maybe we should ask-"

"No! I mean, that would ruin the surprise. I'm sure Levi only didn't go home because Eren convinced him to stay here, instead. Anyone can tell that Levi is head over heels for Eren. When he wants something, you know how he gets. Plus he can't keep a secret to save his life."

Carla nodded fondly. Eren had always been pretty successful at getting his way, and Levi certainly seemed like putty in her son's hands. It was an amusing thought- considering Levi didn't seem like the type of person to be putty in anyone's hands. 

"Maybe you're right. But how to contact them?"

Mikasa pulled a slip of paper out of her pocket and laid it down on the counter.

"Actually, I already tracked them down. They live just across town."

Carla smiled warmly at her daughter and squeezed her hand where it rested against the countertop.

"This is so nice of you, Mika, to make this effort."

Mikasa straightened up and backed away.

"So, you'll call them?"

"Hm. Yes, this might be just the thing. Thanks again, darling."

"Don't mention it, mom. You know I'd do anything for my family."

° ☆ °

Marco straightened up and stretched his back, listening to it pop and click as he rotated his shoulders. Sweating this hard in December should be illegal, but tomorrow was Christmas Eve, and the meeting hall at the Jinae Valley Catholic Church wasn't going to prep itself for the Community Christmas Dinner. He looked around the room, taking in the faces of his friends and community members, while he caught his breath. They were some of the best people he knew, all more than willing to take time out of their own holiday preparations to volunteer at the Church. He knew a good lot of them weren't even attending the dinner, which raised them even higher in his estimation. 

His eyes fell on one person in particular and the corners of his mouth drew up in a smile.  _ Jean _ . He remembered the day they met. It flashed through his mind now and he could see it clearly, as though 12 years hadn't passed…

_ Uncle Nolan gave Marco a special job, and since he wasn't only Marco's Uncle, but the Priest of the whole Church, Marco knew he couldn't really say no. Saying no to Uncle Nolan was like saying no to The Lord and nobody said no to Jesus! The problem was, he didn't know how to do it, exactly. He already knew all the other kids in prayer group, so befriending someone new was impossible, even if he was able to get over his shyness enough to actually talk to a stranger.  _

_ For weeks, he couldn't do what Father Nolan had asked of him, but today, his heart leapt with excitement when a new boy was dropped off at prayer group by a tall pretty woman he had never seen before. The boy was also tall, but he couldn't be much older than Marco because the prayer groups were separated by age and this one only went up to Kindergarten. The boy didn't join the group and Marco saw the opportunity to do what Nolan asked. He walked up to the boy, his heart throbbing painfully in anticipation and stood directly in front of him.  _

_ "Hi. I'm Marco." _

_ The boy looked him up and down and focused on his hair. _

_ "I've never met anyone with red hair before." _

_ Marco shrugged.  _

_ "It's always been this color. My Ma says it's because our family used to be Vikings. A lot of people who live here used to be Vikings." _

_ The boy frowned at him in disbelief.  _

_ "You're too short to be a Viking." _

_ This boy had a funny, direct way of speaking that his mother probably would have said was rude, but for some reason it didn't bother him. _

_ "So? I don't have to be a Viking until I grow up." _

_ The boy considered this and nodded, grinning. His two front teeth stood out at an awkward angle from his long face.  _

_ "I'm Jean. I used to live really far away but my dad got a new job so we live here now."  _

_ Marco nodded and reached out for Jean's hand. The taller boy looked down at their clasped hands and smiled at him again.  _

_ "That's good. We're gonna be friends from now on."  _

_ He started pulling the newcomer into the prayer circle but the boy dragged his feet. _

_ "Hey...Marco?" _

_ "Yeah?" _

_ Jean shuffled back and forth for a moment. _

_ "Can I be a Viking, too, when I grow up? Since I live here now?" _

_ Marco's smile flooded his face and Jean smiled back. _

_ "Of course!" _

He and Jean became practically inseparable after that day. Jean's family lived close to the Church, only a few blocks away from Marco's house. They were in the same class at school and saw each other at Church every Sunday. As they got older, they balanced each other out; Jean was rash and impulsive, and Marco was calm and deliberate. They grew up side by side, completely secure in their friendship. Marco gained confidence because he knew Jean would always accept him. It didn't take long before they were closer than brothers (Marco was pretty experienced with brothers, because he had four and they weren't much to write home about). Jean was better than all of them put together. Jean was his best friend. 

"Hey, Freckles. Taking a break without me?"

Marco shook his head and focused on Jean who had stripped to his undershirt after moving another table into place. He looked away quickly, hoping his friend would think he was flushed from exertion. Luckily Kean wasn't the type to notice subtle cues. They bantered lightly as they both got back to work, soon huffing too hard to talk. Marco was grateful for the break. He needed to think. 

He didn't know quite when he had started to feel this way. He didn't think it was new, exactly… it was less a discovery and more of an acknowledgement of something that was a part of him that he always ignored. Even now, he didn't think of himself as gay. Being gay was never an option for him, as a Catholic, so he never really considered it. He didn't consider it in seventh grade when he and Jean took Sally Evans and Mandy Park to the Valentine's Dance and he spent the night completely ignoring his "date." Jean had his first kiss that night and Marco was happy for him, even if the idea of mashing your lips up against some girl's face mildly revolted him. He didn't consider it when they were sophomores in high school and Jean lost his virginity to Susan Lipsky behind the bleachers during the Homecoming parade. Even if the idea of being that close with a girl made him feel slightly sick.

Marco always listened and asked the right questions, but deep down he wasn't remotely interested in the exploits that it seemed every other boy his age was obsessed with. Why would he need some whiny, annoying girlfriend when he had his hands full with school and Church and whatever crazy scheme Jean could think up next? Life was fun and uncomplicated and girls were trouble, safest when viewed from a reasonable distance. His opinion was only confirmed as Jean suffered heartbreak after heartbreak.

He never really thought it was strange that he was still a virgin when he and Jean left for Paradis University. It was not uncommon for people in his Church to save themselves for marriage. Eventually he would meet someone who he was interested in and nature would take its course. He just hadn't met her yet. 

Paradis was somewhat of a culture shock for him, going from his small, mostly Catholic community to a massive, inclusive, diverse university. Eren was the first openly gay person he had ever met, let alone become friends with. Marco didn't consider himself homophobic, but he couldn't deny that before actually getting to know a homosexual person he held many prejudiced opinions, most of which were not even based remotely on reality. Eren was just a regular guy- a cool, kind, multifaceted person- who happened to be attracted to other guys. Getting to know Eren (and then Levi, once he found out he was also gay) completely changed Marco's entire perspective. It changed the way he looked at the world and the way he looked at himself. 

The truth had been brewing under the surface for a long time, he had just never seen it for what it was. He  _ did _ crave intimacy and connection like the other kids his age, he just didn't look for it in the arms of some girl because he already had it...with Jean. His heart was lost before he even knew it was found, to the boy who had taken his hand when they were six years old and never let it go, no matter what life brought them. 

For the longest time Marco had felt like half of him was missing, but in the last few months the pieces started clicking into place. Not only was he in love, but he was physically attracted to his best friend. He didn't hate himself for this realization. Knowing the truth made him feel whole.

But just because a vessel is whole, doesn't mean it isn't empty.

He knew Jean didn't see him that way. He was as straight as an arrow and always had been. Marco didn't rage against this truth and it never even crossed his mind to confess. Jean was happy with the way things were and that made Marco happy. He could be close to the person he loved without complicating their relationship and risking pushing Jean away. It made him happy to know that Jean loved him, too. Differently of course, but for him it would have to be enough. Plenty of people led fulfilling lives that weren't centered around sex and kissing the person you like. His Uncle Nolan, for one…

The idea struck Marco like a bolt of lightning and it gained traction the more he thought about it. He never had to get married or pretend he was someone he wasn't. He could stay by Jean's side forever, secure in their friendship. A feeling of satisfaction spread through his chest. It must have shown on his face because Jean noticed it too.

"How are you not too tired to smile?"

They were flopped on the floor at the back of the room with the others who had done the heavy lifting, surveying their handiwork. The last of the tables had been arranged and a second army of volunteers had started rolling out the tablecloths.

Marco turned to his best friend and smiled, feeling a surge of affection that warmed him.  _ This is the right thing. The way we are is enough. _

"Do you remember what we said we were gonna be when we grew up?"

Jean looked at him curiously and grinned. Marco felt his heart squeeze in his chest. He had always been tall and handsome, but his teeth were straighter now (after suffering through braces) and he had mostly grown into his face. His ridiculous hair might take some getting used to, but when he smiled, he was still the same Jean.

"Vikings. But I think I've changed my mind. Too much manual labor."

Jean flopped back down dramatically.

Marco laughed for a minute and then became serious.

"Hey Jeannie? Do you think I'd make a good Priest? I think I'm still too short to be a Viking, anyway."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Update, my Lovelies! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was originally much shorter (at least by half 😉) but I realized last week that in order for the story to flow properly later on, I needed to develop some of these characters sooner rather than later. Looks like Marco is dealing with some pretty heavy stuff, but in true Marco fashion, he never loses his positive attitude! Writing six year old JeanxMarco was probably the most fun I have had outside of writing smut.  
> Oh Mikasa, you naughty girl, what are you up to...?  
> The next few sections are the last in Part I and shits about to go down, so hang on just a little bit longer.  
> Your support means everything! Share ♡ and comment 💬  
> ♡DiLo


	9. Oh, Holy Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this work, the characters have varying levels of religious beliefs, which I have touched upon, but have tried not to stress too heavily (Jean and Marco are Catholic, Eren's family is Christian, etc.) In this chapter and those going forward, Eren is revealed as more of a militant Atheist and Levi has not opened up about his religious feelings (what a shock!), but it is a pretty safe bet that he doesn't give two figs about it. The views of the characters do not necessarily reflect my personal views, and I want to state here that I have no intention of insulting anyone's religious beliefs. However, I will say that for my own part, I hate the holidays, so in this, I relate to Levi on a spiritual level. The next few chapters contain both religion and smut.  
> I'm sorry if this is a bit of a short chapter, if I mushed all of the Christmas action together, it would have been way too long.  
> Plus, I've tried to add some images to this chapter and will try to do it more in future as a little treat! I had very strong visual references for this chapter and I wanted to share them with you.  
> Also, sorry if I'm kind of rambling, I haven't slept in days 😴  
> ♡DiLo

Darkness fell, and Christmas Eve settled around the neighborhood like a blanket. To Levi and Eren's bemused derision two groups of carolers had already come calling. The second, at least, was composed almost completely of elementary school kids, who butchered the songs so badly, they didn't even sound like carols any more. Grisha left for the hospital at 5pm; Christmas and New Years were busy in the E.R. and a good neurosurgeon was never wasted. Carla and Mikasa left for Midnight Mass early, to meet with the women's club so by 9pm the house was quiet and empty save for Eren, Levi and the Original version of It's A Wonderful Life playing on the living room t.v.

Eren woke up at ten thirty to the scrolling credits, to find that Levi had gone to bed. 

° ☆ °

_ Christmas 12:02am _

Levi blinked himself awake and lay motionless in bed staring up at the ceiling. He focused on the shallow breaths and shuffling gait of the person creeping into his room. He knew who it was immediately and his coiled muscles relaxed. He was prepared when Eren's warm hands flipped up his sheet and the younger man's furnace-hot body slid into bed next to him. Amazing how he is always so warm, even though I'm the one laying in bed. 

Eren wasted no time, but was on him almost immediately, those nimble fingers sliding up his chest under the blanket. Levi enjoyed it for a moment, pretending to be asleep, even though he knew Eren knew there was no way he wouldn't have woken up by now. When he didn't respond, Eren climbed on top of him, stretching his lithe body out over the man underneath him so that their cocks rubbed together. That was enough to blow his cover. Levi groaned and let his hands wander up to Eren's slim waist, feeling the soft skin under the thin t-shirt. When he opened his eyes, he could see Eren's angelic face shining at him in the greenish glow from the alarm clock.

"To what do I owe this very welcome, but very unexpected invasion? I figured you'd be at Mass right now..."

Eren gave him an odd look and sighed, leaned his head against Levi's chest for a moment, seeming to savor the moment as much as he was. They had finally broken their dry spell a few days ago, but as great as the sex had been, it wasn't enough to hold either of them over for long and they hadn't had any opportunities for a repeat performance. 

"I didn't surprise you at all, did I?"

"Nuh uh."

Levi felt butterflies flutter inside his chest at the unbearable cuteness. He tipped Eren's chin up and kissed him lightly on the lips, letting the moment settle around them. The night was hushed and dark, the bed was warm, Eren was soft and sweet and on top of him. It was everything he wanted. Eren pulled back, making a small whimpering sound in the back of his throat that shot straight to his groin.

"To answer your question, there is only one person who makes this day special and he is right in front of me. I just wanted to be the first to wish him a happy birthday. And give him a present, of course."

Levi grinned into the darkness. He hadn't been particularly looking forward to his birthday- age wasn't something that was very important to him, in general- but if this was how Eren celebrated birthdays, he'd take it. He slid his hands down the younger man's body and grabbed two handfuls of his plump ass. He spoke into his lips.

"In that case, I like my present very, very much."

Levi could practically hear Eren roll his eyes in the darkness. He pressed against Levi's chest to sit up and reached over to switch the bedside lamp on. 

"Well that too, but I got you a real present."

Eren paused to look at him as the lamp flared to life, illuminating them both in a soft golden glow. The younger man's breathing hitched, just slightly, but Levi could tell exactly what he was thinking and it caused his lips to twitch in amusement.  _ This horny brat… _

Levi raised an eyebrow when Eren just sat there staring at him. 

"Ahh right, sorry. I got distracted. It's so unfair that you can be  _ this _ sexy in the middle of the night without even trying."

Levi's lips twitched again. Eren sat on top of him, his beautiful, messy hair falling across his forehead. An obnoxiously ridiculous, bright green, too-tight, Lucky Charms t-shirt (that he had probably had since the seventh grade) was stretched over his lean torso.  _ He looks good enough to eat.  _ Levi flexed his abs to sit up against Eren, meeting him where he sat instead of pulling him down again.

"Look who's talking, brat. Now get on with it before my patience runs out and I nail you to this mattress."

Eren's cheeks heated up to a delightful shade of pink and he bit his full lower lip.  _ Amazing how someone can look so temptingly erotic and shy at the same time. _

"So, I couldn't afford to get you two gifts and I didn't want to borrow money from my mom...so I decided to pool my funds and get you one  _ nice _ thing instead of two  _ crappy _ things. So, this is for your Birthday  _ and _ Christmas, okay?"

Levi rolled his eyes but he wasn't really impatient; Eren was being too cute not to thoroughly amuse him.

"I was happy when I thought it was you, honey."

"It's okay if you don't like it…"

Levi cocked his head with interest when Eren produced a long rectangular box and held it out to him, averting his gaze nervously. 

Levi sat up and shifted them both so he could lean against the headboard. His eyes widened when he opened the box. A smooth silver infinity symbol winked up at him in the weak lamplight. One black leather thong and two strips of braided black leather affixed the symbol to a silver watch-like clasp. He stared at it, completely at a loss for words, even if he could have spoken past the lump in his throat. 

"I um...I felt like it was fitting since...well, I feel like...um...forever is a word I think of a lot when we're together."

Levi laid his gift carefully on the bedside table before crushing Eren to him in a just-too-tight embrace.

"It's perfect. I love it." 

He felt Eren exhale against him and couldn't help but ruffle his hair.  _ Seriously, so nervous over something silly… _

"Now I have something for you."

Eren sat up frowning.

"Let's exchange gifts now since this is also my Christmas present."

"That's not-"

"Come on, birthday wish?"

Eren rolled his eyes again but Levi tapped the tip of his nose with his forefinger.

"You know, if you're not careful, your face will get stuck like that."

Levi leaned over and opened the bedside drawer, producing a small velvet pouch that he laid in Eren's extended palm. 

"I saw this a while ago and I just thought you should have it. Merry Christmas, brat."

Eren pulled the finger-sized, aged copper key out of the pouch by its soft leather cord. From a distance it looked like a simple skeleton key, but up close, it was carved with intricate detail from the diamond shaped cutout at the top to the three teeth at the bottom. His boyfriend's eyes looked huge in his face. 

"It's...it's...thank you, Levi, I love it."

Levi took his hand and laid the necklace gently down on the bedside table over his bracelet before taking the younger man's face in his hands. 

"You're the key to everything, Eren. I love you."

Levi didn't know how he managed to say such corny, entirely true words with a straight face, but even he wasn't immune to the emotions swirling around them. This is what it was like with them- playful banter, slutty, frantic sex, and tremblingly romantic, soul touching moments that made the entire world disappear. He caressed Eren's cheeks with his thumbs and they kissed softly until Levi tasted the salty hint of tears. Eren pulled back but rested their foreheads together.

"Happy birthday, Levi."

Levi let a hint of mischief creep into his tone to lighten the mood. He was immune to Eren sitting on top of him in a bed for just so long...

"Hmm. That's right, it  _ is _ my birthday. Which means the only time I want you crying is from being stuffed past your limit with my very mature, 21 year old cock today." 

Eren giggled through his tears as he was flipped onto the bed with a soft thump.

"Yes,  _ sir _ !"

"Mmm, that's right. Do I get to keep you until morning?"

Eren's eyes turned serious and his smile faded just a little. He looked like he was going to say something, but bit his lip at the last moment. Levi felt Eren slide his fingertips up between their bodies and placed them on his cheeks.

"Forever. Keep me forever,  _ Heichou _ ."

Eren didn't seem to notice that he had slipped into the past and Levi was too caught up in the moment to point it out. Just like that, they were thrust into a limbo where time didn't exist. Levi felt engulfed in a tidal wave of emotion. No matter where, no matter when, Eren broke down the barriers he had constructed to keep himself sane. Levi felt vulnerable. His face flooded with heat and he felt odd prickles in the back of his throat and the corners of his eyes. 

It was a tenuous moment before he was able to swallow his feelings, choosing to reach out and switch the light off instead of embarrassing himself. Enough confessions had passed between them. Eren knew how he felt, he didn't need to collapse into a blubbering mess. Neither of them would have any idea how to deal with  _ that _ .

Instead, he focused on the body beneath his. The body that never failed to excite him. Lean muscles, smooth skin; soft and hard in all the right places. He settled over Eren and reached down to slide his shirt up while he nudged between his legs. His voice was hoarse but he covered it by speaking in a whisper.

"Well, forever or a night, how about we make it count?" 

Eren moaned willingly as Levi kissed him again and lead them in the slow rhythmic dance that would pleasure their bodies and engulf their senses. The word forever echoed in his mind as he devoured the trembling body beneath him and tore soft moans of ecstasy out of his lover's throat.  _ I can do forever.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😊🙈😇


	10. That Blush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> R18 Smut Warning: All the sex.

_ Christmas 8:36am _

Mikasa met Eren at the top of the stairs, stretching and yawning. She was momentarily surprised, but didn't let it show on her face. When they returned from Mass, Eren had not been in his bedroom, though the house was dark and quiet. She knew, because she checked. Still, it was a nice gesture that he kept up appearances and she wasn't about to make an issue out of it. 

Eren grabbed her around the neck and bussed her cheek. She grumbled, but her heart leapt. 

"Merry Christmas, Mika."

"Merry Christmas, morning breath."

Eren chuckled and slipped in front of her to beat her downstairs. They both had the same destination, ingrained from years of Christmas mornings: The Tree. Or more specifically, the presents  _ under _ the tree. Mom was already there, with hot chocolate sitting on the stone steps in front of the fireplace and the sugar cookies that 'Santa had leftover from last night.' The door opened and Grisha appeared, fresh off his shift at the hospital. Some traditions were important for all of them. 

Mikasa glanced around nervously as they exchanged gifts. Levi had yet to make an appearance and this was not a family experience she wanted to share with  _ him _ . She tensed when Carla brought him up...praying her mother wouldn't mention their surprise guests in front of Eren.

"Where's Levi, darling? I want to give him his gift, Mikasa helped pick it out, you know." 

Eren raised his eyebrow in disbelief and Mikasa avoided eye contact. She  _ had _ been sitting next to Carla when she picked out the fancy Bone Conduction/Bluetooth athletic headphones, but she really had nothing to do with it. Her gift to Levi would arrive at 5pm. 

"He went for a run. He should get back any minute. Anyway, this is from both of us…"

The gift exchange continued until the floor under the tree was littered with torn paper. Grisha had fallen asleep in one of the high backed chairs by the fire and Carla disappeared into the kitchen with their empty mugs. Mikasa and Eren were sitting under the tree, propped up against the window seat. There had been a lull in the conversation, but they turned to each other both opening their mouths to speak. 

"No, you…"

"You first…"

Eren grinned,

"I wasn't really gonna say anything. Just that I'm really happy right now. With everything that happened at school...i'm glad things are getting back to normal for us."

Mikasa smiled, but her insides felt wrong...like a knot of snakes, coiling and twisting in her stomach.  _ Nothing about this is normal.  _

"I love you too, big brother."

Eren ruffled her hair and she nudged his shoulder moments before the door opened. Levi walked into the house and paused by the archway leading into the living room. He was wearing black sports leggings with a pair of shorts layered over them, a long sleeved black under armor shirt and gloves. His body was clearly defined under the material of his clothing and bits of ice clung to his hair from his sweat freezing against his forehead. She could feel Eren pull away from her. Knowing that he sat ogling this person made her stomach lurch with disgust.  _ Ugh tonight can't come soon enough! Who goes running in this kind of weather, anyway, except a freak? _

Eren had already hopped up and was chattering to the interloper excitedly about opening presents. Which he mostly ignored. Levi continued walking towards the basement stairs and Eren trailed after him without so much as a backward glance. Carla's voice drifted in from the other room.

"Hey Mika? Can you collect the recycling from under the tree, please?"

Mikasa sighed and crouched down to scoop up the papers and shove them into one of the discarded gift bags. She was about to shove a huge wad into the bag when an envelope with a red ribbon tumbled out onto the floor. She picked it up curiously, noting that it had her name on the outside and a small script "L" in the corner. She considered throwing it out, but changed her mind at the last moment, shoving it into the back pocket of her jeans.  _ What could he give me that I would actually want anyway? _ Resolving to deal with it later, she gathered up the rest of the recycling and headed to the kitchen. All she had to do now was wait.

° ☆ °

_ Christmas 11:45am _

Eren stood in front of the dressing table in his bedroom, a towel hanging low over his hips, as he tried to fight a comb through the wet unruly mass of his hair. Taylor Swift crooned softly from the speaker under his docked S9, and he swayed absentmindedly to the music. Last night had gone even more perfectly than he planned. He groaned in defeat as his comb snapped in half. Placing it down, he was immediately distracted by his Christmas present, which sat on its velvet pouch gleaming in the sunlight that filtered through the window. 

He ran his fingers over the metal and felt it heat to his touch, shivering slightly at the memory of what happened  _ after _ he was given this gift. It was honestly almost embarrassing how quickly he melted under Levi's touch. He didn't know how it was possible, but sex with Levi was only getting  _ better _ , and it had been pretty fucking incredible in the first place. Their lovemaking had been sweet and soft, Levi thrusting into him at a torturously slow and measured pace while they held their bodies close in the darkness. It may have been slow, but the angle was wicked, massaging Eren's prostate and grinding against his dick until he barely had breath left in his body. They had cum within moments if eachother, Levi savagely sinking his teeth into Eren's collarbone. 

Eren ran his fingertips appreciatively over the purpling bruise on his neck. He wished he could go downstairs this way or take a selfie and share it with everyone he knew, but Levi was more private than he was and probably wouldn't approve.

_ Maybe I'll ask him about it… _

Eren snatched up his phone and snapped a quick selfie, just in case, before setting it down and attacking his hair again, getting back to his daydream in the process.

This last time, the afterglow had been even more incredible than the main event. They could have both gone for longer (his boyfriend almost never let him get away with only cumming once,) but they had chosen to cuddle instead, and fall asleep wrapped tightly in each other's arms. Levi had fallen asleep first, his head pillowed on Eren's chest, their arms and legs intertwined. The way he could sleep, every night, for the rest of his life. 

Levi got up to go for a run with the dawn (sleeping later that he ordinarily would have, since they were together) so Eren had gotten back into his own bed for a few extra hours of sleep. He had wanted to spend more time with Levi after he returned, but his boyfriend had insisted on a shower and then gone to help his mom in the kitchen. There was no way Eren was going to do  _ that _ , so he took the opportunity to straighten up his room and freshen himself up. The quick shower helped soothe some of the minor aches from last night but had done little to improve his hair situation.

"Maybe I just need a leave in conditioner…"

Eren yelped at the voice behind him.

"It looks perfect. Like a label, warning people of how messy you are."

Eren spun around, instinctively clutching at the towel around his waist, embarrassingly aware that he was blushing like a maiden.

"W-Where did you come from? H-how…long have you been in here?"

Levi pushed away from the corner by the door and stalked him slowly. 

"Long enough to recognize the look on your face."

"L-Look?"

"The look you get when you think about how my cock feels inside you."

Eren's blush spread to the tips of his ears. The fact that Levi was right made him blush harder. 

"Nice room, by the way."

Eren blinked.

"Huh?"

Levi looked at him as though he were slow.

"I haven't been in your room yet."

Eren frowned.  _ Really? In a week and a half? _ Eren searched his memory slowly but realized that Levi had not in fact been in his room yet. His cheeks burned hotter as he glanced around, praying the room was clean enough to pass muster.  _ Thank The Stars I took some time to straighten up… _

"Right, sorry. Thanks."

Levi was walking slowly around the room checking out his various plushies, knickknacks, and posters that hadn't been updated since Middle School. He circled back and sat at the edge of Eren's bed.

"So...this is where the magic happens, eh?"

Eren bit his lip and nodded.  _ Levi is on my bed. Holy shit, he's on my bed… _

Fantasies flowed through his mind in rapid succession. Levi's posture was relaxed, his expression bemused. He wasn't even trying to be sexy.  _ He just exists that way.  _ Eren took a breath trying to calm down, speaking mostly to himself.

"Are you trying to seduce me, or does it just come naturally?"

Levi raised his eyebrows in surprise, got up from the bed and stepped in close, pushing Eren against the dressing table. His voice was a low purr.

"Who is seducing who, now? I came up here to tell you lunch would be ready in half an hour. And I come in to see that tight ass swaying to some music, covered in nothing but a towel. And this-"

Levi ran his hand up Eren's body and stroked his cheek.

"...this fucking blush tempting me to push you down right here and now and defile this innocent, little boy bedroom."

Eren whimpered and glanced reflexively at the door. 

"Someone could come-"

"Someone will."

Levi leaned in to suck his neck over last night's bruise as Eren rolled his eyes at the weak double entendre. He protested...but he didn't push Levi away.

"Seriously, aren't mom and Mika in the house?"

Levi paused his assault and eased back.

"Your sister is out, your mom seems to think it's more efficient to send her to the store every time she remembers something she forgot, rather than make a list. And your mom is baking to Martha Stewart Videos."

Levi nipped Eren's shoulder and stroked his skin.

"The casserole I made for lunch won't be done for another...twenty seven minutes...which might not be  _ plenty _ of time for me to properly ravish you...but it's certainly enough time to fulfill some of the fantasies bouncing around in that pretty little head right now."

Eren felt his stomach tighten and his cock harden. Even after everything they had been through, hearing Levi call him pretty elicited a near pavlovian response from him. Saliva started pooling in his mouth when he leaned into Levi and pushed him back to his sitting position on the edge of the bed. He kissed Levi fleetingly on the mouth before he slipped to his knees. 

"There is this one fantasy…"

He fluttered his eyelashes and gazed up at Levi from between his legs. Levi raised an eyebrow, his expression quickly darkening with lust.

"I want you to bed me over the dressing table, here and fuck me hard, like you did that night in Titan Zone. But this time, I want to feel you come raw. I want you to make a mess inside me."

Levi's breathing was ragged and he ran his fingers through Eren's hair.

"If you want me to cum, you're gonna have to put some work in before I fuck you…"

Drool dribbled out of the side of Eren's mouth. He was well aware of this and thirsted for it. His patience snapped and he leaned forward, unzipping Levi's jeans with his teeth. He licked at Levi's underwear, and felt his boyfriend's cock twitch beneath the material before freeing it with a few quick tugs. 

_ Oh God. His cock… _

Butterflies erupted in Eren's stomach as he licked and nuzzled at the underside of the shaft, scraping his teeth along the frenulum. He spent a few moments just worshipping with his mouth.  _ To think that this is what gives me so much pleasure... _ He moaned and fit his lips around the head, sucking down on it's thickness. He wanted to enjoy himself but they didn't have very long, so he took a breath and deep throated. He heard his jaw click in protest and tears gathered in the corners of his eyes, but he kept at it. 

The scrape of the cockhead against the back of his throat triggered his gag reflex and his throat contracted, making Levi shudder and dig his fingers into Eren's hair. Eren pulled back and started moving, always keeping their time constraints in mind. It wouldn't do to have his mother come looking for them…

Levi groaned quietly as he bobbed up and down, alternately pulling his hair by the roots and stroking his fingers through it repetitively, inadvertently working out the tangles. Eren slipped his hand up into Levi's underwear and rubbed his ball skin between his fingers, earning him a strangled grunt and muttered  _ fuck _ . 

Eren could feel the urgency start to build in Levi's body, his solid muscles growing taut, as he continued to suck, gulping greedily when he tasted precum. Levi was clearly fighting the instinct to thrust into his mouth and spill down his throat. The grip on his hair became frantic and he pulled off, gripping the base of Levi's cock before he could finish. Levi smoldered at him from the bed, his face a wrecked mask of unadulterated lust. They didn't exchange any words as Levi stood, lifting Eren by the shoulders and turning him around so he was pressed against the dressing table. The towel that had been around his hips pooled at their feet.

Levi's voice hissed in his ear and it sent honey dripping through his veins. 

"Bend  _ the fuck  _ over, slut."

Eren hummed low in his throat and let himself be bent forward until he was inches from the mirror. Levi leaned into him and ran a hand down his ass crack, thrusting a finger into his body and grunting with satisfaction. 

"Mmm, still so soft and open. You really are a slut, aren't you? Begging for cock with mommy-dearest right downstairs."

Eren bit back a gasp as Levi steadied his hips and thrust into him ruthlessly, grinding hard to open him wider when it seemed like the angle wouldn't allow him in deep enough to smack Eren's ass with his balls. Eren's eyes fluttered as he watched Levi's reflection moving behind him. They had been in this position many times before, but only once, (that first time in Titan Zone) had Eren been able to watch as Levi fucked him. That mirror had been cloudy with filth and bowed with age and the lighting in the restroom left much to be desired. This mirror was clear and the room was bright from the slanted rays of afternoon sunshine that shone through the window. Levi's jaw was tense and the muscles under his shirt were flexed from his hard grip on Eren's waist. Eren's face grew hot as his breathing became ragged. Levi was just so sexy. His movements were somehow both strong and sensual. Levi's cock stirred up his insides, teasing the sensitive bundle of nerves that would push him to the edge of reason. His cock rubbed against the wooden table in teasing jolts. Any of these things could have easily tipped the scales of his release, but just as he felt himself getting close, Levi snapped his hips forward, grinding hard into his ass. Eren must have started to pant a little too loudly because all of a sudden a hand covered his mouth, silencing him. He wrapped his lips around Levi's middle finger and sucked, whimpering brokenly. He could feel his body squeeze and contract around Levi's hardness as he whined helplessly.

"Jesus  _ fucking _ christ, Eren. Your ass is like a vice."

The relentless pounding, restricted airflow, and dark whispers caught up with Eren all at once and he came, biting down on Levi's finger. The older man shuddered, his mouth opening in a silent oh as he continued to thrust. Again and again, Eren felt him plow into his tense, twitching hole, prolonging his orgasm. With a deep growl, that was more of a vibration than an actual sound, Levi's cock convulsed as he emptied himself inside Eren's body.

It took a solid minute of heavy panting before Eren could loosen his teeth enough for Levi to drop his hand. His boyfriend waited patiently, resting his forehead against Eren's hair and licking lazily at the base of his neck while they both recovered. Finally Levi pushed off of him, his dick sliding out of Eren's ass with a lewd pop that seemed to echo in the room. Levi swiped the towel off the floor and cleaned himself before tucking it between Eren's ass cheeks. 

"Clean yourself up, brat, lunch is ready."

Eren straightened up and turned his brightest, cheesiest smile on his boyfriend. 

"So romance isn't dead after all."

Levi chuckled and smacked his ass lightly. 

"Fucking cheeky, that's what you are. But I'll admit, you know how to celebrate birthdays."

Eren giggled, feeling a giddy rush of pleasure as he cleaned himself off and pulled on some clothes- settling for a basic pair of jeans and the Tri Sig champion T-Shirt. Levi raised an eyebrow at the reference but chose not to comment as they made their way downstairs. 

He stepped into the kitchen ahead of Levi and stopped dead in his tracks. Nearly every surface was covered in either freshly baked goods, dirty pots and pans or cooking utensils. His mother stood at the center of it all, whirling from one task to the next like the expert she was. 

"What happened in here, mom? You cooking for an army tonight?"

Carla flashed him a grin over her shoulder. 

"We have two very important birthdays to celebrate tonight, Eren. Of course everything has to be perfect."

Eren rolled his eyes. Between Jesus and Levi, he knew whose birthday he would be celebrating, but he let the comment pass. His lack of interest in religion was one of the only things he clashed with his mother about. Sure, he believed in a higher power, Fate or whatever, but he had no use for 'gods' or any of the other hocus pocus people used as excuses to kill each other over. He chose to keep the peace with his mother instead of making an issue out of it and possibly offending Levi, making a mental note to ask what he thought about religion. He had a feeling they had similar views (given the fact that Levi went to bed early on Christmas Eve) but he wasn't certain, and didn't want to make an assumption. Since it wasn't a significant part of Eren's life, he had never brought it up. 

Carla turned to Levi, and smiled at him warmly. 

"I pulled your casserole out of the oven, dear. I hope you don't mind. It's already on the table."

"Thank you."

He lead Eren to the table which had already been set. Eren's eyes flew wide.

"No way!! Cheeseburger macaroni! Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?"

Levi rolled his eyes and took a seat, already dishing out piping hot casserole.

"Before you go spreading rumors, it's made with whole wheat pasta, lean meat and actual low fat cheese, none of that shitty cheese-powder that pretends to be food."

Eren grinned and wiggled in anticipation, closing his eyes in abject enjoyment when he took a bite of Levi's version of his favorite childhood meal (and if he was being honest, favorite adult meal…) Like everything else Levi did, it didn't disappoint. He glanced sideways at his boyfriend who had also started eating, his attention on the messy kitchen around him, no doubt planning exactly how he would clean it once he was finished eating. Eren suppressed another giggle and focused on enjoying lunch, which just seemed to be a variation on the theme of his entire relationship with Levi. He just took everything, old experience and new and made it better, different, and more compelling. His mother broke through his abstraction.

"When you finish eating, I need you to bring down some things from the attic, ok, dear?"

"Mm. No problem mom. Levi and I will get on it in a bit."

Carla bustled over to the table and sat down, scooping some casserole onto a plate for herself. She pushed her hair out of eyes leaving a long streak of flour on her cheek. 

"Oh no you don't! Levi needs rest. He's been entirely too active already."

Eren choked on his lunch, thinking about just how active Levi had been, earning himself a confused frown from his mother, who probably thought he was disagreeing. If only she knew.

"He's cooked lunch and I know he will insist on helping me clean this place even if I say no… Eren, your hair looks great! That conditioner I bought must really be working!"

This time it was Levi's turn to choke on his food. He coughed and then winced when it jarred his leg. Eren frowned slightly. It was easy to forget that Levi was still technically recovering from a major surgery. His mom caught Levi's look as well.

"See! I told you. No more exertion today, Levi. It's your birthday, you should be relaxing." 

Levi smiled fondly at Carla When he finally got his breath. 

"I am relaxing, really. You don't have to do anything for me at all. Everything you've already done is more than enough and I love the present, thank you."

Eren and Levi made eye contact and the world faded for a fraction of a second as they stared at each other. Eren could see the last 12 hours of their day reflected in his eyes and bit his lip trying not to get emotional. Carla interrupted the moment.

"I'm so glad you like the headphones, dear! Use them.in good health. And it only gets better from here. You still have a big surprise in store."

Levi hummed and turned back to his food. He jumped slightly when felt Levi's hand sneak onto his thigh under the table and give him a gentle squeeze. He spoke so softly, Eren was sure the comment was meant for his ears alone.

"Better? That would be impossible."


	11. Look Who's Coming to Dinner

_ Christmas 2:54pm _

Mikasa bustled into the house, instantly grateful for the warmth as she shed her outer layers and placed the powdered sugar and lemon juice down by the door. In the last two days, the temperature had dropped a good 5 degrees. It might not seem like much, but the next time it snowed, it would stick. She didn't originally plan on stopping on her way upstairs to sulk in her room, but the cheerily crackling fire promised warmth that she literally couldn't pass up. She walked into the room and almost flinched when she noticed Levi sitting quietly in one of the wing-backed chairs reading a book, wrapped in a grey toggle button sweater, and draped with a blanket. 

The need to make fun of him rose sharp and fast within her, but she suppressed it. She had been playing nice...and by that meaning, she had been completely ignoring Levi except for when she had to interact with him with grudging gruffness. She had regained her 'good child' status and things had finally relaxed between her and Eren. Everything was going according to plan. She nodded and warmed herself for a moment. 

While she gradually regained feeling in her fingers, her gaze wandered to the Christmas tree In front of the window. It stood in all its glory, resplendent with the many ornaments that had been either made or purchased with love and care over the years. She still felt warm and fuzzy from the blessed hour she had with her family under the tree this morning. Christmas had always been one of her favorite holidays, not even  _ he _ could ruin it. Except...right at the top of the tree, the angel had tipped precariously and looked like the slightest jostling would send her and the crystal star she cradled in her arms to an untimely death on the Livingroom floor. 

Mikasa pressed her lips together and judged the distance from the windowsill to the top of the tree. She could  _ just _ make it if she stretched.  _ Better not to, though. _ She glanced at Levi and tried to make her voice not sound like a mutter.

"Where's Eren?"

Levi responded without looking up from the book in his lap or any inflection whatsoever in his voice. Mikasa secretly envied his ability to not look like he gave a fucking shit about anything. 

"Currently hauling some heirloom centerpiece down a very dusty, rickety set of attic stairs."

"I'm surprised you are missing the opportunity to lap at his heels."

At that he looked up, pinning her with his strange colorless eyes.  _ Ugh what does Eren see in this guy? He's so...creepy. _

"The powers that be determined I would be a liability in that particular activity. So I have been tucked in for an afternoon of light reading. And you will have to solve this one yourself."

Mikasa scowled.  _ He's such an asshole. _

"Ugh, of course his freakish height isn't available when I need it."

Mikasa glared at Levi, visibly biting her tongue around a multitude of short-biased insults she wanted to hurl at him. He seemed alarmingly aware of her mental monologue and smiled at her maliciously.

"I wish I could help, but I don't think I could reach."

She glanced at the book in his hands, her father's bound copy of The Prince, and muttered,

"How literally Machiavellian of you."

Levi shrugged carelessly and went back to ignoring her. Irritation lending her confidence she didn't have, Mikasa eye-balled the distance one more time and, turning her back on Levi with a 'hmph,' she stepped up onto the window seat and stretched her hand out toward the angel. All she had to do was stretch a tiny…....bit…....   
..more. Almost...there… 

If the cushion hadn't shifted, or her ankle hadn't wiggled, or she hadn't over balanced just the tiniest little bit, then she would have brushed the Angel just enough to set her properly on her perch. As it was, she lost her balance completely and knocked the angel clear off the tree, also sending her own body falling through space. 

Mikasa shut her eyes, steeling herself against the heartbreaking crash of broken crystal and the jarring impact with the hardwood floor- both of which never came. The arm that gripped her felt solid and strong and her stomach dropped when she realized what must have happened. She looked up through her eyelashes into Levi's clear grey eyes and for one horrible, rebellious flash felt... _ safe _ .  _ This is what it means for someone to catch you when you fall. _ Mikasa tried to be angry or disgusted that his hands were on her (in an entirely platonic way, but still) but at that moment she just couldn't muster the energy to be anything but grateful and a little shocked. Her mouth recovered quicker than her mind and her eyes turned fearful.

"The angel?"

Levi eased her up and set her gingerly on her feet, not releasing his hold on her until he was sure she could stand properly, and then handed her the precious angel.

"Safe and sound."

Mikasa stood baffled for a moment looking at where they stood in relation to where the angel should have fallen. She shook her head slowly.

"How did you? It was too fast...how could you move so fast? I thought your leg…?"

Levi grinned at her, which made his eyes flash in amusement. 

"I said I was  _ determined _ to be a liability...not that I  _ was _ one."

Mikasa shook her head, expecting him to lay into her with gloating comments that never came. He just sat back down, readjusted the blanket over his knees and picked up the book again as though he had never moved.  _ Isn't he even going to tell the others? _

"Shouldn't you be rushing off to tell mom that you saved Christmas?"

She bit her lip as soon as the words were out of her mouth. She sounded ungrateful and petulant even to her own ears. 

Levi looked up again and shrugged, a simple ripple of muscle that Mikasa noticed now, since she knew what he was capable of.

"Should I?"

Mikasa swallowed hard.

"Thanks."

He shrugged again, without looking up.

"Be more careful next time. Any idiot could see there was no way for you to reach the top."

The insult put Mikasa back on solid ground and she sneered, but it had no bite to it.

"Well you would know, obviously."

Levi smirked into his book, but put it down again before she could walk away.

"Hey Mikasa, wait a second."

She turned in surprise, dead certain that this was the first time he had ever used her name.

"Listen. I never really gave you a chance. Even if you hadn't cursed me out, publicly, the first time we met, I would have hated you anyway because of your feelings for Eren. And because of his feelings for you."

Mikasa colored but realized he didn't really know the true nature of her feelings. He couldn't.  _ Could he? _

"Anyway, I felt threatened because your brother is very... _ important _ ...to me and I thought there was only room for one of us in his heart, but we are just...cutting the baby in half, aren't we?... and if Eren is unhappy nobody wins. So how about we pretend there is room for both of us in his life and just go from there?"

Mikasa felt guilt coil through her stomach like poison. Levi was calm, his tone almost dismissive, but he never broke eye contact with her. She had no words in response. Her mind was racing too fast.  _ Why would he extend this olive branch now?  _

He stuck out his hand and her eyes widened.

"Friends might be too much...so,  _ allies _ ?"

Mikasa gripped his hand feeling a wave of nausea pulse through her along with a strange sense of deja vu. It felt like an out of body experience. _ I see it now. He is actually … decent. But he will leave me with nothing. _

Mikasa nodded and moved back. She couldn't get her voice over a mumble as she fled the room.

"Ah yeah, whatever, thanks."

She paused at the door, clutching the angel in her hands and looked over her shoulder. Levi had already gone back to his book, not in the least taken aback by her rudeness. She looked down at the angel in her palm and experienced a wild moment of panic when she saw glittering tears on its cheeks. Her heart didn't stop racing until reality checked in.  _ Not her tears...they are not hers. They're mine.  _

° ☆ °

_ Christmas Eve 5:08pm _

Eren adjusted the cuffs and collar of his navy blue shirt so that they peaked crisply out from underneath his khaki colored sweater. His hair was gelled to perfection and the six hairs he had managed to grow on his face over the last few days were freshly shaven. He twisted in front of the mirror to check himself out from behind and gave a satisfied wiggle. Levi would love his ass in these slacks. He couldn't believe they had managed to have sex  _ twice _ today, but it still wasn't enough. 

_ I wonder if I will ever stop wanting him… _

Eren shrugged at his reflection. At this point, that didn't seem possible. As a finishing touch, he slipped the key that Levi had given him around his neck. He tucked it under his shirt where it immediately warmed to the temperature of his skin. He didn't want to wear it out, it didn't really match his outfit, but he was pleased that he could see the leather strap peeking out from under his collar. It felt right to have something Levi had given him- a small token of their commitment to each other-nestled next to his heart. 

The doorbell rang and Eren took the steps two at a time. Finding the entrance hall empty he headed to answer the door, just as his mom appeared from the kitchen in her Sunday best, her yellow eyelet lace apron tied around her waist. 

"I'll get it, Eren."

"Seriously mom, why all the secrecy?"

Carla smiled at him brightly.

"Why don't you go get Levi, darling. It's time for the big reveal."

Eren frowned and turned to head down to the basement, to find Levi already standing quietly behind him, having just stepped through the door. Eren took a breath and took a moment to fully appreciate his boyfriend dressed for a dinner party. Levi's slate grey suit and black button down shirt fit him like a second skin, somehow managing to cling to his muscles and hint at the shredded body beneath, rather than look poorly tailored and ill fitting. He was always perfectly groomed, but tonight he looked especially sharp and handsome. Eren felt an errant butterfly fly from his stomach to his throat when he noticed the silver infinity symbol catch the light and gleam from Levi's wrist. 

The door opened behind him, but Eren ignored it, entranced by Levi's face. Levi however, did take notice. Eren opened his mouth to speak when a stricken look seemed to leach all the color out of his boyfriend's face, leaving his cream colored skin just a slightly lighter shade of grey than his suit. If Eren had not been staring at his face, he would have missed the initial shock before it was replaced by a closed look of cold indifference. Everything about Levi, from the look on his face to his body posture screamed "defense."

Eren tried to speed up his brain to get a handle on the situation.  _ Who could…? _

"Levi? What is it? Are you okay?"

Eren turned, belatedly registering that his mother was busy welcoming someone at the door. 

A tall, broad shouldered man with brown hair, slicked back from his face was in the middle of handing Carla his overcoat. Eren frowned, trying to recognize the newcomer, but he had never seen him before. His face was gaunt, with deep set eyes and hollowed cheeks, but his beard and sideburns were tidy and he was well dressed. He smiled genially at Eren's father who had just entered the hall from the living room, but Eren didn't like the look in his eyes. 

Two women entered the house behind him, clearly mother and daughter. The elder was slightly shorter and unremarkable except for her elegantly styled, golden blonde hair. The daughter was taller and had the same bright hair as her mother. She was young, but seemed too old to be in college and wore her hair down around her shoulders. Eren would place her at maybe twenty four or twenty five years old. 

Eren twisted back to look at Levi, who hadn't moved an inch, his entire body radiating tension. He barely looked like he was breathing. Eren shuddered as the three people approached him on their way to the dining room. He had the urge to both stand  _ behind _ Levi and stand  _ between _ him and the newcomers. The conflicting impulses just froze him in place. The man's voice was gruff, as though he had smoked a pack of cigarettes a day for thirty years.

"And you must be, Eren. Pleasure to meet you! Son."

For a minute, Eren thought  _ he _ had been called 'son'. Reality smacked him in the face a moment too late when he realized the man had been looking directly at Levi when he said it.

Levi's voice was so low Eren barely heard it. It sent a thrill of fear down his spine to hear the emotionlessness of his boyfriend's tone, instantly grateful Levi had never spoken to  _ him _ like that.

"What are you doing here?"

The tall man threw back his head and laughed. It was a nasty sort of sound that had Eren's insides twisting. 

"I was invited of course! By your lovely  _ benefactors _ . Kenny Ackerman, at your service."

Kenny stuck his hand out to Eren who shook it hesitantly. He almost thought he saw Levi flinch out of the corner of his eye when their hands touched. 

"Now! Is that any way to greet your  _ family _ ! Mother has been looking forward to this all week. Something smells delicious!"

Kenny turned to walk into the kitchen with Grisha. The two women paused in the hall, looking uncomfortable. Levi stepped forward woodenly and made the introduction. 

"Eren, this is Carol Ackerman and her daughter Elaine."

Carol stepped forward urbanely,

"AnneMarie and Jennifer send their regards, Levi. Pleased to meet you, Eren."

From what little Levi had mentioned about his adopted family, Eren knew he had three older sisters, two of whom were married and no longer living at home.  _ Elaine must be the one who remained. _

Levi didn't acknowledge their pleasantries. Carol bobbed her head and smiled, leaning forward to peck Levi on the cheek. Elaine tried not to make a face at Levi's almost rudeness, as both hurried through to the dining room. Eren tried to have a word with Levi before he followed them, but he had already turned and walked away. 


	12. Tick-Tock

The grandfather clock in the corner of the dining room had always fascinated Eren as a child. It was tall and old fashioned with dark gleaming wood and intricate carvings. The front was a mullioned glass panel that showed the shining pendulum, but the face was the part he loved the most. Stylized script numbers circled the periphery while the inner gears of the clock's mechanism were visible within, always clicking, whirring, and jittering- their tiny teeth and gears counting out the inexorable passage of time. It was an unlikely relic that had made it out of Germany between world wars, smuggled lovingly by some great-great grand Yeager when the family emigrated; the only remains of when 'Jaeger' was the foremost name in German Horology. 

The ticks and swishes of the swinging pendulum had been the metronome of Eren's childhood. He had always found the sound comforting, if not completely neutral. That was not the case for everyone. Armin for example, could never stand it for long. He hated doing homework in the dining room after school and would insist they lay their papers out on the Livingroom floor, even though it was much less comfortable.

Eren found it odd that he was listening to the sound now. Focusing on it, even though it was the quietest sound in the room. Quieter even than Levi's heartbeats and the frantic swish of the blood through his body as a vein twitched in his temple. Or maybe that was just Eren's imagination.

_ Swish-tick. Swish-tock. Swish-tick. Swish-tock. _

The conversation flowed around the table, around Levi, who sat still and motionless except for occasionally picking at his food. He gave Eren the impression of a great stone jutting out of the middle of a river. The water had little effect on the stone, but beneath the surface, just close enough to be glimpsed by a focused observer, signs of wear were spreading slowly like spidery cracks in a thawing pond. 

Eren wanted to reach out to him, to offer him comfort and support with his body, as was their way, but he daren't. Levi looked brittle; as if one touch would shatter his carefully composed facade into a million pieces; and if everything he had confided to Eren about his foster father was true, this man was the last person he needed to break in front of. 

Kenny Ackerman's braying laugh cut through his distraction and he looked up. Grisha Yeager sat at the head of the table in his usual seat, but everyone else had been shuffled around for the dinner party. Levi sat on Grisha's right across from his 'father'. Eren sat in between him and Mikasa, across from Carol and Elaine respectively. His mom sat at the foot of the table. The grandfather clock stood in the corner farthest from his father. His gaze was drawn back to it when Kenny addressed him.

"What about you, young man? With such a cheerful disposition. Not like this (he gestured at Levi)  _ shifty _ one over here. Will you follow this fine upstanding gentleman into the medical profession?"

Eren would have rather spit in his face than answer, but he would never embarrass his mother in that way. Instead he smiled, hoping the  _ fuck you _ was transmitting loudly and clearly.

"Actually, I haven't decided on my major, yet, Mr. Ackerman. However I have been considering Nursing recently."

Eren saw his mother glance up out of the corner of his eye. He had meant to mention it to her earlier but hadn't gotten the chance.

"I wasn't really interested in it before but...when Levi was in the hospital, recovering from facing the Titan Shooter, I realized that it might be my calling."

Everything he said had been true, but crafting his response to sing Levi's praises was a small act of rebellion. It had not escaped Eren or Carla that Levi's family had not called or sought to inquire about him during the entire incident. His mother had shrugged it off politely. Eren hadn't mentioned it. Levi's situation had been so critical he didn't want to say anything that would have upset him. 

Kenny's expression darkened and he took a sip of wine, wrinkling his nose. 

"Yes, that incident. These kids and their attention seeking behavior."

Eren couldn't tell if Kenny was referring to Levi or the shooter. Either way, his cold response caused Eren's anger to flare.

"People could have died-"

Carla cut in smoothly before he could finish his thought.

"Quite right, Darling. Levi's quick actions saved many lives that day. He's a hero."

The last bit was directed at Carol who nodded her head jerkily and flashed Carla a vacant sort of smile.

"Er, as you say."

Kenny picked up the earlier thread of the conversation as though the shooting had never been mentioned.

"Nursing, eh? I suppose that's a respectable profession. Better a healer than a fighter."

Eren watched the muscle tick in Levi's jaw again, genuinely concerned at this point that he might need serious dental care by the end of the evening.

"I mean really, who chooses to go into the Army these days? Delinquents that's who! Ready to grow into mindless puppets and dedicate themselves to committing government sanctioned atrocities."

A few people in the room flinched when Levi spoke for the first time since they had sat down at the table. His voice was low and cold. 

"Serving my country runs in my blood. You wouldn't know anything about that."

Eren tried not to gasp. Clearly Levi took the insult as one aimed at his biological father rather than himself. Kenny narrowed his eyes.

"I know more than you think,  _ son _ ."

Eren didn't miss Carol laying a hand on her husband's arm and uttering a low comment in order to distract him, which he ignored. She might have said more but Levi cut her off.

" _ Don't _ call me your son. I am no relation to you at all. Why did you even come here tonight? We have nothing to say to each other."

Kenny's face contorted with rage. He shook his wife's hand off rudely and smacked his napkin down on the table. 

"No relation? That's what you say? After I raised you as my own. Ungrateful! Just like your father."

Levi's eyes widened but he recovered quickly.

"Shut your mouth, old man, you don't know anything about my father-"

"Don't I?"

Carol was starting to look frantic. Eren almost felt sorry for the woman, who looked like practically all the blood had been drained from her face.

"Kenny, now is not the time. Please don't-"

"To  _ hell _ with it, Carol. This little bastard thinks he can speak to me however he wants? Looking at me with my sister's eyes and the face of the human trash who killed her!"

Levi reared back as though someone had slapped him. Elaine reacted similarly across the table. Her head whipped around to stare at her father in shock. It felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room. The Yeagers around the table showed different expressions of shock, embarrassment, and interest.

_ Swish-tick. Swish-tock. Swish-tick. Swish-tock. _

It was Levi who broke the terrible silence.

"No. Impossible. You couldn't be…"

Kenny took a sip of his wine as though nothing had happened, as though what he had said calmed him somewhat. He leaned back in his chair nonchalantly as though he hadn't just dropped a bomb in the middle of the dining room. He sneered nastily. Elaine spoke up from the end of the table, her voice trembling.

"Father? What is this?"

Kenny raised an eyebrow and directed his explanation at his daughter. Yet another insult to Levi.

"My younger sister, your Aunt Kuchel, ran away with a two-bit GI. You never met her because our family disowned her for that. Maybe if she had lived long enough you would have met her after Grandfather passed away. We knew with all her health problems he wouldn't be able to take care of her, but she wouldn't listen. In the end, it cost her her life."

Levi twitched sharply drawing Eren's attention. The muscles in his arm jumped and his hands curled into fists. 

"Of course, I stayed in touch with her, against my father's wishes. I couldn't leave her alone with that  _ derelict _ . But it was too late. She wouldn't accept money for better medical care than her husband could provide. She wouldn't accept it for herself, but she did beg for charity for her brat. I kept that promise. You have no right to say I didn't."

Eren didn't know how Levi kept his voice from shaking. 

"You were in touch with her all the time. After she died you knew the situation we were in. You promised her you would look after me? You knew my father was an addict and you did nothing? Do you have any idea-"

Kenny and Levi were both on their feet now, staring each other down across the table. Levi vibrated with suppressed rage but it was Kenny who lost his temper.

"A man has to take responsibility for his own family!"

"I was in foster care for months!"

"The timing was inconvenient. Arrangements had to be made."

"Arrangements you had six years to ma-"

Levi paused, interrupting himself and the room went silent again. His face was already grey and sick looking yet he somehow managed to go even paler. He sank down into his chair.

"You knew. You knew my father..."

Eren didn't fully understand the significance of the statement but it seemed to have a serious effect on Carol, who showed a human expression on her face for the first time that evening. Kenny reclaimed his chair. Carol looked around herself uneasily, seeming truly apologetic for the scene. She was about to say something when Levi spoke again. He was staring at the table in front of him. His voice sounded like it was a million miles away.

"You knew I had been taking care of him. You knew he would never survive alone. You could have put him into rehab! You didn't even let me go to the funeral. Why?"

Levi looked up then. The hatred and rage were gone from his eyes now. Eren wanted to scream when he saw how empty he looked. Levi's face was a mask of sorrow.

Kenny had the grace to shift and look uncomfortable.

"We figured a clean break would give you a fresh start. If you met his family, if they connected us with Kuchel, we never would have gotten you on the right path."

"You...you went to the funeral."

Not a question. A statement. Devoid of all emotions. 

"You made me believe I was alone."

Carol leaned forward, finally speaking.

"That was not our intention, Levi! You had  _ us _ .  _ We _ wanted you. We still do. Our actions might not seem like they made sense, but at the time-"

"You still do? What a funny way of showing it."

Levi stood again, slowly this time, placing his napkin on the table deliberately. He started stepping away from the table when Kenny leaned forward again,

"Now listen you little-"

But Eren had had enough. His family had been stock still, watching the drama unfold in true Southern fashion, but enough was enough. He jumped to his feet and put a hand on Levi's arm to stop him from leaving. 

"No, you listen! You have no right to say that to him now, after what you did!"

Carol gasped and Grisha turned to Eren,

"Now, Eren-"

Eren interrupted before he could say anything else.

"I'm sorry dad, but you don't know what they did! They kicked him out. When he came out to them, they put him out on the street." 

Eren heard his mother gasp but he didn't turn to look at her, he stared Kenny down, unblinking. The old man sneered nastily at him.

"Is that what he told you? A bastard  _ and _ a liar. Ungrateful to the last. I supported him until he was eighteen, just as I promised my fool of a sister I would."

Eren and Levi made eye contact for the briefest moment and the desolation he saw in the depths of his boyfriend's eyes sent a shudder of fear up his spine. Levi had no words left. Eren chose to be his voice.

"What are you talking about?"

Kenny was focused on Levi now. He was answering Eren but stared straight at his nephew.

"You think I didn't know you ran to that crazy friend of yours? You think those people would have taken in someone's baggage without compensation? Wake up, boy!"

_ Swish-tick. Swish-tock. Swish-tick. Swish-tock.  _

Levi took a breath. Eren couldn't even guess at the amount of effort it took to put a human look on his face but he managed it. Anyone who looked at Levi could tell he was physically strong. Those who knew him, knew he was mentally strong as well. The strength and composure he had shown tonight went farther beyond anything Eren had imagined anyone capable of. Levi turned to Eren's mother and managed a vacant smile. 

"Dinner was lovely, Carla, thank you. Dr. Yeager, Mikasa. Thank you for welcoming me into your home. I'm sorry if I have caused you trouble. My leg seems to be hurting me. Please excuse me."

Carla had opened her mouth to respond but Levi didn't wait to be excused. He slipped out of Eren's grasp and was gone, much more quickly than someone with an injured leg should be able to move. He started to follow but felt a hand wrap around his wrist holding him in place. He looked at the hand and then at the arm before settling on Mikasa's face. Her expression was blank but the look in her eyes was horrified.

"I think maybe, he wants to be alone for a minute?"

Kenny grunted a soft laugh. 

"Eh, doing what he does best. Running away. These kids, Eh Doc?"

Grisha Yeager looked as if he had eaten sour fruit. Nobody around the table (except Kenny who was somehow completely at ease) looked quite like they knew what to do, so Carla sprang to her feet. Her voice was calm even though tear tracks stained her cheeks.

"Eren, Mikasa, why don't you help me clear the table and set out dessert." 

Eren stood frozen for a long moment, torn between chasing after Levi and giving him space. He felt confused and exhausted. How had everything gone so crazy? Levi's relaxed, blissfully sex-filled, best-birthday-ever seemed like it was a thousand years ago, instead of just mere hours. In the end, he didn't really choose the stay; he just didn't go. If he was feeling confused, Levi must be a mess.  _ I'll give him a few minutes and go check on him.  _

Eren looked up at his mom and nodded. 

The tension seemed to leak out of the room as they went to work clearing and resetting table. Eren walked around the table on his way to the kitchen and caught his reflection in the mullioned glass of the grandfather clock. The gears clicked and whirred. The weights clanked and the pendulum swayed. Time marched on. Forward. Always forward. Once a moment was gone, it was gone forever, no matter how you may have wished things could have been different. The problem is, you never know which moment was the moment you should have done something different, until it has already passed. 

_ Swish-tick. Swish-tock. Swish-tick. Swish tock. _


	13. Nothing Left

Eren dithered in the kitchen as his family and their guests continued to make polite but strained conversation over dessert. He exhaled so hard he nearly deflated when he heard the click of the basement door. But the sight he saw when he rounded the corner into the entry hall did not let him breathe easier. Levi, dressed in comfortable clothing, was setting his packed duffle bag down by the door and reaching for his coat. It took Eren longer than it should have to realize what was going on.  _ He's leaving? He was only downstairs for fifteen minutes...how could he pack everything so quickly…? _

He approached slowly, trying to keep his voice down. He was sure Levi was sick of attracting attention at this point. 

"You're leaving? Now?"

Levi turned to him silently and nodded. Any emotion that had been on his face earlier that evening had been completely erased. Levi was on lockdown now. Eren could feel it. 

"I don't want to disrupt your family get-together any further. Your mother has been very kind, Eren."

Eren tried to swallow past the lump in his throat.  _ It's just for tonight. He needs to cool off. Just tonight… _

"I'm so sorry Levi, my mom would  _ never _ have done this if she knew…"

Eren trailed off when he saw something spark in Levi's eyes.  _ He couldn't think I had anything to do with this…Is he leaving to punish me? _ Tears started to gather in the corners of his eyes.

"Levi, I had nothing to do with this, I swear-"

Levi traced his cheek with his fingertips and looked quickly away. He settled his jacket around himself and zipped it up.

"I know, Eren. And I know Carla would have never done it on purpose. But, I can't stay here."

Eren started to open his mouth. To speak, to beg, anything to get Levi to stay, but the older man cut him off.

"If you care about me at all, Eren, don't ask me to stay. It takes everything I have to say no to you, and I have nothing left."

Eren shoved his tongue into the the roof of his mouth and forced his tears back. Levi hoisted his bag onto his shoulder and moved toward the door. 

"Wait! Wait. I...I understand you can't be here right now. This isn't a safe space for you anymore, I get that. I'll come with you! If you don't want to wait for me here go to Zoe's and I'll call you after things settle down. I just need to throw some things in a bag…"

Levi sighed and reached out to him, gripping his hands tightly. The infinity bracelet had slipped down and flashed at him in the light. 

"Stay with your family, Eren. This is where you belong. Plus, I need some time to sort...all of this...out. I'll call you."

Eren tried to breath but it got caught in his throat. He knew it was no use arguing. Which left only one more thing to say.

"I love you."

Levi's lip twitched ever so slightly. 

"I love you too, brat."

Levi tugged him close for a kiss that was so light and brief that it was over before Eren even realized it had begun. The ghost of Levi's fingers on his hands and Levi's lips on his mouth seeped into his skin. One moment he was there and the next he was gone.

Eren stood in the open doorway of his family home, watching Levi as he walked carefully down the front walk to where his car was parked in front of the house. He felt empty, as though the vice grip Levi had on his heart and soul only tightened as he slipped farther away, ripping Eren in half. He knew Levi wasn't leaving  _ him,  _ but the aching loneliness he felt brought up every niggling fear and insecurity he had ever had about their relationship.

_ What if Levi still hasn't forgiven me for leaving him? What if he comes to blame me for this since I insisted he stay here? What if he goes to someone else for comfort...? _

That last thought caused a spasm of pain to streak through Eren's body, but it also cleared his head.

_ No. No way he would do that. This is not about you, Eren. Levi just needs some space. Everything is fine. _

It had started snowing in the afternoon and true to the forecast, this time it was sticking.  _ A white Christmas _ …

A hysterical little chuckle died in Eren's throat. He, Carla, and Mikasa had all been so excited that it might snow. Levi  _ hated  _ snow and had playfully (but seriously) argued with them back and forth, " _ It's wet, messy, and dangerous. Do you know how many people die in car accidents because of the snow?" _

Eren's head snapped up and he rushed out onto the porch to call for Levi, to get him to come back. Driving in this weather  _ was  _ dangerous and Levi was already extremely distracted. He searched the dark street, but Levi was already speeding away.

The snow swished through the air and gleamed in a crystal blanket of beauty that spread across the quiet night.

Eren saw only emptiness and desolation.

He  _ hated _ the snow.

° ☆ °

You never know when you are going to get the call you dread. Eren had been so frantic on the other end of the phone, it had taken several harrowing minutes to just figure out that Levi was on his way over and not laying dead in a ditch somewhere, having decided his 21st birthday would be his last. 

Zoe had planned to stand outside waiting for him, but that plan was quickly aborted as soon as she felt the cold sleep into her bones. As it was, she was alert enough to swing the door open as soon as she saw Levi stride up the short walkway to the house. The scientific side of her mind, that she could never quite turn off, assessed the normalcy of Levi's gait with satisfaction. Her mind eased even as her gut clenched when she took in the expression on his face.

She threw the door wide and stood in the center, casting a shadow across where Levi paused on the sidewalk. She tried to pretend that she couldn't see the look on his face. Fear skittered up her spine. Eren had been barely coherent, but she had a pretty good idea of what she was in for. 

They stood staring at each other for a moment and Levi squared his shoulders. Not a visit then...a showdown. She tried to preempt him. 

"Here's the birthday boy! You're just in time for trivia! Benji will be thrilled to see you, he's been dying to show his GeGe* his Kung Fu-"

"Hanji!"

Zoe tried not to stand at attention, but some things were too deeply ingrained to ignore. Levi was her friend, but he would always be Heichou. Her mouth snapped shut and her pulse doubled. The night was quiet, the snowfall creating an insulated atmosphere around them. Levi didn't have to raise his voice. 

"Did you know?"

For the space of exactly three heartbeats, Zoe considered lying, and decided against it immediately.  _ He always knows. _

"Please let me explain…"

Levi hadn't moved, but something in his demeanor seemed to deflate. It broke her heart, but she owed him the truth. She stepped out the door and shut it behind her to give them a tiny bit of privacy, glad she had pulled on her jacket as snow settled on her shoulders.

"Dad lost his job,  _ literally _ days after you moved in and mom was still recovering from her wrist surgery, remember? They wanted to help but...but we were already struggling...Kenny came to see them one night when you were out working. He puts a wad of cash on the table and they work out the details."

The snow made soft tinkling sounds as it settled around them. They seemed to taunt her with their delicate laughter. She had put off telling him for so long. Now she would lose him.

"You didn't tell me."

Zoe felt a lump form in her throat. She wondered idly how long it would take the tears in her eyes to freeze. Her voice was soft and pleading.

"I couldn't, Levi. I...I knew you would leave and...we needed his money. We came just shy of losing the house…"

Shame choked her and she studied Levi's shoes like the coward she was.

"I'm so so sor-"

"Don't."

Her eyes snapped to his face. Levi had shifted and was pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. It almost seemed like he was talking to himself.

"I had my reasons for wanting to get away. You don't know what living there was like...no, you  _ do-" _

"I know!"

"You could have told me the truth."

"It wasn't just for my own sake, Levi, please. Benji was so young, we didn't have a  _ choice _ -"

"There is  _ always _ a choice."

Levi's voice sizzled in the air between them. Zoe had no response for that.

"You were loyal, once."

His words stung her like a slap. He was right. She had chosen her family over him and no matter how noble her purpose may have been, she had betrayed her friend when he needed her the most. 

"Yes."

Levi nodded slowly and started to turn away, but stopped himself.

"The rent. All the money I worked  _ three _ jobs to pay your parents for letting me stay here…was Kenny's money not enough?"

"No! I mean yes! It was. B-but if they told you to stop paying they knew you would be suspicious. They knew it was important to keep your dignity. They kept it. Actually, they put it in a bank account for you. They always meant to return it to you. I asked them to wait until I could tell...you...I can give you the account number."

He nodded and turned to go once more. Zoe panicked.

"Levi, wait, please, I...I know you're upset right now, but just come inside. Benji has been talking about you non-stop, he'll be over the moon if you-"

"Upset? Tch. You think I'm  _ just _ upset? My friend, my closest,  _ truest _ friend betrayed me and I find out today  _ of all days _ that the last five years of our friendship has been a  _ lie _ . You think the word 'upset' is the one I would use to describe my feelings?" 

Zoe opened her mouth but words wouldn't come. Her heart was breaking into a thousand tiny pieces and she deserved every fracture. Something in the way Levi was standing brought back a cascade of memories for her and suddenly the air around them was thick with the past. The distant past, when she had fought with absolute unquestioning loyalty to one man. When a broken world had left nothing to believe in, she had believed in him.

His strength had given her the strength to face the world without fear. Tears streamed down her cheeks and streaked the inside of her glasses. She knew he wouldn't stay. He had never had any intention of staying. Still, it was worth a shot...

"He's worried about you. Worried sick of you driving tonight. He sounded so broken on the phone, Levi. I know you can't forgive me right now, but please,  _ for Eren _ Just stay tonight. You can meet him in the morning and-"

"You won't be needing my number."

Levi gave her his back and walked to his car. Before he got in, he paused again. 

"Did you know that he's my Uncle?"

Confusion raced through Zoe's mind momentarily holding the heartbreak at bay.

"What? Who? Your what?"

Levi searched her expression and seemed to believe her reaction to be genuine. That at least was a mark in her favor (even though she had no idea what that question was about)...not that it would make any difference now. He would probably never speak to her again.

"So, that's it? Just like that?"

"I guess so."

Levi's voice broke just the tiniest bit but Zoe had no chance to capitalize on the tiny shred of humanity that could have saved their friendship. The car door closed with a soft thud, and for the second time that night, Levi drove off into the night.

"Levi…"

Zoe stumbled out onto the front walk, uncaring that the snow would soon soak through her clothes. She fell to her knees on the pavement and wept. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay my Lovelies, let's take a breath. With this, we have come to the end of Part 1, but never fear, we have a long way to go.  
> First, I want to say sorry to my darling Levi, I know I keep hurting you over and over again, but nobody can escape their fate for long. Poor Mikasa, I wonder how she is feeling right now...I wonder what Eren will do if (when?) He finds out this is all her fault. Writing these few chapters has been very emotional for me...finding things out about your past that question what you know about yourself is never easy...  
> *Gege is Chinese for 'big brother.' In case it wasn't obvious, Benji is Zoe's little brother, he is much younger and grew up looking up to Levi with your typical hero worship (who wouldn't??). Hanji has meaning in both Chinese and Japanese, so I am not super committed to this choice.  
> Second, I want to say a humble Thank You to you, my beautiful readers, old and new who are on this journey with me. I love you all and I love this Fandom and these characters. You fuel me.  
> I appreciate every ☆ and 💬.  
> ♡DiLo


	14. Fallout

Base pumped through the floor and lights flashed red and purple, reflected by the mirrors that covered the walls, ceilings and even a good portion of the floors. It was the kind of atmosphere that Levi usually shunned- hot, close, loud, and _dirty_. But tonight, he soaked it in, letting his mind go blank. Since it was still early, _Twizzlers_ was pretty empty, so the unfortunate newbies set to perform made a game out of catching his eye. Even knowing full well he was more likely to be distracted by one of the men who came to watch the girls wrap themselves around the poles scattered about the main space. A slight blonde with unnaturally perky breasts (likely due to some creative uses of lift tape), a g-string, and silver fishnets sidled up to him, blinking her artificially purple eyes at him. Levi glanced down at her, his stoic expression unchanged.

"Hey, big guy."

Levi sighed.

"What's up Amira?"

Amira's unconvincing "come hither" expression flickered and she gave Levi a genuine smile that exposed her dimples and seemed to crinkle her makeup. For the life of him, Levi couldn't understand how any straight man could be attracted to a woman wearing that much product on her face. Eren of course was different, the few times Levi had seen him wear makeup it had been subtle and used to enhance his natural beauty…but he wasn't thinking about Eren tonight…. He didn't exactly consider himself an expert on female beauty, but in his experience, the girls who worked at the club usually looked better before and after their shifts than during. 

"Haha, nothing much L, but you're zoning out over here and Marie just told me there is something going on in the front. Ayende might need backup."

Levi gave the girl a pat on the shoulder and nodded, disengaging from her and wending his way across the club. This week had been quieter than most since it was still school holidays, but it was Friday and that meant rowdy locals with paychecks. Levi flexed his biceps under his black SECURITY t-shirt. He wasn't usually one to seek out violence, but he was in the mood tonight. 

He stepped outside and his lip curled in satisfaction; it seemed the universe was willing to deliver tonight. A bunch of badass looking bikers had decided to start up with some truckers who were parked at the rest stop across the interstate. Ayende wouldn't usually have intervened, but the fight had spilled over into the _Twizzlers_ parking lot. Customers who were too scared to get out of their cars meant less money in Marie's pocket.

_Can't have that now, can we?_

Ayende stood on the edge of the fray, trying to break his way between the burly, brawling bodies. Levi smiled again, a bearing of teeth this time. Ayende was not a small guy. He had about two inches on Levi and was broad across the chest with solid muscles. Levi might even at one point have found him attractive, with his smooth midnight colored skin and deep Congolese accented voice, but Ayende was straighter than an arrow.

Both had been working Security at _Twizzlers_ since Levi's freshman year. Ayende was two years older but had stayed on after graduation, working to make some extra money before applying to medical school. The fact that this fight was making Ayende work meant Levi wouldn't have to pull his punches. 

Unfortunately, it lasted barely long enough to give him any satisfaction at all. Both parties were tough, but neither had expected a military trained security guard with energy to burn. The parking lot had cleared in less than ten minutes and Levi stood eyeing his bloody knuckles, decorated with the remnants of someone's broken nose, with mild disgust. 

Ayende sat on the curb huffing, feeling for where the blood was trickling down from over his left ear, though looking none the worse for wear. 

"Which of those traitors sent you to my rescue, Captain America, eh? I had it handled my own self."

Levi snorted with amusement. 

"Sure you did, T'challa."

Levi didn't much care for Superhero movies but it had become a tradition for the two of them to see all the Avengers movies as they were released (the older man was a huge fanboy). If Ayende could tease him with a movie reference, he could tease right back. 

"And you have Amira to thank for saving your ass tonight."

"Ahh! She is the blonde one? The redhead?"

Levi shrugged.

"Who knows what color her hair _actually_ is."

 _Twizzlers_ was in Paradis County, but actually one town over from the university, since certain zoning laws prohibited this kind of establishment within a certain number of miles from the school. A fact that didn't mean much to the many students who frequented the club or made a decent part time buck working there- Levi included. Most of the girls needed the money but still had to protect themselves from unwanted attention on campus. It was why they caked on so much makeup and even wore wigs and those ridiculous contact lenses. Most used different names for work as well. Levi didn't really care too much about the girls other than that they were safe, but the few he considered his friends had told him their real names, which is why he knew Amira was actually Ymir. Not that he would call her that at work.

Ayende grinned back at him. 

"I only have eyes for my beautiful Kiara, anyway. But I am waiting for the day you see the error of your ways and embrace the beauty of the female body, my friend. Many of our lovely coworkers would be glad to assist you."

Levi rolled his eyes. Ayende wasn't really homophobic, he just liked to bust balls. 

"So it's Kiara now?"

Ayende had the bad habit of getting involved with the dancers, but he was such a sweet guy he never seemed to get a bad rap among them. 

"Ahh, she is the _one_ , I'm sure of it, brother."

Levi grunted in amusement and leaned back against the building, in his usual spot by the entrance, pulling out a pack of disposable wet wipes so he could clean his hands. Now that it was winter the exterior was graced by a couple of heat lamps so they wouldn't freeze to death. A necessary provision, given the fact that Marie didn't like them to wear jackets over their "uniforms." Ayende hoisted himself off the sidewalk and settled in next to Levi on a stool that was set to the side of the door.

"So...what about you, Levi? When will you find your _princess_?"

_Well there goes not thinking about Eren…_

He grunted non-committally, but Ayende's face lit up.

"That is why you are in this mood! Stalking around here like death. Tell me of your heartbreak."

Levi cast him a warning look, but pulled his phone out of his pocket, opening Instagram. 

"I'm not heartbroken. Not because of a relationship, anyway. But actually I _do_ have a boyfriend right now."

Ayende peered over his shoulder as he clicked on Eren's profile and started scrolling through his pictures, pausing slightly at the ones he liked best. A selfie of Eren wearing a Santa hat in front of the Christmas tree in his house. One of the two of them, Eren's bright eyes shining up at the camera, Levi's face buried in his neck, holding him from behind. Eren and his pledge brothers from Initiation, looking handsome and crisp. His favorite of all, Halloween night; Eren dressed like a Japanese schoolgirl, all dolled up, his eyes softly daring the viewer to uncover all his secrets. 

Ayende clapped him on the back.

"This one is a looker! No wonder you are head over heels missing him, yes?"

Levi rolled his eyes and put his phone down, but he couldn't deny it. The camera loved Eren. He was so beautiful it made Levi's chest ache.

"Something like that."

"That is all I am going to get?"

"His name is Eren and he's a freshman-" _And the love of my existence. And loving him rips me to pieces. And now I need another drink._ "-and _that's_ all you're going to get. I'm going back inside."

Ayende made a disappointed sound as Levi pushed away from the wall.

"Oh! Are we still on for tomorrow?"

Levi nodded. He originally planned to work on New Years Eve, but the club had been rented out for a private party and the clients were providing their own security, which meant he and Ayende had the night off. Levi didn't much feel like going out and Hannes (his senior suite mate who had stayed in Paradis over break) mentioned he was going to have some people over. Instant party. Inviting Ayende was a no-brainer. He and Hannes already knew and liked each other so their would be no unnecessary drama. 

"Yeah sure. Bring Kiara if you guys are still dating tomorrow."

Ayende laughed and was about to start up their conversation again but he ignored it and walked back into the club, strolling between the tables on his way back to his post by the bar. His phone was burning a hole in his pocket and he tried not to feel guilty for the reason why. Other than a one line text to let Eren know he made it back safely to 59 Marley, he hadn't so much as liked a Facebook post of Eren's in the last five days. It was the longest they had gone without speaking since they met. Even after Eren ghosted him, they had seen each other at ARO events. 

He missed Eren with a fervor that bordered on madness. He dreamt about him at night and fantasized about him during the day. But he couldn't bring himself to break the silence. 

He wasn't angry with his boyfriend, but thinking about him made him think about _that night_ , and how everyone in his life just eventually betrayed him. Discovering that Kenny was his uncle and could quite possibly have been in a position to help his father, was a shock- but the past was the past. That knowledge wouldn't bring his father back, nor would it have significantly impacted his childhood.

Zoe's betrayal on the other hand, cut him to ribbons. It also brought back the memories of when Eren left him, which never failed to send him spiraling into the dark place he had occupied back in middle school. The place that Zoe had rescued him from before he could end his own life. Any time he thought about it, it threatened to completely shut him down, so he suppressed it ruthlessly. It was safer to go to work, come home, jump into a bottle of scotch or six pack of beer and then work out until he either sobered up, passed out, or both. and most importantly, not think about anything at all. 

Levi's phone dinged and he flinched, inwardly cursing himself for how ridiculous it was to be taken by surprise by something so stupid. Eren hadn't called or texted either, except for a reply to his message. At first he had been grateful that Eren accepted his need for some space, but lately he had really started feeling the distance between them.

 _But_ _Eren is so sensitive...maybe he is angry at me now._

Levi sighed. Even though it would make it easier if Eren messaged him first, if his boyfriend was just going to yell at him or threaten to break up then there was no point in calling. 

Levi signaled to Mandy behind the bar and they sidled close, gifting him with a brimming shot glass and a wink. One of the perks of working the same job for years meant he didn't have to tell the bartender his drink order, they could tell what he needed by looking at his face.

He unlocked his phone and rolled his eyes when he saw who the message was from. He knocked back the shot in one swallow and typed out his response.

•°☆°•

5 _days ago_

Mikasa sat at the breakfast bar scraping butter across her toast disinterestedly. The house had been so quiet lately, but instead of being relaxing, it was tense. The rest of the Christmas dinner disaster was a blur. The Ackermans finished dessert and then genially excused themselves. Eren hadn't come back to the table, disappearing up to his room before they left. Mikasa assumed he was with Levi; they didn't know until the next morning that Levi had gone. Eren wasn't speaking to anyone and Carla looked so miserable it was heartbreaking.

Carla stood across from her behind the breakfast bar mechanically stirring her coffee and staring into space. Mikasa was torn. Levi was gone, but at what cost? Even clouded by hatred she recognized her own villainy. She hadn't just crashed the car. She had crashed it into an ambulance full of school children. Casualties were everywhere. 

"Mom…"

Whatever she had been about to say was interrupted by the sound of Eren stomping down from his bedroom. He breezed into the kitchen, pointedly not looking at Carla as he rummaged around in the fridge. He didn't see the way his mother's face lit up at his appearance and then fell just as quickly when he ignored her overture like she didn't exist.

"Eren…"

He turned abruptly and walked around her again, a glass of milk and untoasted pack of pop tarts in his hands. His voice sounded hoarse. Mikasa could only imagine it was because he had been crying, but he didn't show them any emotion at all.

"Morning _Mikasa_."

He was gone the way he had appeared, stomping up the stairs and slamming his bedroom door. Tears slipped down Carla's face and Mikasa felt them like they were burning her own throat. She reached across the granite and put her hand over Carla's.

"Mom-"

Carla reared back as if someone had slapped her, jerking her hand away so quickly her coffee sloshed all over the counter. Accusation burned in her eyes as she looked at her daughter. 

"Don't. Just _don't_ Mikasa."

Mikasa felt like the world was tilting sideways. She didn't even know Carla's face could make such an expression. She couldn't keep the tremor out of her voice.

" _Mom_?"

"You used me. You used me to cause other people _pain_ and I'm being punished for it. I don't know why you did what you did, but Eren is going to find out, and when he does, you'd better be prepared to lose him."

The words were not spoken with malice, just a quiet sort of certainty that filled her dread. Mikasa panicked. She knew she should apologize, explain herself, and beg for forgiveness. Make things right with her mother... _but Eren…_

"You won't tell him? _Please._ "

Carla's face fell. Her voice was barely above a whisper. 

"I won't betray you. You are still my daughter and even though I don't like you very much right now, I still love you. I just want you to know that I have never been more disappointed in you."

Carla looked away from her then, wiped up the spilled coffee, and turned her back to brew another cup. Mikasa stumbled back, leaving her breakfast untouched and walked slowly up to her bedroom, feeling hollow. She couldn't lose Eren. But she was losing Carla. Could she live with destroying the relationship between a mother and her son? Destroying someone as pure and selfless as Carla who had raised her as her own? Was she really that selfish?

Mikasa sat on her bed and a white envelope with a red ribbon flopped out of the back pocket of her jeans. 

She looked at it curiously for a moment as it lay on the carpet and then scooped it up when she remembered what it was. She must be wearing the same jeans she had worn when they exchanged Christmas presents. This one had fallen under the trash…

The envelope was blank except for her name scrawled in small elegant script on the lower right hand corner. She was about to throw it out but her curiosity got the better of her. _Or maybe I'm just a masochist._ She loosened the ribbon and opened the envelope. Two sheets of paper and a plastic ID tag slid out onto her bed. She picked up the colorful one first. It looked like a flyer for some kind of Army Survival Camp. She picked up the other and unfolded it. 

_Mikasa,_

_I usually suck at giving people gifts, but this time I think I got it right. I barely know you, but I've been associated with the Army one way or another my whole life so I know what I'm talking about in that, at least. You seem like the type to really enjoy this. Don't worry, I didn't spend a lot of money. It's a 2 week Army "training" program that they offer for free to members of military families. So if you can handle being 'Mikasa Ackerman' for a couple of weeks, you can have a really great experience._

_I already registered you, so you just need to sign up for the session you want using the number on that Key Tag._

_Merry Christmas,_

_Levi_

Remorse slammed into Mikasa with the force a freight train. The back of her throat burned but she knew no tears would come. She didn't deserve any of the people in her life. She had gone out of her way to sabotage Eren's relationship. After years of supporting him and lying to herself she turned around and betrayed him the very first time he brought home someone he truly cared about. A person who was a genuinely decent human being, who reached out to her again and again even though she treated him like shit. She couldn't even think about her relationship with her mother right now. 

Everything was wrong. It was all her fault. And she had the horrible feeling it was only going to get worse. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Lovelies! Welcome to Part II! A few notes from this chapter... We have some new characters on the scene, and will add some more in the next few chapters. Ayende, Kiara, Marie, and Mandy are OC's. Amira/Ymir is canon, of course, and she has been brought in as a love interest...let's see if anyone can guess who she will end up with...
> 
> In case you didn't catch the pronouns, Mandy is Trans. I don't know how much impact they will have on the story right now, but representation is important! Ayende and Kiara's characters (I love them) and the Strip club (Twizzlers) are both modeled from people and places I know from real life. Extra points if you can figure out where the real Twizzlers is!
> 
> I'm a little worried about Levi, his dad was an addict so he really shouldn't drink too much. He needs a distraction right now. I wonder who he was texting with?? 😈 Love you!
> 
> ☆ + 💬 + 🗣 = 😘
> 
> ♡DiLo


	15. Auld Lang Syne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my Lovelies! This chapter has a trigger warning: contains violence, bullying, and homophobic slurs. 
> 
> •°☆°•
> 
> I know it is late to say, but since this is our New Year's chapter,  
> HAPPY NEW YEAR!  
> Thank you for your  
> continued love and support.  
> It is everything.  
> ♡DiLo  
> •°☆°•

" _ Levi signaled to Mandy behind the bar and they sidled close, gifting him a brimming shot glass and a wink. He unlocked his phone and rolled his eyes. He knocked back the shot in one swallow and typed out his answer." _

•°☆°•  
  


_**Conner** _

_I can't sleep. Come over?_

_I'm at work. Do Push-ups._

_I caaaaaaaan't. I need you here._

_You have to do it without me_

_sometimes._

_Ugh. I knew u were going to say_

_that. So unfair. I'm not in the mood_

_anyway._

_Then why did you text me?_

_...I was hoping we could watch_

_Band of Brothers._

_Tempting. But not happening_

_tonight._

_What about tomorrow?_

_NYE bullshit. Some people coming_

_over._

_Is that an invitation? PLZ PLZ PLZ!_

_Whatever._

_Yay! See you tomorrow._

•°☆°•

Levi slipped his phone back into his pocket and scanned the room. A few more patrons had arrived and the energy level in general was going up, but things were still quiet from a security perspective. He relaxed against the bar, earning himself a few more pointed stares from his thirsty coworkers, and bit back a groan. Even if he were interested in women, a stripper dating a security guard was just so cliché. Ayende practically existed for his jokes at this point. Of course if it was Eren up on that pole, all tousled chocolate hair, wide innocent eyes and his thick, sexy...

"Take it easy, darling."

Levi snapped his eyes down to the large hand that rested over the one he had curled around the shotglass and let Mandy's smoky, just-a-touch-too-deep voice penetrate his lurid fantasy. They tapped his fingers until he loosened them one by one and slid them away from the shot glass.

"I think someone needs to get laid..."

Levi looked up then, scowling into Mandy's perfectly painted face.  _ At least someone in this damn place knows how to put on makeup. _

_ " _ I don't know what you're..."

He trailed off when Mandy arched a delicate eyebrow at him and held his shotglass up to the pulsating, now amber colored, light. A hairline crack ran from the rim, halfway down to the base. Levi's eyes flared wide.  _ Impossible. It must have already been broken... _

Mandy pursed their lips and gave their head a tiny shake, irritatingly reading his mind.

"If you want to talk about it-"

" _ I don't _ ."

Levi softened when he heard the edge in his own voice. Mandy didn't deserve to be spoken to that way.

"Um thanks, though."

Mandy straightened up, mollified by his gruff politeness, and sauntered to the other end of the bar, dropping the cracked glass into the trash as they swished past the bin. Levi thought about calling them back and actually chatting with them for a bit, but bartenders, this bartender in particular, had the uncanny ability to draw out people's problems, and Levi didn't want that right now. Or ever.

  
His now empty fingers itched to pull out his phone again and text Conner just to pass the time, but he decided against it. This Conner brat was nuisance enough with barely any encouragement at all. Still, he put up with it, if only to have something to think about lately other than his own fucked up life.

They had met by chance a few days ago. His insomnia back in full force, Levi had been jogging at 4am when sounds of a struggle down a nearby alley had caught his attention…

_ "P-please, Ow! Just leave me alone!" _

_ "I knew I recognized you! You're the fucking fag from the 7-eleven who wouldn't sell me cigarettes." _

_ "I-I told you, if you don't have ID I can't sell them, Ow! I could lose my job! It's nothing personal, I swear." _

_ "You're gonna lose more than that you little shit!" _

_ "Maybe this fucking pervert just wanted your ID so he could follow you home, Derrick." _

_ "Is that it, lady boy? Did you just want me to fuck you? Maybe after I fuck you up." _

_ "No, no, please!" _

_ Levi slowed in the shadows to take stock of the situation. 'Derrick' was flanked by two friends and stood threateningly over a much smaller man who was cowering against the brick wall of the alley. The three of them wore short sleeved, brightly colored polo shirts with obnoxiously popped collars, despite how cold it was. _

_ Fucking punks. _

_ Their victim was clinging to the brick face as though it would save him somehow. His body was shaking in fear and he already had blood streaming down the side of his face from a previous blow, which explained 'Derrick's' bloody knuckles. Levi got a shock when his eyes skimmed over the man. He knew it couldn't possibly be Eren, but his hair color and skin tone were similar enough to make a comparison. Of course if it had been Eren, there would have been more punching and less cowering, but that was beside the point.  _

_ The fact that the guy reminded him of Eren was just the icing on the cake. He would have helped anyway, in any situation that was so unbalanced. Levi didn't really factor in whether or not the kid was gay. It didn't matter what excuse a person used for bullying. Nobody deserved to be terrorized. Plus even if he wasn't, Levi was, and he had a special place on his fist for bigots. And if he had to be just slightly unnecessarily brutal when teaching these guys the value of being an actual fucking human being, at least they would learn something tonight. _

_ Not wishing to prolong the victim's agony, Levi strolled out into the middle of the alley and cleared his throat.  _

_ "You might want to rethink what's going on here." _

_ "The fuck?" _

_ 'Derrick' looked up when his friend cursed and took the lead like Levi knew he would, turning his attention away from the guy against the wall. _

_ "What the fuck did you say?" _

_ Levi could feel adrenaline flood his system and he smiled. He couldn't help it. His entire body felt alive with anticipation. His tone was conversational when he spoke again, dismissive. _

_ "It would be a shame for you three to affect the crime rate statistics of such a quiet neighborhood, don't you think?" _

_ The men didn't respond, looking at each other with smiles on their stupid faces. Levi gave a bored sigh and kept speaking. _

_ "If you apologize for your homophobic comments and walk away, I'll let you go." _

_ 'Derrick' exchanged another look with his friends and barked out a nasty laugh. _

_ "Who the fuck do you think you are? The homo police? Get out of here or I'll fuck you up next." _

_ Levi squeezed his right hand into a fist and deliberately clicked his neck.  _

_ "I was really hoping you'd say that." _

_ The first one to rush at him got a punch in the stomach and then a knee to the chin when he doubled over in pain. He collapsed, clutching his stomach and writhed in pain. The second, he grabbed by the face and slammed back into the concrete, after sweeping his legs out from underneath him, and lay unmoving. It all happened so quickly 'Derrick' barely had time to react. He stood frozen, watching Levi wipe the floor with his friends, his mouth hanging open in shock. When Levi turned a baleful glare his way, his shock turned to panic. He tried to back away and stumbled, lifting his hands in front of him as if to ward off what was coming, his pose not unlike the one his victim had adopted moments ago. Ironic. _

_ "W-wait-" _

_ Levi caught him by the collar of his shirt, without a hint of mercy on his face. The man sagged when he realised his begging would do no good. The hunter had become the prey. _

_ "...fuck." _

_ Levi pulled his fist back, _

_ "Sorry, you're not my type." _

_ His fist connected to the man's face with a satisfying thud and he kicked him in the ribs when he hit the pavement, just in case he thought about getting up anytime soon. _

_ Levi surveyed the scene and cracked his knuckles, turning to leave, more comfortable now with the current odds of the kid being alright.  _

_ "W-wait!" _

_ Levi turned to see the boy limping after him, his eyes wide. He put his left foot down, stumbled and fell. Levi walked back over to him. _

_ "You okay?" _

_ "Ahh, they actually chased me for a couple of blocks before we got here. I tripped and twisted my ankle." _

_ Levi knelt down next to him and inspected his injury.  _

_ "You should be fine, but I guess I can't leave you here. Where do you live?" _

_ The kid lived in the opposite direction. 59 Marley was closer so Levi decided he would fix him up back at the house. Judging it would be faster than the kid hobbling along, he lifted him effortlessly and set off carrying him.  _

_ "Thank you so much for helping me. You are really amazing for doing something like that for a stranger." _

_ Levi shrugged. _

_ "Those guys had it coming. Anyway, you reminded me of someone."  _

_ "Oh. Well thanks anyway. My name's Conner." _

_ "Levi." _

When they got back to the house, Levi gave Conner an ice pack and cleaned the blood off his face (so it wouldn't drip on anything). He had not planned on letting the kid sleep over, but once the pain subsided he fell asleep on the couch. Levi had left him there and gone to bed. When he woke up close to three in the afternoon Conner was already up and had made him toast and coffee as a thank you. 

_ The other man _ _ watched him expectantly as he drank the coffee, to the point where it was getting kind of creepy. Levi didn't know how he had thought this kid looked anything like Eren, there was no resemblance at all, really. Finally the staring pissed him off enough to say something. _

_ "What?" _

_ The young man exhaled in a rush, nearly running his words together. Okay, maybe he was a little like Eren. Maybe all brats were the same… _

_ "You really saved my ass this morning. I mean, maybe even literally. You were all like, "eat my fist motherfuckers!"... anyway it was cool and awesome...and you obviously know how to fight and I was wondering if maybe you could teach me how to defend myself." _

_ He paused, looking at Levi expectantly. _

_ "No." _

_ "Come on, please! You don't know what it's like, ok? To be the gay kid who always gets picked on." _

_ Levi took another sip of his coffee and sighed. Fucking damn it. _

_ "Yeah, I know what it's like to be the gay kid." _

_ Conner's eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his face. _

_ "What?" _

_ Levi shrugged, he was used to presenting as straight.  _

_ "I came out in high school." _

_ Conner had to work at scraping his chin off the table, but his eyes were bright. _

_ "Then come on, please? Teach me how to defend myself Levi! We can be like the gay Batman and Robin, or maybe it's just the regular Batman and Robin, because honestly..." _

_ Yup. Just like Eren. Levi stopped listening and rolled his eyes. If he decided to help him, it really wouldn't be that different than having another pledge. He thought briefly about recruiting him (assuming he went to Paradis) but could tell immediately it would be a waste of time. This kid wouldn't last five minutes in his pledge program.  _

_ "Yeah, whatever, I guess the fucking 7-eleven is a batcave. " _

_ Conner's eyes lit up and he babbled on, not noticing when Levi completely tuned him out. With Eren he had an incentive to pay attention to brat prattle but nobody else had that particular sway over him at the moment. _

They exchanged numbers and Levi texted him with some basic workouts. They met up a couple times in the early morning after Levi left work. Conner would shut down the 7-eleven and they would workout at a nearby park. The kid talked non-stop which was fine with Levi because it meant he didn't have to talk or think. When he learned that Levi was ROTC and majored in History, all their conversations became about war movies.

It turned out Conner was a Sophomore at Paradis and he was a townie, so other than his job, he was just as bored as everyone else who had stayed around for the holidays. Levi didn't mind that he basically invited himself to the party. His suite would already have too many people in it tomorrow night. One more wouldn't make a difference. 

° ☆ °

Conner Sinclair slicked his hair back and smoothed down the collar of his bright blue dress shirt, twisting slightly to check out how his butt looked in his maroon corduroy pants. He  _ knew _ he looked good.  _ But will Levi think so?  _ He smoothed his hands down his sides and considered tucking his shirt in to make his butt look bigger... _ nah too much.  _ He didn't know if he was Levi's type, but he couldn't miss this opportunity to make his move.

He checked his phone. It was still too early to pop by Levi's for the party, but if he brought Band of Brothers maybe they could curl up in his room…

Conner bit his lip to try and unsuccessfully stop the fantasies that crowded in on him of what "cuddling up" with Levi could lead to. He had been attracted to Levi when he thought he was straight, but after finding out he was gay his imagination had gone into overdrive. If only he had known that bit of information when his savior had rescued him from a dark alley and carried him home, bridal style, to tend to his wounds, he would have used it to his advantage.

Levi's strictness and tendency to be domineering when they worked out was a bit of a turnoff, but remembering how it felt to be lifted so easily and cradled against that broad, powerful chest was enough to forgive certain personality deficits.

Not that Levi had shown any sign that he was actually interested in him. On the contrary, he was usually standoffish, almost to the point of being rude and never responded to any of Conner's 'accidental' brushes against his hard body. But Levi was patient with him and tolerated his texts and rambling conversations. Plus, he had followed through on his promise to train the younger man. They hadn't gotten far, it had only been a few days, but he could feel that they were growing closer. He  _ hoped _ that they were growing closer. He took one last look at his outfit, pulled on his coat, and clattered down the stairs. 

"Going out kiddo?"

Connor's dad was flipping through the channels and didn't bother looking up when he went into the living room to grab the DVD he wanted. They hadn't done much as a family since his sister moved out two years ago, so nobody was surprised when Conner wasn't home.

"Yep."

"Your mom's making tiramisu."

"Nice try dad, save me a piece."

"Have fun, be safe."

Forty five minutes of shitty bus service later, Conner found himself in front of 59 Marley. He was about to text but decided to try the door instead, which was rarely locked. He made his way up to Levi's suite and knocked softly before walking inside, pausing as he passed Levi's room. He was surprised to see the door open. To his consternation, the couple of times he had been in the house, Levi had never invited him into his private space. That closed door usually mocked him, but today it was open.  _ Maybe it's a sign! _

As he paused there, the door to Levi's en suite bathroom opened and he walked out, dripping wet, a spotless white towel wrapped around his hips. Conner caught his breath. He had only ever seen Levi's shredded body covered by t-shirts and sweats. Levi without a shirt, little drops of water dribbling down the cuts and contours of his body, awakened a whole other level of thirst within him. He must have made a noise (probably the sound it makes when one's entire body clenches with need) because Levi twisted around to face him ( _ and oh my god those abs! _ ) He used his left arm to push his wet bangs away from his face, his bicep flexing dangerously and capturing Conner's attention. 

If he had noticed the younger man's ogling, he didn't say anything about it. Maybe when you looked like  _ that _ you were just used to the attention.  _ Used to people ripping their clothes off and laying down ass up at your feet...calm down mind! _

"Oh hey, kid. Little early."

Conner tried not to stutter as he tore his gaze away from Levi's body. 

"I brought the DVD. I thought we could watch some of it before everyone else got here?"

Levi shrugged, a ripple of muscle that had Conner swallowing the saliva that threatened to drip out of the corners of his mouth. 

"Ahh okay, sure. Pop it in and I'll be right out."

Conner got his legs moving and shuffled into the common area trying not to think about the naked man in the adjoining room. He fumbled but managed to get the DVD in the player. Levi came out a few minutes later dressed in dark jeans and a tan Henley shirt that clung to his body. He opened two beers and tossed one to Conner before settling on the couch. They watched for about forty five minutes while Conner mentally talked himself out of his nervousness. He was about to make his move when the door banged open.

"Levi, if you're home, come help me with this shit."

"Sure, Hannes."

Levi got up and helped his suite mate bring in enough food and beer for twenty people. By the time they were done arranging everything in the kitchen more people started arriving. At first it was just Hannes' friends and his girlfriend, but then Levi's friends from work showed up and any hope he had of them being closer evaporated. Luckily he knew one of the girls there who was one of the only other underclassmen present. Ymir was one of Levi's friends from work, but Conner knew her as a fellow local. She had been a year behind him all through school. Frustrated as he was at not having Levi's full attention, it was nice to feel like he wasn't a complete outsider.

It's not that he didn't have a good time...it's just not the time he  _ wanted _ to have. Still as midnight drew near, the idea that he could steal Levi's first kiss of 20XX made him giddy with anticipation. 

When, at 11:57pm, they heard a knock at the door, Conner nearly groaned in frustration when Levi got up to answer it. Conner got up too, trailing him down the hallway. Levi swung the door open slowly, revealing a young man on the landing, his body visibly shaking from being outside in the cold. He was tall and thin, and the fringe of his dark brown hair had formed into tiny ice crystals. His lips were deep red and his eyes were a nearly iridescent turquoise that couldn't possibly be real.

He and Levi stood and stared at each other wordlessly for a full minute. when the crowd in the living room started to chant the countdown, they both flinched.

10!

9!

8!

The younger man shivered and Levi shifted, opening his arms just slightly.

7!

6!

It was then that Conner realized he'd never really had a chance.

5!

4!

3!

The young man swayed for a moment and fell into Levi's arms.

2!

1!

And they kissed.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, Eren's back! Sorry if this chapter was too long and waffled a bit, I had a lot of fun seeing our boys through someone else's eyes for a minute (better luck next time, Conner, this SHIP has sailed) and peeking at Levi without Eren around...oh he missed him so...  
> It was also really fun to generate those fake texts!  
> Small side note about Hannes- Some of you might remember him negatively from His Promise where he was kind of a dick to everyone and hazed Marco. I've brought him back as a neutral character because he is Levi's other suitemate and also because despite being douchey, he and Levi are bros and don't take shit personally.  
> Hazing is bad!  
> ⭐ + 💬 + 🗣 = ❤  
> ♡DiLo


	16. We're Nothing

The kiss was short but deep, and Eren threw every ounce of himself into it. All of his longing, his worrying, his anticipation at seeing Levi again. For once, Levi was warmer than he was and he wanted to curl up and burrow against his heat, soaking it in. Their lips parted and he breathed Levi in, enjoying the mixture of soap, coffee, and beer that he tasted on his lips. Levi let him pull back but kept an arm firmly around his waist and stroked the wet hair off his forehead with the fingertips of his other hand.

"You're freezing. Did you walk here, brat?"

Eren nodded sheepishly.

"We were supposed to get in at 10:30, but the bus was late and then local buses weren't running because of the holiday. No ubers, nothing."

Levi frowned at him. 

"Why didn't you call me?"

Eren bit his lip.

"I didn't want to bother you...and I thought maybe I could surprise you…"

Eren thought heat would flood his cheeks in embarrassment, but all he felt was a numb prickling; he was too cold to even  _ blush _ . It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but having to explain it outloud and hear how stupid it sounded was too much. Plus, the walk, as cold as it was, helped Eren clear his head. Levi rolled his eyes and snorted but gave him a gentle squeeze. 

"Frozen popsicle boyfriends are all the rage this year, huh?"

Eren smiled wanly. He had been so wrapped up in his reunion with Levi, he hadn't realized they weren't alone in the hallway. Another man stepped forward and laid his hand gently on Levi's shoulder to get his attention, as though touching him was the most natural thing in the world. Eren stared in disbelief at the offending appendage and then snapped his eyes up to the guy's face when he spoke.

"Levi? Who is this?"

Eren's throat tightened,  _ And Who. The Fuck. Are You? _ but he managed a smile. He extended his hand so the guy would have to let go of Levi to shake it, a raised eyebrow silently daring him to put it back.

"I'm Eren. Levi's  _ boyfriend _ . And you are?"

Levi spared the other man a glance and made the introduction. 

"Eren, Conner. Conner, Eren. I've been helping Conner with some workout routines."

Eren narrowed his eyes at Conner who tried not to react to Eren's just-too-tight handshake, sizing him up in an instant. He was shorter that Levi, closer to Armin's height and rounder. Eren wouldn't call him chubby, exactly, but he definitely looked like he still had some baby fat. His skin had a healthy sort of glow and he had dark curly hair and light blue eyes. He didn't seem like Levi's type, (he wasn't tall enough) but you never know...

"That's so nice of you, babe." 

Eren was somewhat mollified that beyond the introduction, Levi seemed to be completely ignoring the other man's presence. Though it still bothered him that Levi hadn't shaken that hand off his shoulder. Levi's voice cut through his distraction.

"You're so cold. Why don't you go take a shower?"

Eren wasn't usually passive aggressive but the fact that their reunion was being infringed upon by some guy who clearly had designs on Levi  _ and _ that he didn't seem to have any idea at all who Eren was, brought some pettiness to the surface. He wrapped his arms around Levi's neck and pressed their bodies together. He looked at Levi through his lashes.

"Alone?" 

Maybe the frozen layers of clothing he was wearing impeded his usual potency, but Levi didn't seem to react at all, other than with annoyance. He gently took Eren's hands off his neck and maneuvered him toward his bedroom. 

"Yes, alone. It's making me cold just looking at you. Hurry up, you must be hungry and we have tons of food. Shitty Hannes told me only a 'few' people would be coming tonight and it turned into a fucking party."

Eren smiled, forcing down his disappointment. The last thing he wanted to do right now was spend time surrounded by people when all he wanted was to wrap himself around Levi under a pile of blankets. He gave in gracefully and walked into the bedroom, not wanting to make an issue out of it in front of Conrad...or whatever his name was. Levi started to walk down the hall when he turned around. 

"Where's your shit?"

"Ahh I left it downstairs."

Eren left out the part about how he dropped it because he couldn't feel his hands, but judging from Levi's meaningful look, he didn't have to spell it out. That blush would break through his cheeks yet.

"I'll bring it up."

Levi walked in the opposite direction and Eren was left standing across from...Corbin? As soon as they heard Levi's footsteps on the stairs, the two men squared off. Colten spoke first, his boyish face turning up in a gentle smile. His voice had a high, reedy quality that grated on Eren's nerves. 

"It's  _ so _ nice to meet you. Sorry for being surprised. Levi never mentioned a boyfriend and we've been spending  _ so _ much time together."

Eren had had a long fucking day after a long fucking week and was in no mood. He stepped forward, though still inside Levi's room, and raised his hand to jab a finger into Cillian's chest.

"Listen  _ bitch- _ "

They were interrupted by Levi coming down the hallway with Eren's duffel bag and backpack. He caught sight of them and frowned. 

"Eren, for  _ fuck's _ sake, I told you to get in the shower. Did you need something, Conner?"

Levi had used his PledgeMaster voice and Eren's body reacted immediately. He dropped his hand and stepped back. Conner smiled sweetly at Levi.

"Nope, nothing. I'll go back inside then."

Conner retreated back to the common room with a 'friendly' wave, leaving Eren to inwardly seethe.

Levi dropped the bags in his room and was about to leave when Eren reached out and grabbed his wrist. He had stripped off his wet jacket, and was still bulky because of his extra layers but it wasn't as bad as before. What he wanted must have been evident because Levi muttered something and pulled him close before pressing him up against the wall and kissing him again. The kiss was more urgent and Eren felt Levi's leg press between his thighs. They fit together so perfectly, it pushed every thought out of his mind.

When they finally pulled back to breathe, Eren tunneled his fingers through Levi's hair and stroked down his neck until he felt where the Wings of Freedom were tattooed on his nape. Levi shivered from the coldness of his fingers and bent his head to the side so he could curl his tongue around Eren's earlobe and then work his way slowly down the younger man's neck. Eren's breathing turned frantic, as the pressure built low in his abdomen.

Levi's hands, his mouth, his scent, the feeling of his body pressing Eren against the wall, was too overwhelming. He whimpered and babbled breathlessly, unaware it would be his undoing. 

" _ God _ , I missed you so much, babe. Can't we just forget the party? I'll take a shower and then we can just cuddle up and talk-"

Levi pulled back sharply, his brows furrowed. He knew before Levi spoke that his request was going to be denied. He tried not to wonder if it was because of Conner...

"Actually I'd rather if we didn't...talk. Okay?"

Eren bit his lip, cursing his stupid mouth for interrupting the moment. In another minute, Levi might have been turned on enough to warm him up himself. He could feel Levi pulling away from him and he let him go, determined not to irritate the other man. Instead he quickly pulled his sweatshirt and t-shirt off over his head. He felt like he was going to freeze to death, but it was worth it because Levi paused, hunger glinting in his smoky grey eyes. 

"Are you sure you don't want to help me?"

Eren chewed on the tip of his finger and slid it up across his lips. He could see Levi's eyes follow the tiny movement.

"I promise I won't say a word."

For a moment Levi looked like he might change his mind, but he took a deep breath and shook his head. 

"Stop being a brat, we've got company. But don't think I won't take you up on that later."

He turned and left, closing the door softly behind him. Eren sagged against the wall and then practically dove for the shower, turning the heat on full blast while he stripped off the rest of his clothing. He stepped under the stream to thaw his frozen body, hoping against logic that it would also calm his troubled mind. 

° ☆ °

The hot water rushed over Eren's head and down his back, relaxing his muscles from the tension of a nine hour bus ride and pulling his body back from the brink of hypothermia. He had listened to music almost all day to keep from thinking about the scene that played out at home before he left, but it all came rushing back to him now, along with the rhythmic pounding of the water against the shower tiles...

_ The first day or so after Levi left, Eren was completely inconsolable _ ,  _ but instead of raging, he just turned _ _ inward, closing himself in his room for hours at a time and not speaking to anyone. Most of the time he lay on his bed feeling sick, trying to get a handle on himself and his emotions. He felt horrible for Levi and for everything he had been through. He felt disgusted with his boyfriend's awful family, especially his uncle. He felt terrible at the part his family played in forcing such a ruinous confrontation. _   
_ Eren had known about Levi's childhood for a while now, but having it all ripped open and the ugly truth tossed around like that in front of everyone must have been brutal for Levi. _

_ He really didn't want to blame himself for bringing this on Levi, but then that meant blaming his mother...which was part of the reason he was trying to avoid everyone. Eventually his rage would find an outlet and she was the inevitable target. Which sucked, because she was the sweetest person in the universe and only ever tried to do good for everyone. He should have seen it coming. He should have questioned her more about dinner, but he was so wrapped up in Levi and making his birthday as special as he could that he just blithely ignored everything else. And now Levi was broken and gone and she was really the only person he could blame. It was her fault that the enemy had come into their camp. And he wasn't ready to forgive her.  _

_ He spent some time on the phone with Zoe who seemed just as upset as he was. When he was finally up to being around people again (though not his mom) he stayed in his room with Armin and Mikasa. Armin paced and raged, fueled by his hero worship of Levi (which was extremely validating). Mikasa sat quietly; she didn't participate, but neither did she argue with their collective fury on Levi's behalf.  _

_ The pull to get in touch with his boyfriend was extreme, but he tried to respect his wishes and just give him time to sort everything out. By the third day he started mixing with his family somewhat normally again because he discovered that in all the drama his mom had forgotten to change the sheets in the guest room and Levi had left the house in too much of a hurry to strip the bed. _

_ Eren moved downstairs. Sleeping on Levi's sheets, surrounded by his scent, was soothing and he was finally able to sleep, which considerably improved his mood. He and his mom had a brief confrontation the next day. He had expected her to defend herself but she just stood woodenly as he raged at her, apologizing until there were tears in her eyes. It made him feel like an asshole. _

_ He spent the morning looking into bus tickets to get back to Levi...back home…he knew he was taking a risk just going back there without asking Levi if he could stay, or even telling him he was coming. Classes didn't start for another week and a half and the earliest the dorms would reopen was in eight days. If Levi didn't want to shack up with him he would sleep on the couch. He didn't care anymore- he couldn't stay here. _

_ Mikasa came to his room just as he had found the cheapest ticket. She had been so quiet the past few days, he felt like he had barely seen her. _

_ "Hey Ren." _

_ "Hey." _

_ Scroll>click<scroll>click< _

_ "Why don't we go out this afternoon? That new movie you wanted to see came out last Friday." _

_ Eren swallowed hard, tasting bile.  _

_ "You really have to bring up Friday?" _

_ Mikasa sighed in frustration. _

_ "Come on, Eren, he went back to school, it's not like he's dead. You're being completely ridiculous."  _

_ Eren rounded on his sister, _

_ "Yeah well he almost did die, saving our lives in case you forgot, and I haven't quite gotten over that yet. So excuse me for being ridiculous." _

_ Mikasa jumped to her feet and started pacing, _

_ "Ugh, fuck's sake! When are you going to let that go? Move on already. Anyway, do you honestly think he has spent the last week pining over you like a sick puppy?"  _

_ By this point Eren was on his feet too. He was so on edge he felt like he was ready to snap. The one thing he didn't need any help with at the moment was someone playing to his insecurities.  _

_ "What do you mean, 'move on'? It happened, like, a month ago. And I honestly have no idea whether he's pining for me or not, but why do you have to be such a bitch about it? About him? About every fucking thing? What did he ever do to you?" _

_ Mikasa groaned in frustration.  _

_ "God, you are so whipped. It was so pointless. This isn't what I wanted."  _

_ She tried to storm out of his room but Eren blocked her path. _

_ "What did you say?"  _

_ "I said you're whipped-" _

_ "No. You said, 'this isn't what I wanted.'" _

_ Mikasa's face went pale and she shook her head. _

_ "I don't know what you're talking about, I didn-" _

_ Eren grabbed his sister's shoulders and gave her a tiny shake so she would look up at him. _

_ "What isn't what you wanted, Mikasa? What. Did. You. Do?" _

_ He could feel Mikasa start to shake under his hands. Tears started spilling down her cheeks as she confessed. _

_ "I-I-I didn't mean for it to happen this way, I swear! I had no idea things were so horrible in his family. I thought he was just being a brat not seeing them. I heard you tell the guys that Levi didn't get along with his family and thought if they got together it might smooth things over and he would go home for a little while. I just wanted-" _

_ She stopped speaking. Maybe because Eren was squeezing her arms so tightly it started to hurt. He let her go and backed up a step. His voice was a hoarse whisper. _

_ "This...you did all this? You let me blame mom and didn't say a FUCKING WORD. Wait. The only time I would have talked to the guys about Levi was…" _

_ Eren's horror was reflected in Mikasa's eyes. The day he had spoken to his friends...the day he came home early thinking they were alone in the house...Levi thought he had heard something. It all clicked into place. Mikasa had seen them. Eren's voice was barely audible. _

_ "You did all this...you hurt Levi, and me like this...because we had sex?" _

_ "What? No-" _

_ "Then why? Are you homophobic Mikasa? Does the idea of two men together disgust you that much?" _

_ "No! Just stop! That's not-" _

_ "Then why? Tell me why!" _

_ "I did it because I Iove you! Levi doesn't deserve you. He's going to hurt you. He's horrible and you don't even see it. He's taking you away from me." _

_ Desperation made her voice crack. Her face was a mask of misery but all Eren saw was her betrayal. He snorted derisively, his voice back at full volume. _

_ "Well that's rich, Mikasa, because between the two of you, the one who has hurt people is you. The one who went behind everyone's back and forced him to see his estranged family on his birthday is you. The one who has pushed us apart is you."  _

_ "Eren, I'm sorry-" _

_ "You're sorry? You should be. Get the fuck out of my room. I hope you're happy. I'm out of here tomorrow." _

_ Mikasa was crying so hard she could barely speak. She tried to reach out and touch him but he gripped her arm and dragged her to the doorway. _

_ "Please don't do this Eren. Please don't push me away. I love you! I'm in love with you, please!" _

_ Eren's eyes widened in shock and he froze. Mikasa seemed to realize what she said and she clapped her hands over her mouth as though she could take the words back. She couldn't. Eren's face twisted from shock to disgust. He couldn't help it. He had absolutely no coping mechanism for this. He jerked his hand back from Mikasa as though she had molten lava flowing across her skin, and backed away from her. _

_ "Y-you're my little sister...that's...that's just wrong on so many levels…" _

_ Mikasa looked like a ghost. _

_ "W-we're not…" _

_ Eren couldn't let her finish. He was done.  _

_ "You're right. We're nothing." _

_ He took another step back and it seemed to wake her up. She turned on her heel and fled, slamming her bedroom door so hard he heard it rattle the picture frames on the stairs.  _

_ Too much. It was too much at once. Eren could feel his hands shaking and his stomach twisting in knots. He needed to get out of here. He needed Levi. He blanked his mind and sat at his computer, blindly booking the bus ticket. The next one was tomorrow at 1pm. That wasn't nearly soon enough, but he had no other choice. He would have one more night in hell, apologize to his mom and go back to Levi. If this was some kind of sick joke it wasn't funny. If this was a nightmare, he needed it to end. _

_ Any minute now he would wake up and his life would make sense again.  _


	17. I Stay Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Levi performs an acoustic version of I Stay Away by Alice in Chains. Even if you are familiar with the song, this is the version that lives in my head rent free: https://youtu.be/emASPFb10vQ . 
> 
> As the tension rises...can you Stay Away?
> 
> ♡DiLo

Levi sat in the corner of the long sectional, trying to keep his attention on the conversation he was having with Ayende and failing miserably. Luckily, his friend didn't seem to notice, as distracted as he was by Kiara, who sat more on top of him than next to him. Levi's eyes kept straying to the hallway opposite the couch, hyper vigilant for the first glimpse of when Eren would walk through into the common room. Even with Eren's taste on his tongue, he still couldn't believe his boyfriend was  _ here _ . In his room. In the shower.  _ Naked _ . Levi sucked in a breath and took a long swig of his beer. He could  _ not _ get hard in the middle of a party. He could  _ not  _ pull Eren out of the shower soaking wet. He could  _ not _ shove him up against the bathroom door and fuck him until he screamed. 

Not  _ yet _ , anyway.

As much as Levi would have liked to do all of those things, and might have if this had been a Mixer or a regular Fraternity party, he couldn't. Hannes had invited actual guests tonight- people from his major and the campus newsletter he wrote for, and they had both invited several people from work. It would not have been appropriate for him to out Eren as the moaning, begging, slut he was whenever they slept together. Some things were for his ears alone. So he tightened his leash and willed himself not to get hard. Conner tapped his shoulder and asked him a question, so he answered it, grateful for the distraction. He had just turned back around when Eren fluttered out into the common room and seemed to suck all the air out of Levi's lungs.

Levi's throat went dry as Eren leaned over into the kitchen to grab a beer, the motion showcasing his long legs, perfect ass, and the barest hint of gleaming skin below the ridiculous knot he had tied in the back of his shirt. Levi was used to Eren in skinny jeans but tonight they looked like he had painted them on his body. Eren took a sip of his beer and a drop of the amber colored liquid slid off his lips and down the side of his neck. Somehow Levi managed not to jump off the couch, cross the room and catch the drop with his tongue as it slid down the column of his throat and disappeared under the loose billowy collar of  _ his _ shirt. Seeing Eren in his clothing stirred his possessive tendencies to life. His fingers twitched in anticipation of holding his beautiful brat. 

Ayende said something and he looked away, reluctantly, trying not to be disappointed that he couldn't watch Eren swan across the room. He was getting ready to look back when the body he knew better than his own slid into his lap with practiced ease and Eren's arm rested across his shoulders. He curled his fingers around Eren's hip and squeezed, sliding his fingers over where the younger man's hip bone pressed through the soft material of his jeans. He manhandled him slightly so that Eren was sitting squarely in his lap instead of on his leg. He was pretty much healed from his wound, but there was no need to cause it further stress. His mind paused for a moment, wondering about what must have had Eren so distracted that he hadn't realized that. His boyfriend had been nothing short of militant about his recovery. 

Ayende looked Eren up and down, flashing him a bright smile.

"And this must be the Princess Eren. I am Ayende."

Levi felt Eren tense just slightly, but his boyfriend's smile never wavered. 

"Nice to meet you. I prefer male pronouns and adjectives, though."

Ayende's eyes widened and he glanced back and forth between Eren and Levi who shrugged. 

"I told you he was something."

"Forgive me, I did not mean any offense at all."

Eren nodded at him and Levi felt him relax before he extended his hand to Ayende. Levi made a mental note not to call Eren "princess" in the future. He didn't think he had ever used female gendered nicknames before (unless you could count bitch, which seemed to be pretty unisex these days) but if it was something that bothered Eren, he would make sure he never did it again. 

"None taken." 

Eren and Ayende chatted amiably and Levi relaxed back, content to let the conversation wash over him. Conner shifted at his elbow and said something, reminding him of the other man's existence...he had completely forgotten he was there. Levi shook his head, smiling to himself, wondering how he ever could have thought Conner and Eren had anything in common at all. This conversation with Ayende was yet another proof. Nobody pushed Eren around. Except for  _ him _ of course. He found the duality of Eren's personality exciting. He was so confident and competent in everything he did, not shy about his actions, opinions or beliefs. But when it was just the two of them, Eren became a stuttering, bashful mess; adorably submissive and erotic. He traced his fingers up his boyfriend's backbone, wanting to feel it for himself, enjoying the tiny wiggles he felt against his lap when Eren shivered at his touch. 

Conner made another comment and this time it actually got Levi's attention so he turned to exchange a few words. He kept half his attention on Eren's conversation because it was impossible not to. 

Kiara leaned across Ayende and gestured toward Ymir who had just strolled out of the kitchen with a full plate of food and settled on the carpet in front of them. 

"Oh, Eren! This is the other girl I was telling you about, Ymir, this is Eren, Eren, Ymir."

Eren shifted and leaned forward to shake Ymir's hand, arching his back like a cat's and grinding his ass directly into Levi's crotch. He snapped his attention back to his brat and hissed under his breath, positive now if he was doing it on purpose.  _ You might come to regret that, brat. _

Ymir's eyes widened when he greeted her.

"Wow! Where did you get your contacts? I've never seen that color before."

Levi felt Eren chuckle. Behind them, Conner snorted under his breath. Eren whipped his head around and narrowed his eyes at Conner before turning back to Ymir. 

"Sorry to disappoint, but they are all natural."

"Wow. You're so lucky!"

Eren laughed a little louder this time and took a sip of his beer.

"I'll let my mom know you appreciate them."

Ymir giggled and then her eyes widened again.

"Wait! I  _ know _ you! Don't tell me you're  _ that _ Eren...from the Tri Sig Lip Sync?"

Levi couldn't see his boyfriend's face, but he could imagine him biting his lip as he nodded. He could imagine himself biting his lip as well. 

"No  _ way _ ! I'm on the Sirens with some of the girls in Greek Life and they couldn't stop talking about you! Everyone was wondering if you'll try out this semester."

The Sirens were Paradis University's dance team. Unlike some universities that had different teams for cheerleading, dance competitions, and kick line, Paradis had one unified team of dancers (run through the Dance department) that were separated internally into squads. That extra level of organization developed show groups with an impressive level of quality. At some events, there were more people rooting for the Sirens than the Titans. 

Before Eren got to answer, Conner snorted again, more loudly. This time Eren got up and faced the other man. He was already taller than Conner, but with the other man sitting down Eren towered over him. 

"Do you need a tissue or something?"

Conner cleared his throat awkwardly. He appeared to dither for a moment about whether or not he would rise to the bait and then plunged in, doing his best to appear nonchalant.

"No, I was laughing at the idea of you being a Siren, if you can't stand to be called a princess."

Eren opened his mouth to respond, but Ymir cut him off, on her feet now too.

"There are plenty of male Sirens, just as their are female Titans. Why are you being such an asshole, Conner?"

Conner stared at her, trying to stay calm.

" _ I'm _ being an asshole? You don't even know this guy!"

Ymir looked down her nose at him, quite the feat seeing as she couldn't have been taller than five foot two.

"Exactly."

Levi tried to follow her female logic, but as usual, found himself lacking whatever it was that would have made that possible. He briefly considered getting involved, but quickly decided against it. Eren didn't need anyone to fight his battles. 

Ymir looped her arms through Eren's and tugged him down to the carpet. 

"Ignore him, Eren. He's just  _ jealous _ because you're prettier than he is."

Conner got up and stalked off to the kitchen and Eren sank to the floor, turning his attention to the food on Ymir's plate . Levi missed Eren's weight in his lap, but this way he could look at Eren's face, so it wasn't a total loss. He didn't even bother trying to figure out why Eren and Conner seemed to dislike each other so much. Eren stretched his long legs out in front of him and leaned back on his palms. The key Levi had given him peeked out from the deep v-neck of his shirt and glinted in the light. 

"So how do you guys all know each other again? Does everyone go here?"

Ymir shifted uneasily so Levi cut in. 

"They're friends from work. Ayende and Kiara graduated from Paradis and Ymir is a freshman, like you." 

Levi could see Eren's brow furrowing, trying to figure out how all four of them could possibly work at the same job. He cursed himself inwardly for not mentioning to Eren that he had a part time job and what it was. It would make Ymir uncomfortable if he outed her here and he didn't want to do that. She had been working at  _ Twizzlers _ since she was in High School and she had been extremely careful to keep her work-life private. To Levi's relief he didn't pursue the topic, but the meaningful look Eren shot him let him know he would have to explain later. 

Thanks to Kiara's outgoing personality, the conversation picked up again and the small group chatted about nothing in particular. After a few minutes, Eren maneuvered himself so he could lean up against Levi's legs and rest his cheek against Levi's thigh. The older man dropped his hand and started to subconsciously stroke his boyfriend's still-slightly-damp hair when a small commotion from the group surrounding Hannes caught their attention. 

"No! Make it louder!"

"Oh I  _ love _ him. He is totally my hall pass."

"He's  _ everyone's _ hall pass."

Hannes' girlfriend had snatched the remote and turned up the New Year's broadcast where a dark haired emo-looking dude was crooning obnoxiously into the microphone whilst "playing" guitar. The girls in the room had their attention rapt on the screen and were making disgusting cooing sounds. Hannes and a couple of the other guys were suffering loudly and teasing the girls. When the torture had finally subsided, a conversation about music started up. Levi was listening with half an ear when he heard his name. 

"Hey Levi, be our tie breaker!"

Levi rolled his eyes, already steeling himself for whatever homophobic bullshit  _ this _ was going to lead to. 

"As our resident  _ Queer Eye _ , you have to break the tie. Yes or no to that guy?"

Levi took a breath. It wasn't difficult to stay calm, because he wasn't really bothered. 

"First of all, I'm not the only gay man in this room, and I'm only speaking for myself here..."

A couple of the girls twittered to encourage him and Hannes rolled his eyes.

"Talent-wise he's a total hack. Looks wise,"

He couldn't help but slightly indulge the niggling desire to claim Eren just a bit. He lifted Eren's chin with two of his fingers and caressed his bottom lip with his thumb.

"...no hall pass needed. My boyfriend's hotter."

Eren giggled and pressed his face against his thigh. The guys hooted at successfully "winning" the argument and the girls deflated. One of them rounded on him furiously. 

" _ Ugh! _ What do you know about his talent! Like  _ you _ could do better!"

Levi wouldn't normally have risen to the bait, but he had had a few too many beers already and Eren was snuggling against his leg, all soft smiles and shining eyes. 

"Hey Hannes, you still have that acoustic?"

His Fraternity brother gaped at him with wide eyes and practically vaulted off the couch. 

"You bet your shit I do. No way, man. No  _ fucking way _ this is happening right now."

He brought out a slightly beaten up Fender Acoustic guitar and passed it to Levi along with a pick. Eren stared up at him with wide eyes. He couldn't help himself, so he leaned down and gave Eren a quick kiss on the lips. 

"Back up a bit, will you honey?" 

Levi scooted forward to the edge of the couch as Eren scrambled back and adjusted the instrument in his lap, strumming a few chords experimentally so he could tune the strings. He probably hadn't held a guitar in a good solid two years (since he had been a pledge and their task had been to each reveal a "hidden talent") but holding the instrument was like riding a bike. He knew what he was going to play immediately and looked up to make sure Hannes had muted the t.v. (trying to ignore the fact that the older ARO was already recording him with his smartphone). He took a breath and launched into the hook of one of his favorite songs, Alice in Chains  _ I Stay Away _ .

The melody swirled around Levi and he closed his eyes, feeling the music vibrate through his fingertips. He wasn't much of a singer, but he could do justice to this song.

_ Yeah, hey, I want to travel south this year _   
_ I won't, _ _ won't prevent safe passage here _

_ Why you act crazy? _   
_ Not an act maybe _   
_ So close a lady _   
_ Shifty eyes, shady _

Levi opened his eyes to see Eren staring at him, wonder etched across his beautiful face. Some part of his brain registered that though he had played  _ for _ people before he had never played  _ to  _ someone before. The wave of emotion he felt put extra feeling into the next lines of the song. 

_ Yeah, hey Yeah, tears that soak a callous heart _   
_ Why you act frightened? _

_ I am enlightened _   
_ Your weakness builds me, so someday you'll see _

_ I stay away _

_ Why you act crazy? _   
_ Not an act maybe _   
_ So close a lady _   
_ Shifty eyes, shady _

He tossed Eren a wink and glanced around at the rest of the room, taking in their hilariously shocked expressions.

_ I stay away, I stay away, I stay away, I stay away _

He ended with a flourish and settled back on the couch. After several beats of dead silence the room erupted around him with cheers and over exaggerated swoons, and loud exclamations of  _ 'I didn't know you could play the guitar!' _ It was enough to put a brief yet genuine smile on his face. Eren shuffled closer, a small furrow appearing between his eyebrows. Levi handed the guitar back to Hannes and ignored the rest of the room. He beckoned to Eren and sighed when the young man crawled into his lap and straddled him. He pulled Eren forward so their foreheads were pressed together. He still couldn't believe Eren was here with him. It was like a dream. He couldn't help but put it into words.

"You're here."

"You play guitar. And you have a job? Are you sure  _ you're _ here? Cause I'm feeling a little bit like I have no idea who I'm dating right now." 

Eren said it in a soft, playful tone but Levi could tell he was actually bothered. He sighed and rubbed their noses together. 

"You know everything important."

It was a shitty way to answer and Levi knew it, but alcohol was swimming through his veins and for the first time in a week he didn't have to feel like some perverted, social media stalker to look into his boyfriend's eyes. The hands he had wrapped around Eren's hips slid to the small of his back and caressed the exposed skin there. He could see that Eren wanted to say something but he just didn't want to talk right now, so he did the only thing he could think of. 

He leaned just a little bit closer and nipped at Eren's bottom lip, capturing it and teasing it erotically, in a way he knew his boyfriend loved. He increased the pressure on Eren's back and skimmed his lips to the shell of Eren's ear.

"You must be exhausted after travelling all day."

Eren's eyes were beautifully glazing over.

"Mm hmm."

"I think the party might be winding down." 

"Mm hmm."

"If you're tired..."

Eren gave a tiny moan and gripped his hair hard so he could line their faces up again before kissing Levi on the mouth. He pulled back after a moment, his adorable display of dominance evaporating when he felt Levi's hands slip down to tease the waistband of his buttery soft jeans. He bit his lip and looked at Levi through his ridiculously long lashes.

"...you could take me to bed now?"

Levi felt his body tighten in all the right places as lust flowed through his veins with the heaviness of molten lava.  _ Nothing _ . There was  _ nothing _ on this earth that had control over him like the boy in his arms. He pulled Eren close and breathed into his ear.

" _ Fucking Christ _ I am going to destroy you."

He squeezed Eren's ass hard. Another tiny moan escaped him and it brought Levi back to his senses. By their standards it wasn't loud at all, but it was enough to attract some attention from the people around them. Eren hid his face in Levi's shoulder, either unwilling or unable to interface with the other guests at the moment. Levi could feel the boy's blush burning against his skin, right through the material of his shirt. He held Eren possessively close and turned to his friends.

"Ayende, Kiara, thanks for coming over."

The couple took the hint and in the end, all four of them got off the couch. Kiara signaled to Ymir, who bounced over to leave with them. 

"Thanks for letting me come over Levi. I really appreciate it!"

Levi nodded. Eren, who was wrapped around him looking drunk as fuck off of one beer, gave Ymir a shy smile when she turned to him.

"It was really great to meet you, Eren. It's nice to see the big guy here acting human for once."

Ayende and Kiara chuckled at that and Levi rolled his eyes.

"I'm definitely gonna message you about those ARO tutoring hours. I think it would really help me in Calc II. I don't know how I passed the first one. I'll see you at dance tryouts!"

Levi felt Eren sigh with relief when Kiara finally dragged Ymir to the door. The main party was also breaking up and Conner must have left without saying goodbye, because Levi didn't see him in the room anymore. Not that he spent more than exactly eight seconds looking at anyone else when his boyfriend was doing such a convincing impression of human melted chocolate against the side of his body.

Without another thought he lifted Eren off the floor, exulting when long arms and legs wrapped around his body. He carried him into the bedroom, closing and locking the door behind them. 


	18. More. Always, More.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> R18 Kinky Smut Warning

Eren had always had an unhealthy relationship with pain. 

It started when he was young, but he never really thought about that until recently, since most of the memories of his night terrors had been locked away until he met Levi. In his nightmares, Eren would feel fear. Core shaking, paralyzing, agonizing fear. But, of course, it was never accompanied by pain. A body cannot feel pain in its sleep, so pain was how Eren knew he was awake. To break out of his nightmares he would bite down on his hands hard enough to leave the scars that would trace his skin for the rest of his life. Pain was the signal that the terror was over, and once he was awake, he found it comforting. Even when the nightmares stopped and the memories and the trauma faded away, the association remained. Pain was the way for Eren to feel like he was once again present inside his body.

Strange the way things can shape you, without you even meaning them to.

The Jaeger family photos, a collection of the greatest hits of all the cuts, scrapes, and bruises Eren collected as a child, were a fine testament. Adults thought he was wild, his friends thought he was fearless; everyone thought he was reckless. They were all wrong. He had plenty of  _ fear _ , he just wasn't afraid of  _ pain _ . Which is why he never let it stop him from climbing to the highest tree branch (which then snapped- broken leg), or retrieving the frisbee from the roof (after which he slipped- concussion and eight stitches), or standing up to Amos Parker in seventh grade when the other boy called him a 'fairy' (broken nose and a cracked rib- but you should have seen the other guy.)

It was somewhere around the Amos Parker incident that Eren started to recognize that pain was turning into something different for him...something closer to pleasure. When Latasha Epstein, one of his friends from dance school, tried to tame his hair into cornrows before a competition once, she had ripped nearly half of it out before she declared it impossible. He had gone home that night with a raging hard on. He knew himself well enough to know it had nothing to do with Latasha. The orgasm he had that night under the safety of his blankets, while pulling ruthlessly at the roots of his hair, was the most intense he had ever had in his life. It was an awakening. 

Getting fucked for the first time was also an awakening. The more he experimented, the more he knew exactly what he liked; and how much better it felt when he used just a  _ little _ less lube, had just a  _ little _ less preparation. Before college, any sex was good sex. Occasionally he had great sex. Since starting school and meeting Levi, things had reached a whole new level. Even though Levi was a generous lover, he was not instinctively a gentle person nor was he the type to hold back. Just 'normal' sex with Levi was incredible. He was  _ big _ enough that it almost  _ always _ hurt without him even trying. He was also dominant and aggressive and hyper focused on Eren when they were alone together, which was exciting and flattering. Just thinking about it melted his insides. 

But like any human condition, it is only too easy to get used to something the more you are exposed to it. Regular pain was not enough to give Eren the deepest, darkest satisfaction he craved. He needed  _ more _ . And he knew how to get it. 

When Levi was really aroused, beyond the bounds of generic desire, the trappings of his humanity would fall away and reveal the beast within. It made him just a  _ little _ less conscious of his own formidable strength; his grip was tighter, his bite was sharper, his thrusts were harder. Luckily for Eren, he excelled in pushing his boyfriend past the breaking point, to a place of seething lust and dangerous desperation. To a place where they could both find bliss. He couldn't get away with it too often, the human body can take just so much punishment; but it was always worth it. Eren would feel nights like those just a  _ little _ bit longer than the others. It would take those bruises just a  _ little _ bit longer to fade. 

He could tell before Levi locked the door behind them, that tonight was going to be one of those nights. He could see it in the inky blackness of Levi's lust blown pupils and feel it in the flex of his fingers as he dug into the flesh of Eren's hips. As physically exhausted as he was from the day, and as emotionally exhausted as he was from this entire fucking week, tonight would be a night he would remember for all the right reasons.

Eren was tired of feeling so much distance between them. Tired of feeling like everyone knew Levi better than he did. Tired of holding back. 

He writhed and twisted, trying to melt his body against Levi's impenetrable hardness. He latched his mouth onto  _ that spot _ on Levi's neck, right over his pulse point, and sucked hard, moaning when he felt Levi's body shudder. He knew it would both excite and anger his partner (he had been reprimanded before for marking his boyfriend) and he wasn't disappointed. Levi ripped him off his body with a deep growl and tossed him onto the bed. His voice was rough and dark with promised retribution.

"Have you lost your  _ fucking _ mind, slut?"

Because apparently he  _ had _ lost his fucking mind, Eren didn't apologize like he should have. 

"I'm just so hungry,  _ Master _ Levi."

" _ Fuck _ ." 

Levi was on him in an instant, breathing filth over his neck. 

"I knew you were a dirty bitch, Eren, but I thought you were smarter than that. Obviously I have to remind you what happens when you rile me up."

"Fuhh, ahhhhhh, punish me,  _ Master _ ."

Levi tugged his hair back sharply, bending his neck at an awkward angle and bit down on his collarbone. Levi was poised over him, so when Eren bucked his hips, he ground his cock against Levi's muscular thigh. He gasped in pleasure at the friction.

Levi grunted and sat up.

"Oh no you don't. You need to learn your place, thirsty bitch. You think you can just parade yourself around, flaunting that indecent body of yours in front of me all night and not pay the price?"

Eren's eyes went wide as Levi stripped him, discarding his shirt and peeling his pants off his shaking legs. 

Levi shifted away from him after murmuring low against his lips. 

"I have something special for brats who need a lesson."

He moved off the bed, and Eren stayed place, more out of deference to his own foolish curiosity than the warning glare cast on him.  _ What could he have…? _

Eren's breath caught in his throat when he saw what Levi pulled out of his bedside drawer: the shiny green ribbon that had been wrapped around the box of the infinity bracelet Eren had given him. It didn't seem long enough or strong enough to tie his legs down so what…?

Oh.  _ Oh… _

In motions that were slow, but just too sharp to be gentle, Levi wrapped the ribbon from the top of Eren's semi-hard cock down to around his balls. He looped it under and brought it to the top again, weaving a tight twisting pattern down his length and knotting it off under his frenulum. It was tight, but it didn't hurt, so Eren was wondering why exactly it was a punishment...until Levi grinned malevolently at him and leaned down, flicking his tongue across Eren's cockhead. He sucked in his breath sharply as his cock twitched...or tried to. The ribbon constricted more than just the tiniest swell. Right now, all he felt was an aching pressure, but he could tell how quickly it could turn to serious pain if he was any more aroused. *

And Levi was just getting started.

_ Fuck _ .

His boyfriend must have seen the mixture of fear and anticipation flash in his eyes.

"Not so sure of ourselves now, are we?" 

He looked down at Eren's cock, enjoying the way it shuddered again- knowing full well the power of his voice.

"Such a pretty present for me, all wrapped up. If you beg me nicely, I might even unwrap you... _ later _ ."

Eren whimpered as he felt the pressure building again. Levi toyed with the hem of his Henley shirt, but just when Eren thought he was going to remove it, he dropped his hands to draw light shifting patterns on Eren's thighs.

"No, you would like that too much…but you are being so quiet tonight, honey. That won't do."

Eren gritted his teeth, trying not to bite his tongue. He really didn't know why he was being so quiet, only that it took all his concentration not to go to pieces and beg to be fucked like a dollar whore- that would give Levi too much satisfaction and just prolong his agony. His mind was such a mess he didn't know if he wanted  _ more _ pleasure or  _ less _ . 

_ More _ . Always,  _ more _ .

Levi loomed over him and crawled up his body, caressing his skin here and there, running his fingers along the contours of Eren's lean muscles. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus on his breathing to control his arousal, so he was not at all prepared for it when Levi's mouth closed over his nipple. He teased it lightly with his tongue before sucking hard, drawing a high pitched moan from Eren's lips. His fingers twisted in the bed sheets as Levi groped his other nipple with the pads of his fingers. He nearly arched off the bed when Levi pinched one and bit down on the other hard enough to make him scream. 

And he did scream, as pain and pleasure hit him in a white hot tidal wave that scrambled every coherent thought in his brain. He sobbed and whimpered, words tumbling from his lips with garbled incoherence. The pain in his chest shot straight to his groin, which, if it hadn't been bound would have been fully aroused and seeping with precum...but it  _ was _ bound. His cock strained against the ribbon and it bit into his sensitive flesh, causing more pain...more pleasure...more everything. 

And then they were kissing and Levi was everywhere and before he was barely stretched open, he felt the strain of Levi's cock wrenching apart his pleasure tightened asshole. Wracked by pain, blinded by pleasure, Eren's entire world narrowed to the rhythm of Levi's hips. He didn't even recognize the sounds that were coming out of his mouth when Levi pulled him down the bed and slammed into him, rocking deliciously with each thrust.

Eren struggled and moaned and begged and Levi gripped him tighter, thrust into him harder. He looked down at his body and watched his cock flop uselessly between his legs, purple and pulsing. The shiny green ribbon mocked him, as his boyfriend drove into him again and again, every now and then changing the angle to keep Eren squirming. Levi leaned down, only slightly slowing his thrusts and whispered against the side of Eren's face.

"Looks like you have something you need, honey. Have you learned your lesson yet?"

Eren tried to answer, but all that came out was a choked sob. He threw his arms around Levi's body and tore into the man's shoulders with his nails, catching the fabric of his shirt and the skin beneath. Levi barely reacted, already completely lost in a fog of desire. The older man licked his ear and caressed the side of his face, his strange gentleness adding another layer of eroticism in stark contrast to his punishing thrusts and aggressive demeanor. 

"God, honey, you've never felt tighter around my cock. That's where you belong, isn't it? Around my cock?"

Eren whined. His voice was high and breathy.

"Yes,  _ god _ yes,  _ nnnnnn fuck _ , please, please it hurts,  _ nnnnnnn _ ."

Levi pulled back and opened his eyes innocently, his voice a gentle croon.

"But my Eren loves when it hurts. Don't you, you filthy whore?"

"Y-y-y...G-God, Levi.. _.please _ …"

"You do know how to beg, don't you…"

Eren's cock and balls had gone numb long ago, so he saw it, rather than felt it when Levi's hand drifted down and slipped the knot free, lifting the now innocently twisting piece of shiny green ribbon and tossing it aside. Eren clamped down and Levi groaned into his neck, slamming into him ruthlessly. The blood rushed south as everything the binding had been holding at bay hit him at once. He could feel the red stripes the ribbon had left on his skin throb like a branding iron as his dick hardened. His body shook uncontrollably as he spasmed in pleasure. His lungs locked down and stars exploded behind his eyes fading everything to white...and then before he could come up for air...to black. 

° ☆ °

Eren was floating. He felt relaxed and weightless, surrounded by comfort and warmth. He was so comfortable he didn't want to open his eyes, knowing that if he did, his beautiful dream would be over. This was too good a dream to give up without at least a token resistance. It even  _ smelled _ good. Like sex, and soap, and sheets fresh from the dryer, and the unmistakable, intoxicating scent of  _ Levi _ .

He knew he was being held without opening his eyes; he could feel all the points on his body where he was coming in contact with Levi. His ass was cradled in his boyfriend's lap and his cheek was pillowed against his naked chest. Strong hands glided across his body, tracing patterns in his skin like crop circles. When one of those hands slid up to his cheek, he knew he'd been caught. 

"It's about time, Brat. You think I can't hear the difference in your breathing?"

Eren blinked his eyes open lazily, enjoying the view of Levi's broad chest, neck and shoulders. Bits and pieces of the evening started trickling into Eren's mind until everything clicked into place enough for him to realize there were gaps. He tried to sit up but Levi wouldn't let him. 

"Ah, what...happened?"

He remembered they were having sex...remembered Levi loosening the ribbon...and then nothing. He felt the rumble of amusement in Levi's chest.

"I fucked you unconscious."

Eren huffed in consternation and tried to bury his flaming cheeks in Levi's pec.

"Oh god...I...shit. How long was I out?"

"Long enough."

Eren shifted a bit, realizing that though Levi wasn't fully hard, he was definitely thickening. 

"Did you...uh…?"

"Yes. Before I realized you actually passed out. I would have stopped if I had known. Fuck, you were so sexy, Eren. That body of yours just wouldn't stop cumming."

Eren could believe it. He still felt like he was on cloud nine, and now that he could see the alarm clock he knew he'd been out for almost two hours. 

"Um, babe? Not that I'm against waking up like this, but...how come we're not sleeping?"

The hand that had been cradling Eren's shoulder slid up to wrap around his jaw and angle his face up. Eren blinked into Levi's eyes sleepily, his brain still too tired at first to take in that not only was his boyfriend wide awake, but his eyes were still dark with lust. Levi's cock twitched under his ass and he lifted Eren's face while leaning down to meet him halfway. His voice was low and smoky when he crooned against Eren's lips.

"Did you think just fucking you once would be enough to satisfy me?"

A swarm of butterflies erupted in the pit of Eren's stomach and set his heart pounding as they tried to escape his body, unsuccessfully getting caught in his throat. 

"Have...have you been watching me this whole time?"

Levi skimmed his lips against Eren's and then along the younger man's cheek. He spoke in the same low, singsong croon he had before and it made Eren squirm. Levi's other hand was still dancing along his lower body, running smoothly across the skin of his waist, hip, thigh, and knee.

"I cleaned all of your delicious cum off your body."

Here he paused to lick the side of Eren's face, his tongue darting out so quickly, Eren didn't know if he imagined it. A tiny corner of his mind wondered how exactly Levi had cleaned him...

"God it was so  _ hot _ ...you were so beautifully wrecked for me. I wanted to wake you up and take you again, but you looked so peaceful, I had to hold back. I made myself behave, but I had to touch you, Eren. You've slept in my arms for an hour, at least."

Eren swallowed, willing those damn butterflies back into his stomach. Levi's eyes, his voice, his hands, the way his body was curved around Eren's, was all almost...worshipful. It would have been sweet, but there was an edge to it of something darker. He loved that Levi had taken care of him, had held him and watched him as he rose from the depths of his pleasure coma. It made him feel beautiful, special, loved. 

Eren stirred and lifted the arm that wasn't pinned between their bodies so he could smooth his palm up Levi's chest and slide his fingers through his boyfriend's hair. He could feel Levi's body tighten around him.

"I'm awake now."

They moved together as they had a hundred times before. Eren squirmed into a sitting position and Levi's arms tightened around him.

"So you are."

Levi's lips were hungry against his and his tongue, insistent. Eren could sense the same intensity between them as earlier, yet it was muted now, maybe suppressed by the thick, syrupy atmosphere in the room. He tried to move up again so he could straddle his boyfriend, but an iron grip on his hips held Eren in place. 

"No honey, I want to take you this way. I've been imagining exactly how I would do it..."

Eren whined low in his throat. Levi's hand was between his legs now, caressing his shaft with languid strokes. His hand slid lower every other stroke, passed Eren's balls to massage the delicate skin of his perineum or brush tantalizing circles around his rim. Eren felt like tiny electrical shocks pulsed through his body at every deliberate touch. He could feel the ache in his hips and back from round one, but it was easily superceded by the delicious tension that was rising like steam through his whole body. His cock dripped precum as Levi tested his hole, finding it ready and open. He didn't doubt Levi had cleaned him as thoroughly as possible, but there was no way he could have gotten  _ everything _ without Eren at least sitting up. The thought of fucking again and using the cum Levi left in his body as lubricant made him moan. 

Levi had no intention of making him wait. Eren would have thought the position an impossible one, but with a few simple maneuvers and the upper body strength of a professional weight lifter, he felt himself sliding down onto Levi's cock, his own body weight impaling him in the man's lap.

"Hah.  _ Ahhhhhh _ , Levi!"

The older man's voice was slightly rough from exertion, but it still had that silky sing-song quality that made Eren shiver. It was different than usual- the voice of a man dancing on the edge of madness. 

"Mm. You're so good for me honey. So so good. So pretty and soft and tight."

Eren wrapped his arms around Levi's neck to give his boyfriend better leverage as he lifted him using only the strength of the flexing muscles in his arms, back and shoulders. Eren sank onto his cock again and again, still sitting sideways across Levi's lap. His passage had been carved by this man, made to fit his shape from the hours they had spent wrapped around each other, but like everything else tonight, this too was different. The sideways angle brushed against the inside of Eren's ass, stretching him the wrong way on Levi's girth. It had him gasping for breath. Levi's words seeped into his brain and he whined, that  _ fucking _ word getting him every time.

"Am I  _ pretty _ , Levi?"

Levi growled against his lips as the grip tightened around his hip and thigh.

" _ So _ pretty honey,  _ so fucking pretty _ , every part of this perfect body was made for me to love."

Eren felt himself tighten at Levi's unexpectedly sweet words and the older man groaned, increasing his pace, but at this angle Eren could tell already, Levi wouldn't be able to finish. They seemed to come to that realization simultaneously and moved together, perfectly in sync, until his back was pressed against the bed and Levi had one of his legs up over his shoulder. Levi sucked on his ankle bone as he took him with long, deep thrusts that filled him properly this time. All too quickly they were tottering on a familiar precipice and then tumbling, careening through space with their bodies and souls awash with the ecstacy they could only find in each other's arms.

Long after the tremors coursing through their bodies died down, they clung to one another, their tongues twisted in wet, passionate proof of their longing. Neither willing to pull back. Neither able to pull back.

° ☆ °

Eren had always had an unhealthy relationship with pain. 

So he knew it when he saw it. Levi was the living embodiment of soul destroying pain. Eren could take that pain. His body was a vessel that could absorb it and cleanse it, pouring it back into Levi as pleasure. 

The only question is, how much can the vessel absorb, before it shatters?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ribbon tying technique that Levi uses in this chapter is meant to be reminiscent of Shibari or Kinbaku. Shibari is the mesmerizing Japanese art of Erotic Rope Bondage. I urge you to investigate further, with caution, as the majority of images will be NSFW (just how we like them) Enjoy!  
> ♡DiLo


	19. Coffee and Frost

Eren hitched his bag up his shoulder and stepped through the doors into the Student Union. The wind was swirling snow flurries outside the glass doors, and though he was hit with an artificial blast of heat, he didn't feel any warmer. Exactly two months had passed since the 'Titan Shooting,' and it was the first time Eren had stepped foot inside the building where he and dozens of other students had almost been murdered by a would-be mass shooter. He took a deep breath and stepped through the second set of glass doors so he was standing properly inside the building. He had expected to have flashbacks to the terror he had felt there, but as he looked around himself, he realized there was nothing left to trigger him.

The entire inside of the building looked like it had been ripped out and refitted in a beautiful modern aesthetic. Everything looked bright, sleek, and state of the art. Eren had known about the renovation, of course; the university had been planning it and fundraising for years, but in the wake of the shooting, donations had poured in and several influential designers and local contractors had stepped in to complete the entire project during Winter Session. Still, knowing and seeing were two different things.

He let out the breath he had been holding and walked slowly across the lobby and down a few steps into the new Food Court. The floor and walls that had been splashed with blood were gone. The shooter himself was gone. A footnote to a news story over the holidays reported that the shooter, now a quadriplegic, had been remanded to a facility for the criminally insane; he would spend the rest of his life with a feeding tube up his nose, regretting the day he crossed Levi Ackerman. Eren had anticipated feeling all the feelings and yet...he was fine. He felt comfortable and in control and when he turned to see his pledge brothers crossing the room to where he was standing, he felt content.

Armin, Connie, Marco, and Jean met him halfway and the five men unashamedly embraced. Eren had seen only Armin and Jean over break, and even them he hadn't seen in the weeks since he returned to school. After spending an entire semester of pledging in each other's pockets, the bond between them was codependent and unbreakable. Everything just felt right when their squad was all together. They grabbed some lunch and picked a new "spot," that they would claim now as their own; one of the circular, oversized booths in the corner by one of the new emergency exits. Connie finished regaling them all with his tale of wifing up Sasha on Christmas Eve and Armin leaned across the table.

"So when are you moving back to the dorms, Rogue?"

Eren grinned at the use of his pledge name. There was an etiquette regarding whom could use your pledge name and when, and amongst the five of them, it just felt natural. The names suited them, really. Armin had somehow been Coconut since day one and Connie had been dubbed Springsteen after his particularly unfortunate outfit at the Lip Sync. Marco had accepted Freckles with a casual shrug- already used to that one since grade school. Only Jean seemed salty about his moniker, though exactly none of them would ever not call him BoJack.

Eren had expected this question. Honestly, he should have moved back in three days ago when the rest of the guys got back, but he was so caught up in playing house with Levi that he stupidly decided to wait until classes started; when it was both noticeable and inconvenient.

"Ahh this weekend, actually. Miss me Coconut?"

Jean interjected then, in true Jean style, not willing to let the subject drop.  _ Of course. _

"Whoa whoa, what is this, now?"

Eren rolled his eyes, even if he didn't particularly mind talking about it. Most of the permanent residents of 59 Marley were back from their holidays already and the fact that Eren had stayed there,  _ with Levi, _ for part of break was common knowledge. The only reason his squad didn't know was simply because nobody thought it was noteworthy enough to mention.

"I've been staying at 59."

"Whoa  _ staying _ ?"

"As in shacking up with the Master?"

Eren grinned anytime he heard anyone refer to Levi as  _ Master _ . It was a habit they all picked up from pledging, but it was so widespread now that it may as well have been the older brother's pledge name. The fact that Eren called him that in bed made him giggle.

"But I saw you walk in here under your own power...shouldn't you have a couple of dislocated hips by now, or something?"

Marco elbowed Jean hard for that last comment and Connie guffawed loudly, attracting a few bemused stares from other tables. Armin ignored everyone's antics.

"How's that been going?"

Eren tried not to blush too hard.

"It's...it's been great, actually."

Eren glanced up from studying the Formica tabletop and caught Marco's eyes. For just a moment the redhead had looked like he wanted to say something and then as quickly as the look had flashed into his eyes, it was gone. Jean nudged his shoulder and the other boy turned, easily distracted, as he always was by Jean. Eren watched them for a moment, half formed thoughts swimming around in his mind before he dismissed them.  _ Nah, no way... _

The conversation picked up again and they moved on to comparing their class schedules. Eren was grateful to have a moment to think and reflect on the time he had spent with Levi since returning to school. When he was still at home, Eren had been concerned that Levi would feel uncomfortable sharing space with him, but actually that couldn't have been further from the truth. Levi was an intensely private person...but he carried his privacy around himself in an impenetrable bubble that didn't seem to be remotely affected by where he was or with whom. He seemed completely at ease with Eren moving around his personal space, as long as he was scrupulously clean- which Eren would have been just out of sheer force of habit as a pledge.

Levi was an even less demanding roommate than Armin, unless you considered his near pathological desire for sex. It seemed all Eren had to do was breathe in Levi's general vicinity to get him in the mood; which to Eren's surprise, they indulged on nearly every surface of Levi's suite when Hannes was either asleep for the night or out during the day. Not that Eren minded. He had quickly adapted to keeping his ass available for pounding at any given moment and rather than calm his boyfriend's sex drive, that only seemed to inflame it. He surreptitiously dropped his hand below the level of the table to massage a particularly sore spot on his lower back, determined not to let Jean see how close his joke was to the truth. Levi also seemed to be more aggressive lately, a trickle of dangerous savagery leaking into their intimate encounters. His boyfriend needed to be pushed far less than he used to be. Eren wanted to bring it up with him, not in complaint (as he quite enjoyed it) but out of genuine concern for Levi's state of mind, but it was never quite the right moment. In fact, he and Levi seemed to have meaningful conversations less than ever.

They had developed a pleasant rhythm since Eren arrived, which kicked in after they spent the first two full days of the New Year fucking senselessly, with barely even breaks for water. Levi was still working nights as a Security guard for a local strip club (a job which Eren had to admit made total sense). On the days Levi would work, he would come home at around four a.m. and he and Eren would eat breakfast before falling into bed and fucking until they fell asleep. They would wake up at some point in the afternoon, have lunch, work out, and then spend the rest of the day hanging out (and probably fucking a few more times). They would eat dinner together before Levi left for work again in the evening and start the whole cycle over again.

Eren learned a few new things about Levi in the time they lived together that he had only really guessed at before. First, Levi was an extremely organized and regimented person (which should have been obvious since he  _ was  _ in ROTC.) Second, his obsession with hygiene wasn't just a quirk, it was an entire fucking lifestyle. He showered at least twice a day and cleaned his room and his bathroom compulsively on some kind of internal schedule Eren had yet to figure out. Third, the mystery of what Levi eats was finally solved, and contrary to popular belief he did not subsist entirely on Muscle Milk and avocado toast. His boyfriend was actually surprisingly handy in the kitchen (which Eren had gotten a glimpse of during Levi's short stay at his parent's house) and seemed quite adept at preparing delicious, healthy meals with simple flavor profiles. It wasn't that Levi had anything against particular foods, he was just so deeply disturbed by the possibility of poor hygiene amongst restaurant staff that it was more comfortable for him to eat at home.

He was distracted from his thoughts when Connie waved a hand in front of his face.

"Yo Eren, I asked if you're coming to the informational tonight?"

Eren shook his head and chewed thoughtfully on an alfredo soaked noodle from his pasta bowl.

"Ahh, I told Moblit I can't make this one. The Sirens are having the first round of tryouts at the same time, so I think I'll check that out instead."

The guys all nodded encouragingly and wished him luck before going back to talking about the Rush meeting- which everyone was excited to attend now that they were on the other side of the Fraternity recruitment process. Eren had to smile and thank Fate for the hundredth time. He really had the best friends in the world. He knew without a doubt that despite their very different upbringings and orientations, they accepted him and supported him one hundred percent. A well-timed joke here or there was to be expected, but the fact that his bros took the news that he was trying out for the dance team the same enthusiastic aplomb they would have taken news he was trying out for the baseball team, spoke volumes.

They were nearly done with lunch when a slight blonde caught Eren's eye from across the room. He waved her over with a bright smile.

"Ymir!"

"Hi Eren!"

The tiny bombshell skipped over to their table, a bright smile on her pretty face. She leaned in and pecked Eren on the cheek before pulling back to be introduced to everyone.

"Ymir, this is Connie, Jean, Marco, and Armin. Guys this is Ymir. We met at 59."

The guys accepted this explanation easily, without probing for more information. Seeing beautiful women hanging around 59 Marley was hardly remarkable; ARO collected groupies the way a fourth grader collected Pokémon cards. Eren was grateful for their nonchalance; he knew from Levi that Ymir was concerned about being exposed for her work at  _ Twizzlers _ and she had all of Eren's sympathy. He had never outed someone yet and he didn't plan to start now. To be honest, she couldn't have looked further from her nighttime persona at the moment (Eren had cajoled Levi into letting him join him at work one night just out of curiosity.)

Ymir's straight blonde hair was pulled back into a simple ponytail, rather than curled artfully around her elfin face. Her eyes, a pale summer blue when they weren't altered by garish contacts, peered out from under her blunt cut fringe. With the exception of a swipe of shimmery pink lip gloss, she didn't appear to be wearing any makeup at all. She looked young, fresh-faced and beautiful.

Eren kicked Armin under the table when he didn't join in the chorus of 'nice to meet you's.

" _ Armin _ , Ymir mentioned that she is looking for a Calc II tutor this semester. Since you are on the Scholarship Committee I figured maybe you could help her out?"

Ymir smiled brightly and squashed herself into the booth next to Armin, who looked like he was trying not to panic.

"Oh! Are we in the same class?"

The tips of Armin's ears burned, but at least he didn't stutter when he answered.

"Ahh no, I'm taking Multivariable Calc this semester. I'm thinking about majoring in Math."

Ymir's mouth popped open in an adorable little 'oh' of surprise.

"Majoring in  _ math _ ? So you're basically a genius. That is  _ so cool!  _ Teach me Senpai!!"

Eren could barely contain his mirth at the look on Armin's face.

"You...you like Anime?"

Ymir shrugged casually.

"Well I prefer reading Manga to watching Anime, but same thing I guess."

Eren was entirely certain that he had never seen the expression that Armin was making at that moment in their fifteen years of friendship. Unfortunately he couldn't stay to enjoy it. He slid smoothly out of the booth and gathered up his lunch trash.

"Ah sorry guys, I have Statistics now and I heard the professor is a dragon so I don't want to be late."

"See ya man!"

"Later, Eren."

Ymir smiled up at him.

"I'll see you at tryouts tonight, right?"

"Ah yeah, can't wait!"

He gave her a quick thumbs up and headed toward the exit, dumping his trash and shrugging into his jacket before he hit the elements. A chill wind hit him before he got all the way across the lobby and Levi appeared in front of him, his hair windswept, with snow flurries dusting the shoulders of his black pea coat. Their eyes met and a frisson of awareness raced down Eren's spine. He stood frozen as Levi crossed the floor and tugged him down into a kiss that was as brief as it was thorough. His boyfriend tasted of coffee and frost, and the just barely discernible hint of pure Levi that had been addicting him for months; that would probably addict him forever.

Heat flared between them and Eren let himself melt just a tiny bit. Levi had kissed him in public before, but to have him do it in the middle of the crowded Student Union at lunch time on the first day of classes, was a level of open he had not been expecting. His eyes fluttered and Levi chucked him softly on the chin.

"I caught you."

Eren hummed happily.  _ Yes...you certainly did. _ When he didn't respond, Levi answered the question in his eyes.

"Since our classes overlap and I have to go right to Rush, I wanted to make sure I wished you luck on your audition. Good luck, honey."

Eren nodded, biting his lip, as his stomach's resident butterflies erupted into a chaotic mess. His boyfriend had shown up on campus two hours before his own class so he could wish him luck  _ in person _ . Quite uncharacteristically, Eren had absolutely no words. Fortunately, Levi seemed to find that amusing.

He settled his hands around Eren's waist and gave him a little shake.

"Cat got your tongue, beautiful?"

"I...I...no, sorry, I just love you."

Levi's lip twitched and his eyes softened to the color of a cloudy sky. Eren knew Levi hated the cold, but with eyes the color of frozen mist and ice crystals dusting his shoulders, he looked like he belonged to the frostbitten world that swirled outside the window. Not for the first time, it made Eren's breathing hitch that  _ somehow  _ this man belonged to  _ him. _

"Well that's very good to hear, since I love  _ the shit _ out of you, brat. Now go before you're late to class."

Levi's fingers tightened around his hips and he instinctively leaned into the older man.

"Don't forget, I'm planning a full therapeutic rubdown for you tonight...so leave it all on the dance floor."

Eren caught his breath as Levi leaned up and planted a kiss squarely in the middle of his cheek and stepped back, releasing him. He took a shakey step and then turned around to see Levi watching him as though he were the only thing of interest in the room.

"Thanks."

Levi winked at him and Eren turned, plunging out into the cold afternoon, feeling Levi's gaze on his back until he was swallowed up by the storm.


	20. Strip Tease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy V Day my Lovelies, or as some call it, International Singles Awareness Day! Whether you will celebrate the day or not, here is my gift to you. This is out-of-sequence (possibly non-canon to the HP Series) material that takes place almost exactly one year from the current events in His Penance. This RHC fest is dedicated to my PolyAms Ackermans_love_420 , magpiequeen444 , Nanaleedia , and jellie_belles . Sometimes, I feel like you are the only air I breathe. Sometimes, I know you are the only air worth breathing.  
> ☆Enjoy☆  
> ♡DiLo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> R18 Valentines Day Smut Gift

Levi pulled up to  _ Twizzlers _ and frowned. The text from Marie had practically begged him to work an overcrowded club tonight, but his was the only car in the parking lot. He frowned and turned up his collar against the mid-February cold. It was a miracle he was even free on Valentine's day. Eren had a penchant for celebrating meaningless, bullshit, Hallmark Holidays, but magically this year he had unequivocally cancelled all plans, claiming he had signed up for some charity dance performance with some of the other Sirens.

Levi pulled out his phone to check that the date and time of the text was actually for tonight, but sure enough, the door was unlocked when he pulled it open to step out of the night. The lights were on inside the club, but it was completely empty. He walked slowly to the center of the room, toward the main stage and almost flinched when, with the loud knocking sound of the power cutting out, the club went dark. The lights flared back on a moment later, illuminating the main stage. Ymir materialized a few feet away from him, advancing on him from the direction of the dressing rooms. Kiara stood up in the DJ booth next to the stage.

"Good evening, sir! Allow me to welcome you to this evening's  _ special event. _ "

Levi raised an eyebrow at her and his lips twitched into a smile. Neither woman was in her work attire. This was clearly a setup... _ but what...?  _ A sudden flash of inspiration told him  _ exactly _ what this was, and quite embarrassingly, he felt his heart flutter.

"Hmmm, so i'm a charity case, eh?"

Ymir gave him a bright smile and led him up onto the stage, tugging his jacket off his shoulders. A chair had been left on the mirrored surface beside the main pole and she gestured for him to have a seat. She placed his jacket neatly across another chair and walked up behind him, leaning down to whisper in his ear.

"Will you let me restrain you, L? Just play along okay? He's worked really hard to surprise you."

Levi turned around slightly to look into his work colleague's pleading face.

"What is this?"

She smiled back at him.

"It's a surprise.  _ Please _ ?"

Levi sighed and put his arms around the back of the chair. Obviously Eren had arranged this with Ymir and Kiara and even Marie as accomplices. It was kind of cute, really, and he may as well be a good sport. With a savagery he hadn't expected, Ymir used a pair of leather lined handcuffs that she looped around the chair to bind his wrists together. He tested their strength and fought not to roll his eyes.

Ymir tapped him on the shoulder again and smiled.

"We will leave you guys alone now."

She gestured to Kiara who fiddled with the tech console for a moment and flashed him a bright smile. Both women melted away as the lights focused on the center of the stage and a sultry beat pumped through the speakers making the floor vibrate under Levi's boots.

Even if the room had been full of people, he wouldn't have noticed a single one of them, because at that moment Eren stepped out from behind the curtain and onto the main stage, his body wrapped in nothing but bright red ribbons and strips of black leather.

° ☆ °

Eren took a deep breath and paced the length of the dressing room. If he wasn't careful he would chew his lip to ribbons fit to match the ones wrapped around his body. He settled for doing some warm-up squats, once again marveling at how the buttery soft, low-rise leather shorts he was wearing seemed to move with his body instead of constrict him. He should have been buying his dance costumes from strippers all along.

He shook his head and stood, starting to pace again. It had taken him months of sneaking around with Ymir and Kiara to master just a few minutes of a pole routine. He had been a dancer all his life, but he had  _ not _ been prepared for the degree of difficulty involved in pole dancing, or the degree of difficulty involved in avoiding Levi so he could practice. If he hadn't been dancing with the Sirens for a year, he probably wouldn't even have been able to get his feet off the ground. Still, here they were, and he was about 45 seconds away from stepping out onto the stage and completely embarrassing himself. At least Levi would be the only one to see him. He heard the music start pumping and came through to just behind the curtain. Kiara gave him a wink and a thumbs up and then disappeared from the DJ booth.  _ Now or never... _

The lights flashed red and purple and Eren stepped out on the stage, his 'dance face' firmly in place. He swayed his hips as he walked, running one hand up the side of his neck and through his messy hair and the other across the ribbons that crisscrossed his chest. He slowly lifted his eyes and peered at Levi through his lashes. His boyfriend was handcuffed to the chair as he had asked, his pale porcelain skin luminescent in the bizarre lighting. He was clad in his work uniform, black boots and heavy jeans, his SECURITY t-shirt clinging to his body. With his arms secured behind him, his chest and shoulders looked strained and broad and if it hadn't been for a lifetime of training, Eren would have forgotten every single step of his routine. The instinct to crawl to Levi on his hands and knees and beg to be fucked nearly overwhelmed him. He held it back by inches.

Finally he reached the pole and gripped it with his left hand, cocking his hip to the side so he could dip and sway to the pulsing beat of the music. He wrapped himself around the pole in a pirouette and ended in a sitting spin. He arched his back against the floor and maintained eye contact with Levi as he lifted his body and slithered back up the pole, hips first. He walked slowly around and, facing away from Levi, did a straight backed forward stretch, feeling his ass cheeks press against either side of the surprisingly warm metal. He gripped the pole between his legs and slowly lifted his legs into a spread eagle before executing the flip and landing in a split on the mirrored floor.

He raised his arm in a slight flourish and chanced a look at Levi again whose muscles looked like they were going to explode through his skin. Eren could see his chest rise and fall rapidly.

"Eren.... _ fuck..." _

Eren smirked at him seductively and got to his feet, gyrating against the pole again before performing the climbing tricks that made up the middle of his routine. He could feel his body become dewy with sweat underneath the ribbons as he flexed his muscles to control his elbow grip gemini split and brass bridge. He climbed again and rested in a pole sit, gripping the edge of one of the ribbons and pulling it loose so it slowly unraveled from around his body and pooled on the mirrored floor. He could see the muscles in Levi's jaw twitch as he gnashed his teeth. Even Eren couldn't stand it anymore. He slid down and dismounted, sinking to the floor in a side split, rolling through it so he was sprawled out on the floor. He waited for the music to catch up and indulged his earlier desire to crawl to his boyfriend's feet. He swayed his ass in the air and arched his back as he crawled. He stood just in front of Levi, and slid his hands up his body while he pushed his hips back and forth to the beat. Levi's voice was a strangled whine.

"...Eren...Get. The.  _ Fuck _ . Over. Here..."

He bit his lip again and swayed closer, placing his palms on Levi's thighs right above the knee. He smiled with satisfaction at the jolt that seemed to course through his boyfriend's body at  _ finally  _ being touched. He wasn't doing too well either, but he had to hold back. Levi was so selfless in the bedroom, always pampering and teasing him and pushing him to his limits. He would hold back his own gratification for hours while Eren came again and again. He wanted to do that for Levi.

He slipped to his knees and eyed the bulge in Levi's jeans hungrily. He leaned in, careful to keep the beat of the music in mind and caressed the twitching length with the tip of his nose and the side of his smooth jaw. Levi made a noise somewhere between a groan and a growl as Eren stood again and moved over him, his legs spread on either side of Levi's thighs, his hands now braced on Levi's shoulders. He rocked from side to side and then dipped low enough to brush his ass against the seated man's lap. He heard Levi's teeth snap together with an audible click, but he avoided the man's eyes, concentrating now. He repeated the motion, shimmying and rocking for longer with each dip until Levi began to pant again and his head fell back.

" _ Eren...fuck Eren...i'm...Eren I'm gonna..." _

Eren smirked and swirled his hips faster, grinding deeper, drinking in Levi's desperate gasp as, untouched, unkissed he came in his pants. His body shuddered and convulsed as he moaned his orgasm. With his eyes lightly shut and lips slightly parted he looked beautiful and erotic, like a pleasure fantasy fashioned by the desires of a goddess mad with lust. He sagged against the chair, his head falling forward, and Eren allowed him to pillow it against his chest. He settled in Levi's lap for a moment while the older man caught his breath. When he finally lifted his head, the expression on his face was unlike any Eren had ever seen before. The smooth planes of his face were relaxed. His mouth was slack and pleasure drunk, but his eyes...his eyes were dark with purpose that seemed to promise Eren he would pay for the insolence of teasing Levi into losing control.

Levi stirred restlessly underneath him and he quickly brought himself back into performance mode. He kneaded Levi's shoulders roughly and leaned down to whisper in his ear.

"That was good, babe, but we're not quite done yet."

He let the words sink in for a moment and then breathed the next instructions.

"Now you get to unwrap your present."

Levi grunted and sat forward fastening his teeth around the nearest ribbon knot, the one right in the center of Eren's chest and tugged at it until it fell away, the end of it trailing from Levi's mouth. Eren settled more deeply into Levi's lap, making small movements of his hips every now and then to wake Levi's cock out of its refractory period. He was very conscious of his own cock straining against the leather of his shorts and rubbing now and then against Levi's rock hard abs. He had barely held back his own orgasm when Levi was moaning, his body having been trained long ago to release untouched at his boyfriend's pleasure.

There were seven ribbons wrapped around Eren's body in total; two were gone now and Levi worked on the others, using his nose, lips, tongue and teeth to worry the knots and strips of salty skin bare between them. By the time the last binding fell away they were both breathing heavily and Levi was once again hard against Eren's ass. He couldn't help the moan that escaped through his lips when Levi pressed up against him with a rough growl.

"How long do I have to hold back, honey? I want to take you so  _ fucking  _ badly...I am going to fuck the  _ shit _ out of you right on this fucking stage. Just say the word."

Eren's mind scrambled...

He had been planning more teasing, but all of a sudden none of the rest of his routine seemed quite as important as getting impaled by the cock underneath him.

"Th...the key...to the cuffs is in the booth..."

Levi raised an eyebrow at him in answer and Eren gave a shocked yelp as arms encircled him, gripping him tightly and grinding him down. Levi pulled him forward and devoured his mouth in a searing kiss, sucking and tugging on his lips until his whines became high pitched and needy. Eren stared at him with wide eyes when he pulled back, taking note of the metal links dangling from the destroyed cuffs.

"When...? How long have you...?"

Levi smirked at him and his hands roamed Eren's back and slipped down under the waistband of his shorts to grip his supple ass.

"Probably when you did that split against the floor."

"But that was right at the beginning...this whole time you..."

Levi squeezed his ass hard and pressed up more insistently.

"Well you had this all planned out. I didn't want to disappoint you."

Eren squirmed and moaned.

" _ Levi. _ "

"That's right, honey. My name is the only word you need to know."

Eren could see the exact moment Levi's patience ran out, because it was the moment that he literally ripped the shorts right off Eren's body, casting the now two pieces of material aside in a crumpled heap. He released his grip for as long as it took to frantically tear off his shirt and shove his jeans down around his ankles and then his hands were everywhere again, lifting and spreading Eren's ass over his straining erection. He captured Eren's mouth in another deep kiss and shoved the younger man ruthlessly down onto his cock, the only lubrication, the wet cum that still clung to his body from the lap dance.

Eren screamed in pleasure, his head flung back to expose his throat to Levi's mouth. He chanted his boyfriend's name in panting gasps as he rode his cock, not too far gone to give up on the driving desire to pleasure the man underneath him. Levi gasped under him, gritting his teeth.

" _ Fuck! So tight, Eren. How are you so fucking tight? You are driving me fucking crazy." _

Eren was too lost to answer. Levi was moving inside his body. He was completely surrounded and loving every fucking second of it. He climbed higher and higher, his body squeezing tighter around Levi's thickness until he felt it start to convulse, forcing its milk into his passage. He fastened his lips to Levi's, swallowing his orgasm and sobbing his own, as his cum splashed between them.

The men collapsed together, shivering and shuddering from the aftermath of the intensity of their orgasms. Eren felt boneless as he lay against Levi's chest, snuggled against his neck. He would have felt cold from the drying sweat on his naked back, but Levi's warm palms caressed him lazily. Eren struggled to sit up and looked into Levi's blissed out face. He pecked him softly on the lips.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Levi. I love you."

Levi gazed at him contentedly, his starlight colored eyes shining.

"As I love you, Eren. Thank you...for all this."

Eren grinned and pressed their foreheads together, inhaling Levi's exhalations...feeling more at one with him than he had in a long time. Eren savored the moment, locking it away for the long lonely nights he knew were coming when Levi accepted his commission.

"I would do anything for you."

For tonight though, and for the next few months, they could be together, with nothing between them but passion and love.

Levi sighed as they got to their feet and gathered their things. Preparing to shut down the club, he trailed after Eren to the dressing room.

"If I had known we were celebrating, I would have gotten you something."

Eren turned to him, still only half dressed and wrapped his arms around Levi's shoulders.

"You've already given me everything, but I can take a lot more...all night if I have to."

And he did have to. Until it was well past Valentine's Day altogether.


	21. Taken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to the story!

"Eren! Hey Eren!" 

Eren jerked his head around to find Jean rushing to catch up with him and it sent a spasm of pain shooting up his neck. It wasn't a great struggle to slow his pace. He had just dragged himself out of the third round of Siren auditions and he felt like he had sprained every muscle in his entire body. He was honestly debating asking Jean to carry him the rest of the way when his brother caught up with him. 

"What's up, Bojack?"

Jean rolled his eyes.

"You look like shit! What happened?"

Eren shrugged and winced. 

"Dance."

Jean nodded sagely and it made Eren smile. 

"Right. Uh...I was hoping I could talk to you for a minute. Maybe...over some coffee?"

Eren raised an eyebrow at him, but was grateful for the shorter pilgrimage to the coffee cart. It was closer than his dorm. Maybe the caffeine would convince his legs to move again. 

"I know I don't have to remind you that I'm taken, Kirschtein."

Jean laughed nervously. Now Eren's curiosity was really piqued. 

"You like salted caramel, right?"

Eren didn't really, but Jean looked so keyed up he let it ride. He nodded and decided to wait patiently. Jean would spill his guts when he was good and ready. The only person who could rein him in was Marco, and the other half of the duo was nowhere to be seen. 

Jean delivered Eren his Salted Caramel Mocha and sat across from him, toying with his own coffee cup. 

"So I wanted to talk to you about something kinda ... sensitive ... about ... um...Mikasa."

Eren narrowed his eyes but kept his expression neutral. He had forbidden Armin from speaking about what went down on Christmas. Armin and Eren's parents were the only people who knew about Mikasa's hand in the events of that night and not another living soul knew about her confession. Since they returned to school Eren had found it easier than he thought he would to avoid her. She seemed to be giving him space, which he appreciated. When her absence  _ did _ come up he let Armin deal with it. 

"I um...was wondering if you would mind if I … asked her out."

Eren rolled his eyes.

"Dude, it's not like she's my ex. Mikasa has her own life, do whatever you want."

Eren's stomach dipped as his unthinking words reminded him of Mikasa's confession. He wished he could just bleach his brain. As much as he had tried to hold on to his anger, he did find himself missing his  _ sister _ . But he didn't have a  _ sister _ anymore. If what she had said to him was true, he never had one to begin with. 

Jean was nodding, but he still looked very uneasy.

"Are you sure? I'm not really such an intuitive guy, but I know there is something weird going on between the two of you."

_ You don't know the half of it... _

Eren could feel the ghost of his anger bubble up inside him. If she had been talking shit behind his back…

"What did she say, Jean?"

Jean sat back, surprised by his intensity. 

"Whoah, nothing! I mean that's how I kinda know something's up. She hasn't mentioned you once. Seriously. I just...I think I really like her, man. But if you don't want me to date your sister...I...I'll back off."

For about ten whole seconds Eren considered telling Jean to fuck off and leave Mikasa alone, but...his pledge brother's interest was not really out of nowhere. He could actually see the two of them together...at least the Mikasa he knew  _ before _ .  _ He _ would never stand between two people who wanted to be together. Unlike  _ some _ people he knew. Eren sighed and arranged his face in a smile.

"No. You don't have to back off. It's really fine. You can ask her out, date her, whatever. I mean it."

Jean's face lit up like a Christmas tree and it made Eren smile genuinely for the first time in the conversation. 

"You really mean it? Thanks, Yeager, you really  _ are _ the man!"

"Yeah, yeah...I'm the man…"

Jean hopped up from his chair excitedly and gripped Eren by the shoulder. He muttered an excited 'see you later' and was gone. Eren chuckled to himself, rolling his eyes again as he drained his coffee cup. He stood up to continue his walk home and landed with an unceremonious thud on the tile floor.

Jean had distracted him so completely, he forgot his legs weren't working at the moment. 

_ Well, fuck. _

° ☆ °

Mikasa scanned the same page in her textbook for the fourth time before she snapped it shut and got up to pace the common room. She considered going back to her room, but her self imposed exile was to avoid Connie and Sasha making goo goo eyes at each other and planning their Valentine's date, which she would have struggled with on a good day. Not that she had had many of those since Christmas; good days, that is. She took a deep breath and crossed the room so she could sit on the windowsill over looking the dorm community grounds. Snow flurries danced on the wind in the gathering twilight. It would have been quite beautiful if it didn't reflect the stark loneliness in her soul.

It made her miss Eren. But  _ everything _ made her miss Eren.

She missed him all the time, but over the last month, her agony had dulled into a constant ache of misery that she realized she would just have to get used to. She went over and over their last conversation in her mind, reliving each horrifying moment. Regretting every word she spoke. She thought about calling Armin...but though he had declared himself neutral, she knew deep down that he only held surface allegiance for her.

The boys had always been close, but pledging ARO changed them. Now they had other loyalties that she just couldn't understand. She tried to muster up the energy to hate the Fraternity or hate  _ Levi  _ specifically, but she was all 'hated' out. She recognized too late that it was  _ she  _ who was the villain of this story. Levi had been her unwitting target. Her family was collateral damage.

Eren had been true to his word, at least. Though Armin was aware of the reason behind their falling out- her orchestration of the Christmas dinner disaster- Eren had not breathed a word of her subsequent confession. Everyone who knew about Christmas was already horrified. If they knew her deeper reason, that horror would turn to revulsion. Still, deep down, she had never expected it to go on this long. Eren hadn't spoken to her since New Year's Eve. Loneliness ate at her, hollowing out the inside of her body. She had to find some way to break his silence.

A tall, lanky figure strode across the snow in front of the dorm building and her heart leapt, causing her head to pound painfully. So few things excited her anymore, it was almost a shock to her system. The person was headed for the main entrance, which meant they would walk right past her. Eren had avoided her like the plague, and she made it easy by hardly ever leaving her room. Maybe this was Fate telling her it was time to try again.

She positioned herself slightly out of view of the doors. A blast of frigid air and flurries accompanied the man into the room where he paused to unwind several scarves, and remove his hood and his hat. She started to step forward and her heart plummeted straight to the pit of her stomach.

"Hi...Jean."

Jean looked confused for a moment and then smiled brightly at Mikasa as he continued to loosen his jacket. The RA's liked to keep the dorms at around a thousand degrees when it was cold, so anyone coming in from outside would feel instantly like they were walking across the surface of the sun.

"Mikasa! Hi...how have you been?  _ Where _ have you been?"

She was about to turn away in defeat, but the warmth in Jean's eyes was hard to look away from. She thought she might have seen it there before, a thousand years ago, before she ruined her life. She had just been too preoccupied with Eren to notice.

"I...I've been sick."

Jean frowned, his brown eyes sympathetic and expressive. He really was quite similar to Eren in a lot of ways...anyone could have mistaken them.

"Do you have a fever? You can never be too careful in the winter."

He stripped off his gloves and extended a long fingered hand slowly towards her face, pausing until she nodded her consent. He gently flattened the back of his palm against her forehead and narrowed his eyes in concentration.

Mikasa knew instantly that his temperature gauging was off. His hands were too cold from the outside and she was too warm from the inside for such a method to be remotely accurate. Yet, she stayed still. She even closed her eyes slightly, playing along. She let the coolness of his hand seep into her body and reboot her system. Kindness, care, gentleness ...she soaked them in like a parched riverbed.

When he finally withdrew, she missed his touch.

He grinned at her.

"I'm sorry, everything is going to feel warm to me right now, if it were up to me, I'd say immediate hospitalization was in order."

He shrugged.

"But you definitely don't look sick. You...you look beautiful."

His face reddened and he glanced at the textbook on the table by the window. It wasn't difficult to deduce it was hers, she was the only person in the room.

"I'm here to visit...Connie, which means I'm probably going in your direction. If you're done studying, we could go back to the room together. Unless you're waiting for someone else?"

The look of uncertainty in his eyes was really quite sweet.

_ Only a person who will never come. So what's the point in waiting, then? _

"No. No there is no one else...I guess I was waiting for you."

° ☆ °

Eren ran the indoor track that looked down on the racquetball and squash cubes, pounding his feet into the springy surface with a vengeance. He didn't particularly care for running, but he needed an out for his rage and the gym hour requirement he still had to meet this week didn't specify that he had to use the  _ actual  _ gym.

And he wasn't going anywhere  _ fucking  _ near it today.

It would have been bad enough that Levi had missed Valentine's Day- which purely coincidentally happened to be their six-month anniversary- for an ROTC training module. But when a dozen pledges showed up in the hallway outside his dorm room singing a Valentine's Serenade, during the time when literally  _ everyone  _ was either getting ready for their romantic night out or anti night in, he felt like he was going to die of embarrassment. He had to admit, the pledges did a lovely serenade and the dozen roses, Godiva chocolates, and cute little bear clutching a pink heart were a nice touch- or at least they  _ would  _ have been  _ if he was Levi's fucking girlfriend. _

He sprinted half a mile and folded against his knees to catch his breath as sweat poured off his forehead. It wasn't so much that he didn't want to face the pledges. They knew he was pissed off and had already suffered enough through two weeks of pledging to know how much worse he could make it for them. It was the  _ other _ brothers he didn't want to face. Their teasing and snide comments weren't really a big deal, but he was  _ really fucking sensitive _ about the whole issue and just didn't want to deal with it.

He slammed into the locker room desperate for a shower, planning on completely ignoring the brothers and pledges changing their clothes. It would have worked too, if it hadn't been  _ Levi _ he came face to face with. His boyfriend eyed him warily, taken in his appearance and aggressive demeanor. Clearly someone must have prepared him for the situation.

" _ Levi _ ."

Eren imbued all of his feelings into that one word. The few pledges and brothers still changing either put their heads down or fled the room. Levi responded to him carefully, clearly assessing the threat. It soothed Eren's ego a bit that he was being taken seriously. Unfortunately for him, his rage caused tears to clog the back of his throat. He forced them down.

"How could you  _ do _ that to me?"

Levi sighed.

"I didn't  _ do _ anything Eren. I don't know who put you on the list, but I plan on finding out. The pledges already know they are going to be punished."

"That's  _ not the point _ , Levi!"

His boyfriend shrugged.

"Then what's the point? Everyone knows we're a couple. If it wasn't a practical joke then it was an easy enough mistake for the pledges to make on their own."

"And you don't see the problem with that?"

"Why would I?"

"You weren't the one who got serenaded!"

Levi smirked at him, his composure finally breaking.

"Was it romantic?"

Eren huffed out a breath, not ready to find it funny yet.

"Great thanks, Levi."

"Come on Eren, I wasn't even on campus, maybe they might have."

Eren looked at him, disbelief etched on his face. He could just imagine a group of terrified pledges trying not to die of hysterical fright while singing their PledgeMaster a Sweetheart Serenade. He had to admit it was a funny image. Which only pissed him off more.

"I  _ know _ you weren't. I  _ know _ it's not your fault, but they  _ never _ would have done it anyway. I just don't like how everyone automatically assumes I'm the bitch in this relationship."

Levi raised his eyebrows in surprise but wisely kept his lips pressed together. He didn't really have to say anything...his expression said it all.

Eren turned around in frustration and started stripping for the shower. His sweat soaked clothes were starting to stiffen in uncomfortable places. He flinched slightly when Levi appeared next to him.  _ Why does he always have to move so fucking quietly? _

"Eren. Look at me, please."

Eren looked up, sulkily, pausing before he took off his shorts. He didn't miss that Levi ran his eyes appreciatively across his naked upper body before looking at his face.

"Nobody thinks you're a bitch. I'm older than you and I'm in a position of authority over more than half of these guys. Plus, I hear I'm kind of intimidating. That would be hard for anyone to compete with,  _ even you _ ."

Eren leaned against the cold locker considering Levi's words.

"Besides, none of them know how easy it is for you to get me on my knees. But  _ you  _ do. Isn't that enough?"

The dark sensuality lacing Levi's words made Eren reflexively swallow the saliva that had started to pool in his mouth. Levi had never balked at servicing him in bed or drinking his cum- even though Eren had told him it wasn't necessary. He couldn't deny the truth in any of Levi's words, even if the reality of the situation hurt his pride. There was really no helping it. Eren couldn't dominate Levi publicly  _ or _ privately and he didn't particularly want to. He tried not to mention what was  _ actually _ bothering him, but the words tumbled out in a miserable whisper.

"It was our six month anniversary."

Levi frowned, clearly trying to do the math.

"I I mean, I thought of it that way since that first meeting in the basement of 59 was on the 14th. And...and that's kind of when this all started."

Levi cocked his head to the side, unconvinced.

"Honey, if you want Valentine's day to mean something, I will try to make myself care about that...but it's not our anniversary."

It was Eren's turn to frown. Levi lifted his hand and stroked the pad of his thumb across Eren's lips.

"The first time you had these beautiful lips around my cock was on September twenty ninth. The first time you took me inside your tight, sexy ass, was on October thirty first. The day we became an official couple was December tenth...which was also the first time you told me you love me and the first time I said it back. So, if it's all the same to you, I would prefer to think of  _ that _ as our anniversary. But, If you want to, we can add September fourteenth to the list, since the first day I laid my eyes on you in a thousand years is not something I want to ever forget."

Eren felt like he was going to melt into a puddle right there on the locker room floor. He was so overwhelmed with emotion he could barely speak. As it was, he could do naught but whisper.

"December tenth is fine."

Levi smiled at him and pulled him into a soft kiss before physically stepping back and putting some distance between.

"Good. Now go take a shower, brat, you fucking reek. I'll wait for you outside."

Eren nodded and watched him go, unable to take a breath until he was alone in the locker room. He tried to remember why he had been so pissed off before, but really now that he thought about it, the whole situation was kind of funny and it basically made sense. People thinking he was submissive to Levi really wasn't mental aerobics.  _ Everyone  _ was submissive to Levi. And though he might not show it nearly enough to satisfy Eren's insecurities, Levi truly, deeply loved him. He couldn't wipe the dreamy smile off his face through his entire shower or when he walked out of the locker room to find Levi waiting for him.

It was still firmly in place when they walked out into the moonlit night, hand in hand.


	22. RPYU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week's installment is very long- more two chapters than one, but I have smushed them together for your reading pleasure. We finally get to meet a lovely Original Character, Austin, who has been on my mind for a while, so I hope you enjoy him.

Cheerful noise swirled around the interior of the new Student Union. Spring Rush was in full swing and the denizens of Greek Life had taken over the food court. Dozens of Fraternity and Sorority pledges flitted between tables packed with letter sweatshirts, just making an appearance now that the worst of the winter was over.

Eren blew a stray hair off his forehead and rested his chin on his palm trying not to look bored and irritated. The struggle was real. A few tables away sat Eren's squad, laughing and joking, enjoying lunch. He could probably have joined them, but a few recent additions made the table a bit crowded. It was now more of a couples table than a squad hangout. Connie and Sasha had been joined in "coupledom" by Armin and Ymir (who both insisted they weren't dating, but were almost never seen apart,) and Jean and Mikasa (who admitted they were dating, but were almost never seen together.) He almost felt bad for Marco, the only singleton in the group, but the Freckled Jesus was all his usual soft smiles and seemed unperturbed by Jean's attention to his new girlfriend.

The guys tried to beg and bully him into joining the table, but even though he'd developed a certain numb tolerance for being around Mikasa in public, he preferred it in small doses. Sitting across a table from her was still too much. The other complication was that Levi flat out refused to sit with them. Levi made it clear that he didn't mind in the least if Eren sat with his friends, but they barely saw each other as it was, so it went against every instinct he possessed to be in his boyfriend's vicinity and not as close to him as was possible and appropriate.

Eren tried to suppress his disappointment with the current situation, but he knew he was being irrational. Levi's schedule was similar to what it had been when they started sleeping together. He had to somehow find time for classwork, ROTC, his part time job, and a new Pledge Class. Even though Eren had Siren practice and Fraternity responsibilities now, the transition to no longer being a pledge meant he had loads of free time. Free time he had hoped to be spending with Levi, that he was now spending by himself.  _ Unless _ he sat beside him at lunch or was crawling into his bed at night (always  _ his _ bed...after being walked in on last semester, Levi wouldn't do anything sexual in Eren's dorm.)

One thing Eren had  _ not _ anticipated was how he would be viewed by Levi's social circle. ARO was one of the largest Greek organizations on campus, with 87 active members, not including the current semester's pledge class (for the few weeks between Spring Hell Night and Graduation, they would have over a hundred). Which meant that even though Eren had to learn about all the brothers during his process, it would have been impossible to know them all. The upperclassmen had little to do with the pledges (unless they wanted to-which most of them didn't,) since they also had fewer responsibilities than the younger members, which gave the freshmen fewer opportunities to get to know them.

His contact with Levi had been so limited when he was a pledge, that Eren didn't realize how popular his boyfriend was, despite the fact that he didn't bother to encourage it. Levi was a silent magnet for the other Beta Sigmas or fellow members of the Executive board. His pledge class was still strong, even as a group of second semester Juniors. Not a single Beta Sigma had disaffiliated in three years. Eren didn't have any reason to dislike the guys, necessarily. Individually they had always been nice and inclusive during the process. As a group, though, they seemed to at best, ignore him as completely insignificant, or at worst, tolerate him as some sort of pet. None of them spoke to him directly or included him in the conversation (which was mostly in-jokes or references to things that happened when he was still in high school.)

Occasionally younger brothers involved with the pledges sat with them (like Moblit and Peter) and they spoke to Eren, but even  _ they _ were not well tolerated by the upperclassmen. The only person beside Levi who treated Eren with something approaching a human level of respect was Erwin... when he wasn't completely distracted by Annie.

When he first started sitting with them, Eren had done his charismatic best to join the conversations, but his efforts had been met with...not hostility, exactly, but certainly with an awkward lack of interest that glossed over any contribution he tried to make. In response, he mostly never spoke unless he was spoken to (which was pretty much never.)

Levi's presence made it both better and worse. He didn't really speak to Eren (not that he spoke much to anyone) but he was always touching him in some way (holding his hand, rubbing his back or thigh, sitting with an arm over his shoulder) which the younger man relished. These visual reminders kept the other brothers from being too hard on him, but Levi didn't put himself out to defend him when they did get particularly disparaging. Eren could genuinely not decide if Levi agreed with their behavior or if it just didn't bother him and he felt stupid bringing it up. Levi wasn't the type of guy to suffer 'pussy-wimps' and after making such a big deal recently about not being a bitch, he had no idea how to address his hurt feelings.

Following ValentinesGate, after being awake for 72 hours and sorting about twenty thousand Orbeez, one of the Beta Psi finally cracked and admitted that one of Levi's fellow Beta Sigma's had put Eren on the serenade list. Levi promised he would handle the situation but Eren never heard another word about it, except for some snide murmurs from the brothers in question about Neophytes not knowing their place. When he did mention it to Levi, his boyfriend shrugged it off or rolled his eyes, agreeing that they were dicks, but clearly not seeing what the big deal was. In this as well, it seemed to Eren that Levi didn't pursue it because he found it as  _ absolutely fucking hilarious _ as his friends did.

Eren stood abruptly. Levi looked at him curiously. His boyfriend had been rubbing circles in the small of his back and had been dislodged when he stood without warning. Eren bit his lip and mumbled, "bathroom," before skulking off toward the lobby. He sighed miserably and wandered aimlessly. The New Union was designed with a large semi-circular domed lobby that had spokes leading off in different directions. To the left of the main doors was the large beautiful atrium that housed the food court and seating area. The multi-level Paradis University book store sat in the center behind a staircase that lead to the below ground levels of the building. A large open staircase lead up to the right to another exit and the upper floors, which housed facility offices, shops, and club rooms. The bathrooms were on the far side of the lobby, nestled between the bookstore entrance and the bottom of the main stairs.

Student organizations frequently set up tables around the periphery of the lobby area, to advertise club meetings and special events. Eren and his pledge brothers were no stranger to "tabling." It was boring, but less labor intensive than other pledge activities and had the added bonus of being close to both a food source and a bathroom- which weren't always a given when you were pledging. Eren was considering actually going to the bathroom to kill some time when a flyer was thrust under his nose.

"Hey, got a minute, Yeager?"

Eren frowned in confusion and looked up into a pair of light brown eyes. He took the brightly colored flyer and looked at the man curiously. Even as friendly as he was, Eren wasn't use to strangers being so familiar with him. And the man  _ was _ a stranger. He was maybe an inch or so shorter than Eren and on the skinnier side of decently built. His most prominent feature was his long blonde dreadlocks. Along with his sunkissed tan, he looked like he had been plucked right off the Venice beach boardwalk and traded his surfboard for a stack of flyers.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

The man smiled and shuffled his flyers around to extend his hand.

"Sorry no, but I thought it would get your attention. Austin."

"Eren. How did you...?"

"Ahh, I table here at least once a week, and you ARO guys wear your names on your sweats."

Eren nodded.  _ Of course _ . Austin seemed like a nice enough guy and it was actually refreshing to be conversing with someone who wasn't irritating him at the moment.

"Right. Sorry, I'm really distracted. I do have a minute actually. What's your club?"

Austin gestured to the table banner that Eren realized matched the flyer in his hand. The rainbow colored letters RPYU on a pale blue background. He bit his lip trying not to get angry at this innocent bystander who didn't know him from adam.  _ Am I that flamboyant that I'm even being pegged by total strangers?  _ Any other day he would have smiled politely but he was so on edge he felt like he was about to crack.

Austin frowned at his darkening expression.

"We're the Rainbow Pride Youth Union. I thought you might be interested-"

"And why is  _ that _ ?"

Austin cocked head to the side and smiled innocently, making Eren instantly feel bad for being an asshole.

"Listen man, no need to get all defensive. I thought you were  _ out _ . I've seen you with your... boyfriend? ... around here a lot. I honestly thought it was pretty awesome to see a gay couple in Greek Letters. It's not something you see every day. I apologize if I read that wrong."

He started to turn away but Eren stopped him.

"No...wait, i'm sorry. That was really fucking out of line of me. I'm just so stressed out lately. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

Eren glanced over his shoulder toward the food court, his eyes infallibly finding Levi who was now standing and tossing his coffee cup in the trash. When he looked back, Austin was smiling.

"Say no more. Relationships can be stressful."

Eren shared a conspiratorial smile.

"Ugh. Yeah, tell me about it. I just...sorry you don't need my life story."

Austin brushed his dreads off his shoulder. The wooden beads adorning some of the locks clacked together gently.

"Actually I think I would like that very much. We are having informationals all this week. The details are on the flyer. You should drop in. Bring your boyfriend too."

Eren folded the flyer over and stuck it in his back pocket. Austin's smile was infectious and Eren flashed him a genuine grin, feeling his discontent drain away. He didn't notice the other man blink.

"Ahh yeah I'll think about it. It was nice meeting you, Austin. Thanks."

He also didn't notice the other man watch him just a little too long as he walked over to where Levi was waiting for him with his jacket and messenger bag.

° ☆ °

Winter was slowly melting. It dripped and streamed off of Paradis County in little rivulets and larger streams that washed away the stale grime of dormancy and left new life in its wake. The denizens of Paradis University were coming alive as well. Students spent more time outside, chancing to wear sweaters and light jackets instead of thick winter coats. It was in this spirit of renewal that Mikasa decided to thaw her winter of regret.

° ☆ °

Levi ran the towel over his hair again, tousling it dry to the best of his ability. It had reached a balmy 59° on campus this afternoon, but the setting sun brought back the colder temperatures and he had no desire to freeze to death between the gym and his shitty parking spot in the lot next to the science complex. He toyed with the idea of sending one of the pledges (or even one of the Squad leaders) to fetch his car. He knew the desire to curry his favor would be universal...but still he was reticent; he hated when people drove his princess.

He regretted his decision instantly when he was hit by an Arctic gust of wind upon exiting the building.  _ Fuck it _ . He turned to head back inside and found himself face to face with someone he knew...and disliked. Eren's harpy of a sister stood facing him, her face nearly obscured by a bright red scarf that undulated in the wind. At least her long, tan coat looked warm.

"Levi."

Levi frowned.  _ So this isn't a coincidence, then. _

"Well, look who knows my name. Gold star."

Her face wasn't so hidden that he couldn't see her roll her eyes. Levi was about to walk away, but his curiosity kept him rooted to the spot. Something was going on between Eren and his sister, and for once, his boyfriend chose to completely clam up instead of talking his ear off about it. Not that Levi didn't appreciate the silence, but it seemed  _ off _ . Eren had obsessed for weeks over getting him and Mikasa to see eye to eye and then somehow, overnight, it was as if she never existed. Eren didn't strike him as the type of person to make such a decision lightly...especially when it came to family. The whole situation was just  _ wrong _ . Levi would have pursued it, but he could tell that his boyfriend didn't want to talk about it and chose to respect his privacy. He had also lost a sister recently...and he didn't want to talk about it either.

"Can we have a conversation...please?"

Levi was about to lead the way back inside, but Mikasa shook her head.

"In private."

Levi looked around with wide eyes.

"Well I'm not fucking standing out here and freezing to death. Come with me."

Mikasa walked next to him silently as he lead the way to his car. He wondered if she was going to start speaking but wasn't surprised when she didn't. If a nearly deserted gym was too crowded for whatever she wanted to talk about, she probably wouldn't speak about it outside. They climbed into the Prius and Levi turned the heat on full blast at once, not caring if the engine had a chance to heat up; his hair felt stiff enough to crack. Mikasa unwound her scarf as the car started to heat and stared straight ahead warming her hands on the grill in front of her.

"Any day now, Scarf girl. I'm picking Eren up from Siren practice in twenty minutes...and something tells me you don't want to run into him."

Mikasa looked at him and blinked hard as though to steel herself. She nodded.

"I owe you an apology."

Levi nearly groaned in frustration. He honestly didn't understand women at all.  _ She needed privacy to say that? _ Mikasa seemed to notice and stumbled on,

"I did something horrible to you...and I need you to know the truth. I...don't like you. I've never liked you. I've always felt like you weren't good for Eren and it...pissed me off to see you together."

Levi was surprised at her honesty. He knew this wasn't really what she was apologizing for, he knew all this already, but he didn't expect her to ever say it out loud.

"When you were at our house...I...saw the two of you having sex."

Levi looked at her sharply but her eyes were squeezed shut. He couldn't blame her...it was fucking awkward.

"It...it messed with my head. I might have gone a little crazy, I don't know, but I became obsessed with getting rid of you and so I...tracked down your...your f...the Ackermans."

By the time she reached his name her voice was barely above a whisper. She sped ahead, her voice panicked now, perhaps at the thought that he would interrupt her confession. He couldn't have if he wanted to. His entire body was in lockdown.

"I had no idea they were so horrible. I...I manipulated Carla into inviting them and keeping everything a secret. She thought you wanted to see them and Eren knew  _ nothing _ . I thought it would be a nice reunion and they would insist you come back home with them. That's all I wanted. And I'm sorry. I am  _ so so sorry _ that I was the cause of a-a-all that...that  _ horribleness _ . I am truly, deeply sorry that I did something so despicable."

It was Levi's turn to shut his eyes as Mikasa fell silent. It took effort but he unlocked his fingers one by one from where they had wrapped around the steering wheel and unclenched his jaw. The initial shock of having someone bring up that night was slowly ebbing. When he could finally think clearly, he searched himself carefully, not yet sure how he was going to respond.

He had known from the start that Eren had nothing to do with his family's appearance. Honestly that evening, Eren had done absolutely everything right. A small knot that had lodged in his chest unraveled at the realization that Carla had been manipulated by someone she trusted and did not bear the blame for the situation. He liked Carla and the whole situation had tarnished her image in his mind. He was glad for the opportunity to shine it up again.

He felt very far from the emotions of that night and didn't really care to rip them open at the moment. The fallout from that night had been catastrophic for Levi in more ways than one. It had supplied him with information concerning his parents that he had never known, he discovered he had actual living relatives, and he learned of Zoe's betrayal. Out of everything, losing his best friend was the worst. But none of it was Mikasa's fault, not really. He would have found it all out eventually, whether from Zoe herself or from some equally histrionic family display when he finally saw Kenny and company again. Clearly  _ his uncle  _ was tired of hiding the truth.

He remembered dimly wanting to push his sexual relationship with Eren in his sister's face...the irony was that all this craziness had come from their desire to be  _ discreet.  _ His mouth was open to tell Mikasa that he wasn't angry...and that all the shit that went down wasn't her fault, but an errant thought struck him and he voiced it.

"Why tell me this now? What is your motive? Clearly Eren found out what you did and that's caused this...falling out between the two of you. If you think I'm going to help you figure that shit out or convince Eren to forgive you, you're shit out of luck.  _ I _ don't get involved in other people's family disputes."

Mikasa looked at him sharply.

"That's not...Eren has  _ nothing _ to do with this. I would  _ never _ ask you to do that. I really just wanted to apologize. I...I know you have no reason to believe this...but I'm actually a nice person... and...I hate myself for what I did. I just...go a little crazy when it comes to Eren."

Levi huffed out a mirthless laugh. He knew that feeling all too well. He could hardly blame her. In fact, he could hardly blame her for any of it. He couldn't blame her for loving Eren, or for hating him. He certainly couldn't blame her for what she didn't know about his family. He couldn't even blame her for thinking he wasn't good enough for Eren.  _ He _ didn't think he was good enough for Eren. They honestly had more in common than either of them realized.

"I know that feeling."

The tension drained from the atmosphere and Levi turned to face Mikasa, who was already looking at him.

"I accept your apology. It was pretty fucking decent, so whatever. I don't...hate you or anything, either, so...I guess if you and Eren ever work shit out, we'll be cool."

Mikasa pressed her lips together and they twitched into a smile. Levi couldn't really see in the gathering gloom, but he doubted that her smile reached her eyes. She and Eren would have a long road ahead if she ever wanted him to trust her again...and Levi had a feeling that  _ his _ family drama wasn't the only thing coming between them.  _ Either way, it's none of my business. _

He glanced at the clock and frowned, realizing that if he didn't leave the lot in the next five minutes, he was going to be late.

"Ahh, can I drop you off anywhere?"

Mikasa shook her head and sighed.

"No...it's okay, I want to walk. Thanks for talking to me, Levi, you are cooler than I thought."

Levi's lips twitched.

"Don't go getting all romantic on me, Harpy."

Mikasa flashed him a genuine grin this time and opened the car door.

"Not a chance, Midget."

They both chuckled and Mikasa got out of the car, shutting the door behind her. By the time Levi pulled out of the parking lot, she had already disappeared into the night, a bright flash of red in the darkness.


	23. No Interest

Rain fell against the window pain, its strong steady beat creating a somber, amniotic tranquility in Levi's bedroom.

Sweat cooled on Eren's skin as he lay panting on top of the blanket, staring at the shadows on the ceiling cast by the rain pouring around the street lamp outside the window. He and Levi had both worn condoms tonight, or his lazing about the bed would not have been tolerated.

Usually Levi would have been laying next to him...or across him, enjoying the intimate chrysalism of such a night, but before they even finished, the Squad leaders popped into the suite for an impromptu meeting. Of course they  _ had _ finished, but it was with the knowledge that Levi would spend the afterglow somewhere else...and that Eren wouldn't get any aftercare at all. 

Aftercare wasn't something he had really needed until lately. Levi's aloofness in public seemed to have an inverse effect on when they were in private. He was growing steadily more aggressive in bed and didn't seem to realize that meant Eren would require a little more attention when they were done. He had barely paused long enough before getting up to untie Eren's arms. 

Not that Eren didn't enjoy it.

It was hard to complain about the best sex he had ever had in his life...but deep down...his discontent was growing. He shivered and dragged himself out of bed, switching on the bathroom light to survey the damage. Stinging bruises were already starting to form under the red rings created by him struggling against the raspy ropes that restrained his upper arms. The typical bondage ropes one could order online were specially made to be smooth. The ones he bought for  _ their _ play were the coarse ones from Home Depot. They hurt more. 

Eren surveyed the marks and the bites on his shoulder and inner thigh with detached satisfaction. It wasn't enough, not nearly, but it would do. He didn't have much cleaning to do so he settled for freshening up and washing his face. His back and hips ached and he felt a sharp twinge when he moved.  _ Nothing I can't handle. I should be fine for Siren practice tomorrow… _

His thoughts trailed off as he inwardly cursed his lack of foresight. He tried to avoid being too marked up on practice days.  _ Another week of long-sleeves, then. _ He hobbled back into the bedroom and rummaged through the closet for one of his favorite 'boyfriend sweaters.' It took longer than it should have to get the soft, maroon colored top over his head and pull on the pair of pyjama pants he kept at Levi's. 

Eren bit his lip as he sat down on the bed. He didn't know why, but it seemed like he was always moved to have difficult conversations with his boyfriend when it was raining. Maybe it was the melancholy sound of the rain. He had been feeling so lonely lately and he really had nobody to talk about it with. The guys were busy with their girlfriends...Mikasa was...still a sore subject...and he and his mom were not really back to where they had been before the holidays.

He saw a lot of friend potential in Ymir and some of the other Sirens, but everything was very new and he was still feeling them out; not to mention that as much as he liked her, Ymir was Levi's friend first. He had no idea whether or not things said to  _ her _ would find their way back to  _ him.  _ Besides, he knew what he needed. He needed  _ Levi _ . He needed his boyfriend to spend more time with him and be more focused on their relationship regardless of how busy he was. He needed him to  _ make _ time. He just had no idea how he was going to ask him to do that. 

Eren was just settling back on the bed when Levi came in and sat down at his desk, shuffling some papers around. He didn't even look up. Eren bit his lip, not for the first time feeling completely useless. When his boyfriend was busy like this, it became painfully clear how redundant Eren was for anything but sex. He hated feeling so insecure and  _ incidental _ . It only made it worse that his boyfriend looked like he walked off the pages of a magazine.

_ Levi is just so sexy all the time, it really isn't fair! _ When he got up from the bed he had pulled on his ever-present black athletic shorts and a grey Janis Joplin t-shirt. Both articles of clothing clung to his body utterly unfairly and his fringe fell lazily across his forehead. 

For the hundredth time in the last five minutes Eren started to talk himself out of opening his mouth. He would be  _ fucking stupid _ to mess things up with Levi right now...after everything. If he got annoying enough Levi might back off even more, which would be a  _ total _ disaster. But he had to say  _ something _ . The question was... _ what _ ? 

Eren toyed with the overlong sleeve of his sweater trying to figure out exactly how he was going to phrase what he wanted to express. 

_ 'Hey Levi, you've grown even more distant than usual and the neediness that eats me alive on a daily basis is starting to feel really uncomfortable.' Right. Perfect. Fuck.' _

When had Eren become that guy? He didn't like being  _ that  _ guy. He knew Levi wouldn't like it either. The brightly colored flyer he had been carrying around for a few days caught his eye from where his bag spilled its contents slightly across Levi's desk. It struck him with inspiration. If he was inviting Levi to an actual event, it wouldn't sound like he was just desperate for attention. 

"Uhm, hey babe?" 

Levi looked up from the sheaf of papers he was rifling through. The remaining Beta Psi pledges. This early in the process, the stack of papers was still thick. Eren had never imagined that being PledgeMaster was so much work, seeing it from the inside was a revelation. 

"I was thinking of going to this thing and I was wondering if you'd like to check it out with me."

Levi raised an eyebrow sardonically, pursing his perfectly shaped lips.

"You're gonna have to be a little more specific than that, brat."

"Yeah, you're right, sorry. It's a club I was thinking of joining...the RPYU."

Levi widened his eyes comically and looked at him like he was slow. It hadn't occurred to Eren that Levi might not know the acronym, maybe his high school in Marley didn't have a chapter; he was encouraged by Levi's modicum of interest. He slid gingerly off the bed and snatched the rainbow colored flyer out of his bag, smoothing it against his leg before laying it out on the desk. 

Levi looked over the flyer and made a face before turning back to his paperwork.

"No thanks."

Eren frowned, taken aback by both the look and the response. Even if Levi wasn't interested in the actual event, shouldn't he have spent more than eight seconds deciding he didn't want to do something together? 

"What? Why not?"

Levi didn't look up this time.

"It's not my thing."

Eren's disappointment turned into embarrassment and then quickly shifted to anger. He hadn't really considered that Levi would be that unwilling. It also stung that Levi wasn't turning him down for lack of time, which would have at least been a valid excuse.

"What do you mean, ' _ it's not your thing' _ ? What was with that face?"

This time Levi did look up.

"Drop it, Eren. I'm not interested."

His tone was clearly dismissive but Eren wasn't ready to drop the topic. 

"I'm not going to  _ drop _ it. I want an explanation."

Levi deliberately put down the papers he was holding, taking his time to make the stack exactly even. 

"I don't understand why you are making an issue out of this, but fine. I have no interest in being one of  _ those _ people."

" _ Those _ people? Who are  _ those _ people, exactly?  _ Gay _ people? Because I happen to be very sore proof that you most definitely are already one of  _ those _ people."

Eren hadn't been trying to make a joke and Levi didn't take it as one. His boyfriend gave him a look and rolled his eyes.

"Yes, Eren, I'm gay. That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

"What I mean is, I have no interest in sitting in a room with other gays, talking about how gay we are. The people who belong to clubs like that tend to make their whole lives about their ' _ gayness _ ' and to be honest, I find that pretty boring."

Eren couldn't believe what he was hearing. He and Levi had never discussed Gay Rights or the LGBTQIA+ movement, but he always assumed they had similar views. Levi had come out in high school under very stressful circumstances and been open ever since. Surely he must acknowledge the importance of being active in the Queer community. Levi's dismissiveness stung. He felt numb. 

"So you're saying I'm boring?"

Levi snorted. 

"Well you haven't gone  _ yet _ ."

Eren tossed his head and fought the desperate need to sit in the bed. The pain in his hips was quickly losing the battle of wills. He locked his knees. 

"Your sarcasm is very mature."

Levi leaned forward, his eyes snapping.

"Well so is you forcing your interests on me. I said  _ I _ didn't want to go, not that  _ you _ shouldn't."

Eren threw his hands up.

"Oh sure, so I can go be boring and one dimensional."

"I didn't say that."

"Well that's what it sounded like from over here. I'm frankly pretty surprised, I didn't realize you were so judgmental."

Levi scoffed and picked up the flyer, thrusting it at Eren.

"Judgmental? You're gonna call  _ me _ that in this conversation? Isn't your  _ manifesto _ that I should be free to live my truth? How do you even have time for another club with all your ARO hours?"

Eren threw up his hands.

"I don't have a  _ manifesto _ and you know what? You might not mind being the 'resident queer,' for our brothers to joke about, but sometimes it's nice to be around people who actually live tolerance."

Eren felt a twinge of guilt for throwing their brothers under the bus when they didn't really deserve to be there, but he couldn't stop the words from pouring out. No matter how much love and acceptance Eren was surrounded by, he was still a gay man living in a straight man's world. It was nice on occasion to  _ not  _ be in mixed company.

Levi's disbelief was palpable.

"Where's all your  _ tolerance _ for my choice not to be defined by who I  _ fuck _ ?"

"The world will define you that way whether  _ I _ do or  _ not _ ."

"Only if you let it!"

"That's easy for you to say. but for those of us who get discriminated against on a daily basis, it becomes an overarching issue."

Levi was on his feet now, his voice low but intense. 

"So now I'm not gay  _ enough _ for you?"

Eren backed up a step, for the first time in the heated exchange actually internalizing Levi's words.  _ Is that what I meant?  _

"I didn't say that."

Levi sneered, throwing Eren's words back at him with devastating finality.

"Well that's what it sounded like from over here. And frankly, I'm pretty tired of your sanctimonious bullshit. I'm not going to your  _ fucking _ meeting."

" _ Fine _ ."

Levi took a breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. His tone was irritated but he was clearly trying not to let his anger get the better of him. 

"I'm going to grab a beer. Want one?"

"No...thanks."

Levi left the room and Eren sank back down on the bed feeling annoyed at both himself and Levi. He balled the flyer up in his fist and tossed it into the wastepaper basket next to the desk. All he wanted to do was spend some time with his boyfriend. He had never imagined it would turn into an argument. 

But Levi's opinion really pissed him off! 

_ It's not like i'm asking him to be an activist. _ He tried to tamp down the little voice in the back of his mind pointing out that it was he, Eren, who had forced both the issue and the argument. He hadn't quite tuned out the voice by the time Levi came back. 

He leaned against the closed door and drank his beer slowly, watching Eren on the bed. His voice was back to his usual calm monotone. 

"Are you staying over?"

Eren didn't look up. He was frustrated and confused. He wanted to cry.

"Do you really want me to?"

He heard Levi sigh and his soft footsteps as he crossed the room. He deliberated for a moment and then sat down on the bed, close enough that Eren could feel his body heat, but not close enough to brush against him. 

"I always want you to."

The knot that had formed in Eren's chest loosened and he deflated a bit. He reached over without looking and plucked the beer from Levi's hand, taking a sip. They sat in silence for a moment. He took another sip before handing it back.

"So I guess we've had our first fight."

Levi grunted. They both turned to look at each other.

"I guess we have. Eren...we don't have to have all the same interests."

Eren's look turned pleading.

"Being gay is not an  _ interest _ -"

He stopped himself when he saw the look on Levi's face.

"You know what, okay, fine. I'm sorry I brought it up. Just forget it."

Levi made a " _ yeah, right _ " face but let it drop, clearly not interested in sustaining the argument. Eren glanced at the clock. It was barely ten but he already felt exhausted. It was still pretty early for Levi, though.

"Are you gonna come back to bed anytime soon?"

Levi contemplated Eren and then the pile of papers on his desk. 

"Why don't we watch a movie?"

Eren knew that Levi would probably get up and work after he fell asleep (he was terrible at staying awake during movies at night) but he recognized an olive branch when he saw one. 

"Ah, yeah that sounds nice."

Levi grabbed his laptop from the desk and inputted the password before passing it to Eren. Neither of them needed to change before slipping into bed. Eren hit the lights and loaded the next movie on their watchlist. He placed the computer on the edge of the desk and crawled under the blanket, snuggling up against Levi's side as the Bourne Supremacy flickered across the screen.

Eren had accomplished less than nothing tonight and it made his growing discontent just a little bit sharper. If anything, the chasm that had started to fissure between them had only gotten deeper and wider tonight. He pressed his face into Levi and inhaled, just wanting to feel close. If he closed his eyes and willed the world to disappear it would be just the two of them. 

He wasn't quite asleep when Levi shifted him just slightly, tucked the blankets around him and went back to his desk. 


	24. Now or Never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When this chapter originally posted on a different site, this was the first update of the Pandemic. I find the message I wrote to my readers still decently valid, I shall share it here:
> 
> Happy Update, my Lovelies. Before we jump back into the water with our lovely bones, I wanted to say a few words. It appears, more than ever at the moment, that we are a generation living through strange and uncertain times. The advent of the global pandemic we are facing is likely to impact all of our lives, but we are not helpless. Be prepared, not scared. Take a calming breath. Wash your hands, practice social distancing, and be socially responsible. Help those who are at greater risk than yourself. Be a good citizen of wherever you hail from. We can all do our best together, separately. Be healthy and Safe, and remember- Masturbating is both socially responsible and stress relieving.
> 
> ♡DiLo

Austin Crane slid the box cutter down the center of the package in front of him and inspected the contents before laying them out on the table. Belinda and Ray were setting up the posters and other giveaway baubles. Even though Paradis didn't have a huge Queer population, as a Liberal Arts college, the presence of both Allies and Activists was strong. The keychains, t-shirts, and drink holders never lasted long at the info meetings. Even if it didn't yield the RPYU new members, anything that supported campus Pride was a step in the right direction. He looked up curiously as a tall figure paced back and forth outside the doorway, clearly anxious about coming inside the room. He set the box aside and called out.

"You can come in, you know, we don't bite. Unless that's your thing."

The person halted and walked inside, biting their lip tentatively.

"Ahh, sorry I know this starts at six, but we had a pop quiz and they let us go early..."

Austin dusted his hands off on his jeans and stood up.

"Better early than late! But we're pretty laid back around here, regardless. I'm Austin."

"Yeah...we've met. Eren."

Austin frowned slightly, searching his mind and coming up blank. Until the stranger raised his eyes and pushed his messy chocolate brown hair out of his face. Eyes the color of a paraiba tourmaline* gazed at him from under a thick fringe of dark brown eyelashes, uncertainty dancing in their depths. His face was stunning in an almost feminine sort of way, his tanned skin and full lips contrasting with his light eyes. He was tall and lithe and Austin could tell he was decently built under the t-shirt that hung from his lean frame.  _ Yeager _ . The name popped up out of nowhere and it helped Austin place him.

"That's right! The frat guy...I'm glad you decided to drop by, man!"

Something flared in Eren's eyes making him look a little less lost. Austin realized after a moment that it could be related to his usage of the term "frat." He might have heard somewhere that brothers considered that insulting shorthand...but since he never knew anyone in a Fraternity or particularly cared about not offending the ones he  _ did  _ know, it wasn't something he was too concerned about. Eren must have decided it wasn't an argument he wanted to have, because he didn't say anything. Austin searched for a topic to break up the awkwardness.

"I wasn't sure you were gonna drop in, it's been a whole week. I don't think I've seen your boyfriend, either. Is he gonna swing by?"

Eren frowned and bit his lip again, a nervous gesture that caused his expression to darken ever so slightly.

"No, no. Sorry just me. Clubs aren't really his  _ thing _ ."

Austin sensed some subtext there, but he didn't know Eren well enough to probe. He didn't know him at  _ all _ really, except for that he was gay, in a fraternity, and cuter than average.

"Well that's more than enough."

Austin smiled and was greeted by a smile in return that made his heart thud against his ribcage. That smile, he remembered; you don't forget being struck by lightening.

_ Ok, maybe 'cuter than average' was a bit of an understatement... _

He swallowed hard and tried to keep his body's reaction off his face, reminding himself over and over again that he was taking a break from dating at the moment.  _ And Eren has a boyfriend. But goddamn it he's hot. _

"Is there anything I can do to help? Looks like I interrupted your set up."

"Nah, I'm almost done anyway. Why don't I introduce you to the others?"

Two other students and a club member arrived while they were talking, so the atmosphere was less awkward than before. Eren let himself be led over to the table and smiled at Belinda and Ray, who came over to be introduced.

Austin hung back as they chatted, quickly laying out the rest of the t-shirts. He needed to get himself under control, anyway, if he was even going to try to be his normal self. He had never had this degree of difficulty around attractive people before, it was kind of ridiculous. He shoved his unsettling feelings down as far as they would go and rejoined the conversation. Eren's voice was pleasant to listen to.

"...was so absorbed with pledging that I couldn't even think of joining anything else, but I was the President of the QSU* in high school."

Belinda whistled and Ray looked impressed.

"Nice, did you have a lot of members?"

Eren shrugged.

"Not really, it was mostly my friends just showing up to support the cause. We did a lot of political action and awareness kind of stuff."

Ray shook their head.

"Your friends sound awesome. You should bring them to a meeting. It's always nice to have allies. Good for you, and good for us, I guess. We could use a member with your kind of experience. I'm sure our fearless leader agrees."

They gestured to Austin who shifted uncomfortably. He didn't usually lead with being the club President. Eren smiled at him again and it made his stomach flip.

Eren raised an eyebrow at him.

"President, huh?"

Austin nodded, the beads in his hair clacking against each other.

"Something like that. I guess we should compare notes."

Eren held up his hands in an adorably self-deprecating gesture.

"Nah I doubt you could learn anything from a small fish like me. It was just high school."

Austin very much doubted that, but he didn't argue the point. Belinda made a comment and Eren turned back to answer her as more people trickled into the room. He turned to greet them, feeling less excitement for anything but talking to this strangely charismatic freshman. Eren stayed at the informational for almost 2 hours, only reluctantly leaving after a brief text exchange that seemed to cloud his open expression.

Austin watched him go, reminding himself for the umpteenth time that he was probably heading out to meet up with his boyfriend. He had mixed feelings about that, but it was nothing he could really put into words at the moment. At the very least, the RPYU had a new member. At the most...Austin could see him as a future prospect... even if he was in a relationship right now.

_ No relationship lasts forever. _

° ☆ °

Moblit Berner arranged his face in a cheery smile he didn't feel and signalled to the bartender for another beer. It would have been easier and cheaper to drink at 59, but since returning from break, the Shadow House had a very noticeable hole in it, in the shape of Zoe Hange. A hole that Titan Zone didn't have tonight.

Moblit scrubbed his hands over his face, wishing he had the balls to order something stronger than Natty Light. He had never been as good at holding his liquor as some of the other guys and it was just a habit at this point to not over-imbibe...not when a certain quirky brunette always seemed to need a ride home if he waited long enough into the night.

Not that he had seen her much since her falling out with Levi. Not that Levi would bother telling him what the hell happened between them to render her  _ persona non grata _ at the house. His 'Big' was not a loquacious person at the best of times, which was probably why he seemed to mesh so well with people like Zoe...who never seemed to shut up.

Moblit was the quiet and observant type so it was no surprise to him when he found out Levi and Eren were dating. He had noticed subtle changes in Levi for months. Putting it together now with the fact that Eren had been the mystery hookup made perfect sense. He had expected his Big to be different now...more accessible, as he had been during the Beta Kai pledge process, but something had happened over break that completely shut him down.

When school started up again, Levi was silent, Eren was tense, and Zoe was...gone. And none of the three of them would say a  _ fucking  _ word about it. Zoe's strange silence affected him worse that Eren and Levi's. Levi was always extremely private and he and Eren barely knew each other. Zoe's behavior, on the other hand, was completely out of character.

He winced as the glass was set down in front of him just a tad too loudly. Or maybe it was the throbbing ache inside his head that made it seem to echo around the sparsely populated room.

The first time he had seen the object of his unhealthy obsession was during his pledge process. She had been on Levi's serenade list and had squealed with unfettered delight for the duration of the experience. His pledge brothers joked about it incessantly (behind Levi's back of course, since most of them- himself included- thought she was his girlfriend), but Moblit found her honest enthusiasm refreshing. She wasn't just a boring, generic, sorority girl obsessed with appearance and banalities. She was genuine, kind, unique, and terrifyingly intelligent.

She might not be everyone's cup of tea, but to him, she was perfect.

Confessing to her had never been an option from the start. Zoe and Levi were a couple, after all, and seemed to have an impenetrable relationship. When he walked in on Levi hooking up with a guy at a mixer one night the semester after he crossed, he was more incensed at the thought of the man's betrayal than at the idea that he was with a man. Zoe cackled hysterically when his conscience could no longer take the strain of keeping the information from her (not that Levi instructed him about it one way or another.) She assured him that though she and Levi had been best friends for years, his big brother's sexual orientation made  _ that _ kind of relationship between them impossible.

With that knowledge gained, the two of them settled into a kind of interesting camaraderie. They were two satellites orbiting Levi's black star, drawn together by their platonic attraction to him, never quite having enough of a pull toward each other to break off and form their own constellation. Time passed and friendship and feelings grew and nothing happened. Any time he seemed to gain enough courage to confess, his ruthless insecurities would shut him down. Zoe was brilliant and beautiful and interesting...what could he possibly have to offer her?

It soothed him somewhat that she seemed to have as little interest in dating as he did. When he thought she was with Levi, he resigned himself to his unrequited fate; nobody could win against Levi. But he had no idea how he would react if she ever chose someone else. From his side of things, other people weren't an option. Even if they weren't together, he just wasn't interested in anyone but Zoe.

They gravitated toward one another at parties and joint events, not really leaving much opportunity for socializing with others, a circumstance he was more than fine with. They had been in this holding pattern for so long that he was genuinely concerned he might already be irrevocably friendzoned. A theory he was determined to test tonight. He just couldn't take it anymore.

Moblit brushed his hair out of his eyes and chugged his beer, wincing as it sloshed in his stomach. His feelings had become frighteningly intense since their circumstantial separation and he finally reached his breaking point. A ripple of laughter reached him from across the room. Zoe crowed her victory as she flattened Annie in another game of pool. Without taking the time to think it through, he strode across the bar and grabbed her hand, towing her out towards the back door in a flurry of confusion. Annie stood glaring after them stoically for a moment before backing into Erwin, who was more than ready to compensate her for her loss.

"Oh hi, Mob- Hey, what? Where are you-!"

He set her back, gripping her shoulders gently as they gained the dark alley behind the bar where students usually came for a quick smoke. The night still carried a bit of winter chill, but since neither of them were dressed inappropriately it would be fine for a few minutes. They had the area to themselves since Tuesdays weren't exactly a popular drinking day.

"We need to talk."

He had expected her to be confused or angry but she stilled immediately and looked up at him with wide eyes and slightly parted lips, almost as though she had been expecting his rash behavior. A lazy breeze blew her messy tendrils of brown hair around her face. Unwilling to hold back, he reached out and tucked the errant strands that had escaped her ponytail behind her ear. He ever so gently caressed her cheek, careful to not dislodge her glasses. The moment was palpable as he lowered his hand.

"Zoe, I-"

"Wait."

He paused, his confession at the ready.

"Moblit, I...can this wait? Please? My life is kind of going to pieces right now. Levi is-"

He frowned and shook his head. If he let her, she would babble him into silence.  _ Now or never _ .

"Hange! No, this can't wait. Because  _ I _ can't wait anymore. I love you. I want to be with you. If your life is in pieces, let me help you put it back together. I will do whatever you want if I can be next to you."

The air felt thick around Moblit as he watched her stand, uncharacteristically motionless, in the moonlight. A single glittering tear rolled down her cheek. Her voice was a trembling whisper.

"You...you don't want this mess, trust me...I'm not...I'm not a good person..."

"Don't tell me what I want, Zoe Hange. I don't care about what's going on between you and Levi. It has nothing to do with  _ us _ . And don't you  _ ever _ say that about the person I love."

Another tear and another slid down her cheek.

"I know, I just...that's not the only reason. I...I shouldn't be dating anyone Moblit. I have so many things about myself I need to figure out..."

Moblit frowned as she trailed off.

"Like what?"

She swallowed hard and looked past him.

"What...what if I couldn't be your  _ girl _ friend? What if I was questioning...th-things like that?"

Moblit smiled softly and reached out until he felt her hands in his.  _ This _ , he had expected. He hadn't watched this person with quiet desperation for almost two years and not noticed what she herself might not have realized. He had picked up hints in their conversations that she might question her gender identity.

"It doesn't matter to me. No matter what you decide about that, or if you never do, I am in love with  _ you,  _ Zoe Hange...whoever they are. I need you in my life. Do you need me, too?"

An agonizing beat of silence flowed between them and then Zoe exhaled, smiling through her tears. She tipped her head back and laughed. She threw her arms around his neck, squeezing him with surprising strength before she pulled back.

"I need you too, Moblit Berner. It certainly took you long enough."

His heart sang and tears pulsed behind his eyes, dripping shamelessly down his face when they got too heavy to hold back.

"I won't be late again."

"I've missed you. A-and...I love you too, by the way."

A comet streaked over head, but neither of them witnessed its beauty. Their first kiss tasted like tears and a thousand years of lost love, returned at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *QSU- Queer Student Union


	25. Eavesdropping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be safe. Be well. I'm sorry this update wasn't as long as I would have liked.  
> "So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads." – Dr. Seuss  
> ♡DiLo  
> •°☆°•

Eren meandered slowly through the groups of huddled Beta Psi squads spread out around the first floor of the Shadow House. The pledges were almost never fully unsupervised, so when Levi was having meetings with the RA's, it was not uncommon for other brothers to be lurking around- whether they had been asked to or not. 

For Eren, the dynamic was uncomfortable, but he hung around anyway, delaying working on his Stats homework for as long as possible. Anything was better than  _ that _ . He had been a bit of a laughing stock after ValentinesGate, but once the Beta Psi emerged from their seventy two hour punishment, they were no longer laughing. They didn't dislike Eren individually, per se, but as a group, they were absolutely terrified of him. They were respectful to the point of unnatural stiffness, probably fearful that any slight would have them all facing unknown calamity for a second time. For someone so fair and down to earth, Levi had a remarkable penchant for designing effective, misery inducing punishments. 

Normally, Eren would have hated the pledges subdued attitude, but he had spent so much time being either ignored or openly lampooned by the upperclassmen, he actually felt it as a soothing balm for his lately- rather- tender ego. He knew it was petty and undeserved; after all, it was Levi's wrath that the pledges were hoping to avoid, but it still felt good. 

Eren peered disinterestedly at the pledge projects, not really looking closely enough to see what they were doing. When the door opened and Jean walked in, he smirked as the pledges jumped to their feet with a deafening scrape of sneakers against the polished wood floor to greet him with one voice. Jean tried to look nonchalant, but Eren spied the telltale twinge of red high on his cheekbones. Being greeted by twenty-odd hopeful pledges was a feeling like no other. The Beta Kai still weren't used to it. 

Jean returned the greeting and waved them back to work, clearing his throat awkwardly and stepping through the obstacle course of bodies so he could stand near Eren. 

"Hey man! Good to see you, where ya been hiding?"

Eren shrugged. He really liked Jean, but they had seen decidedly less of each other since Bojack started dating his...Mikasa. 

"Here and there. You know me, I've always got something going on."

Jean nodded at him, a strange  _ something _ creeping into his expression.

"We need to catch up sometime, Yeager, I miss you. And-"

He lowered his voice,

"I've been worried about you."

Eren frowned. He wasn't that difficult to find. His pledge brothers, especially his squad, knew his schedule better than  _ he _ did and when in doubt, he was at 59, in the Presidential Suite, with or without Levi. Though he sincerely doubted Jean wanted to talk about anything he wanted to hear, anyway. Jean dating Mikasa actually bothered him more than he thought it would...especially now when he felt so disconnected from everyone. When he really thought about it, all anyone ever wanted to do lately was "catch up" with him. Was he running a race everyone knew about but him? Was that a thing people said now instead of just "hang out"? 

He couldn't help but contrast his friends' behavior with his new group of acquaintances at the RPYU. Despite Levi's prejudices, everyone he had met at the informational was cool, laid back, and didn't ask him probing questions about shit he didn't want to talk about. Sure they got political now and then, but it was important for people in the Queer community and their Allies to be well informed about the issues that impacted their future. It wasn't necessarily  _ activism:  _ it was common sense.

"I'm fine, Jean. Whatever you want."

Eren turned and almost tripped over a pledge on his way to the kitchen. The unfortunate Psi scuttled out of the way, practically bowing as he stammered out an apology Eren had no patience to hear. Jean would probably have followed him but as soon as he passed through the archway into the kitchen another deafening scuffle and roar of,  _ "Good Evening, Master,"  _ shook the house. Eren couldn't control his eye roll, recalling with amusement something Erwin had said to Levi early on in his pledge process.  _ Yeah, Levi definitely gets off on that. _

He stomped through the kitchen, rattling through the bins angrily when nothing in the shared fridge (which was filled mostly with booze and soda) met with his approval. He dug into the back and then slammed the door savagely. He almost jumped out of his skin when Levi appeared in the spot the fridge door had just occupied, holding a soda can and a knowing smirk. 

"Cherry Vanilla Diet Coke, delivery service." 

Eren scowled at him and snatched the soda rudely, holding on to his bad mood as tightly as possible, despite Levi's sweet gesture. He managed to mumble an ungrateful " _ thanks _ " before turning away and popping the top. He didn't turn quickly enough to miss Levi's slightly raised eyebrow. Eren leaned against the kitchen counter opposite the fridge and tried to ignore the hand that stroked the small of his back.

"That's all I get? I work for tips, you know. It's a tough economy..."

Eren took a sip of the sweet beverage, stubbornly suppressing his usual reaction to Levi's murmured words. He knew what Levi expected...and he just wasn't in the mood tonight. Normally Eren would have taken the opportunity to melt against him, kiss him until they were both breathless and senseless, and accompany him upstairs for a lusty fuck. A part of him...a rapidly thickening part... _ did _ want that. But the more persistent part that had been drip-dripping discontent into his veins for a couple of weeks now, was staunchly against giving in to habit. 

The hand on his back curved around his hip and Levi pressed against his side, speaking against his neck. 

"Come on, honey-"

Eren jerked to the side leaving Levi empty handed and frowning. He should have just stormed out the back door until he was fit company again, but he made the mistake of turning around and actually looking at his boyfriend. His stomach plummeted, immediately regretting his behavior. Levi's handsome face was colored by confusion and shock...which made sense since Eren had pulled away from him basically twice in their entire relationship. 

He scrambled for some kind of response to Levi's wordless query, still feeling incapable of talking to Levi about what was really bothering him. He hated that he sounded flustered when he finally spoke. He gestured toward the Livingroom.

"There's like, thirty people in the next room, babe. Someone will come in."

Levi pressed his perfect lips together and took a deliberate breath. 

"You say that like it's a problem. Anyone who would walk through that door knows we kiss, Eren."

Eren huffed, exasperated. 

"That doesn't mean I want an audience. Do  _ you _ ?" 

Eren raised an eyebrow, thinking that would be the end of the discussion. How wrong he was...

"Richy."

Levi had barely raised his voice but one of his assistants appeared in the doorway as though conjured by magic. 

"Sir?"

"Dismiss the pledges."

Richy and Eren asked the question simultaneously.

"What?"

Levi never took his eyes off Eren.

"Do I need to explain what that means?"

Richy floundered for a moment, completely bewildered. Eren almost felt bad for him.

"B-but Levi...they haven't completed their task...you said to give them 2 hours..."

This time Levi did turn around.

"And now I'm saying dismiss them."

"That's not fair..."

"Do they know that?"

Rich's brow furrowed in consternation.

"...no, sir."

Levi shrugged, the motion distracting Eren for a moment, as it always did. He spoke slowly, as though Richy were impaired somehow.

"Then they don't know we didn't give them enough time, now, do they, Richy?"

The man shifted uncomfortably.

"N-no, but-"

" _ Dismiss the pledges _ , Suárez."

The man was clearly torn but swallowed his protest. Questioning Levi's decision  _ twice _ when it involved the pledges was not something Eren had ever seen anyone do. People usually didn't even question him  _ once.  _ Eren chocked it up to the fact that Richy Suárez still wasn't used to being a Squad Leader.

Levi tried not to choose the same assistants for more than one cycle so he could train as many people as possible. They had never discussed it, but Eren had the sneaking suspicion he was subtly looking for someone to replace him as Pledge Master. Most Executive Board positions had a two semester term (Spring to the following Fall), with the exception of PledgeMaster, who before Levi served only one semester each. As a second semester Junior this was Levi's fourth consecutive term, his fifth if you counted the semester he served as an assistant and had to step in to clean up the mess the current Master made (which nearly got ARO kicked off campus).

Eren didn't like to think about the fact that Levi only had two more semesters until graduation, and as a rule, second semester seniors never held any E-Board or committee head positions; for their benefit as well as to ensure the Fraternity would function successfully without their guiding hands. He knew his boyfriend was tired of the constant demands on his time, but his continuous reelection had been so resoundingly unanimous, he acquiesced time after time and 'did his duty.' Recruitment and training ensured the future of the Fraternity and it wasn't a responsibility Levi took lightly.

Ricky bobbed his head and vanished, mumbling, " _ yes, sir _ ." Levi turned around with a smug look on his face as the telltale sound of the front rooms emptying echoed through the house.    
When the front door finally clicked shut, Levi gave him a satisfied smile and opened his arms, beckoning him forward.

Eren blew his hair out his eyes and shook his head in bewilderment. Mostly distracted from his bad mood, he took a few grudging steps forward into Levi's arms. He took a breath and leaned forward to give him a kiss, surprised when his lips collided with his boyfriend's smooth cheek. Levi chuckled.

"See? Was that so hard?"

Eren laughed ruefully, shaking his head.

"You did all that for a peck on the cheek?"

Eren felt Levi's fingers flex on his hips. He wondered if Levi would lie about wanting him.

"Well not originally, no...but you are obviously not in the mood tonight. I figured I would cut my losses and maybe you'd think I was cool or something..."

Eren bit his lip in an effort to control his grin but he lost the battle.

"That  _ was _ very cool, actually, but you blew it by pointing it out..." 

"Mhmmmmm..."

Levi squeezed him closer and Eren let the kiss happen, his pulse quickening as he felt Levi lick gently across his bottom lip. 

"I get so jealous when you bite this lip..."

Eren felt himself start to tremble. He settled deeper into Levi's arms as his bad mood and all the very disconcerting reasons behind it slipped to the edges of his mind. Yet they never did fully recede. Like ocean waters, sucked back to the deep, with only the moon knowing when the wave would wreak its destruction upon the shore. 

They weren't far from his mind when Levi's kisses became more urgent, or when he was manhandled into the dark dining room at the back of the house. They were still festering when he was fucked, splayed open across the table, writhing and moaning, tearing at his hair to keep his voice down. And they crashed in on him at full force when he returned to campus on his own, despite Levi asking him to stay the night. 

He couldn't bear to be with his boyfriend for another minute, because of the disgust he felt for himself. 

° ☆ °

Austin turned the corner in the basement of the Arts building and slid his bag up his shoulder. The building design was fairly genius- Fine Arts on the top levels where the lighting was best, dance studios in the middle and music rooms in the basement where the classrooms were soundproofed and encased in thick layers of cement. Muffled sounds of choir and band practices competed with the lively conversations of the students who usually used the basement corridors as a convenient cut through to the other buildings on campus.

Paradis, set as it was in a valley, was often plagued by a long, harsh winter and flooded spring. To address the vagaries of the weather, the campus had been build to defy nature. All the academic buildings on campus were connected by a warren of underground tunnels that snaked through their basements. The residential communities and dining halls were exceptions to this rule, but once you were on the academic side of campus, you never had to step foot outside.

Austin typically tried not to eavesdrop, but a particularly energetic group of dancers was walking right in front of him. A slim brunette with a long ponytail that swished from side to side as she walked was speaking indignantly,

"I'm telling you guys, it's  _ not _ funny, I'm sore  _ everywhere _ !"

A taller dark skinned girl with a golden streaked afro-puff interrupted her sarcastically,

"You poor thing, Diedre!  _ So _ much sex you don't know what to do with yourself!  _ How _ will you survive?"

Laughter erupted from the other members of the group.

"You mean how will she  _ walk _ !"

More snickering followed and 'Diedre' fell behind the others. The only male in the group, a tall, lanky brunette with chestnut color hair slowed down to walk with her. Austin felt like he had been struck by lightening when the guy spoke- he had ogled the male dancer's pert, round ass appreciatively earlier, but hadn't considered him particularly familiar. Now that he spoke, he knew that voice.  _ Eren...the captivating Freshman from the RPYU info meeting last week! _

"Don't listen to them Dee, they're just jealous!"

Everyone laughed. When the general topic had changed he leaned close to speak into her ears only. Being behind the group, Austin was still in perfect hearing range. 

"I know how you feel though, my boyfriend can get...really rough. And he's the long-lasting kind."

"Oh my God, right?! It's a good thing I'm a dancer or I'd probably be crippled by now."

Eren was nodding in agreement.

" _ Seriously _ . But it's getting harder to hide the bruises during practice..."

Austin stopped short and was nearly knocked over by the person who had been walking briskly behind him. He mumbled an apology, his brain still short circuiting from what he had just heard. 

"Ahhh, sorry sorry..."

He stood dumbfounded while the backs of the dancers receded into the distance.  _ What the fuck? Bruises? _ Austin knew Eren had a boyfriend, in fact, he had recruited him because it was so...refreshing...to see two men in Greek letters in an openly gay relationship. He wracked his brain but couldn't for the life of him picture what the other man looked like. Eren had mentioned briefly that groups like RPYU weren't his boyfriend's " _ thing _ ." Austin frowned, trying to remember the context of that comment. Eren  _ had _ seemed agitated.  _ Was it actually fear? Is this kid in an abusive relationship? _ Rough sex was one thing...rough enough to leave bruises that you had difficulty hiding the next day was something else entirely. 

Austin's protective instincts rose hard and fast. He didn't know Eren well, but every interaction he'd had with the other man had shown him to be a bright eyed, open, and trusting person. Exactly the type to be trapped in an abusive relationship; something that was all too common in the Queer community. 

Austin settled his bag properly on his shoulder and started walking again, determined to reach out to Eren soon and establish some trust between them. There was no way he would let such a sweet kid fall through the cracks. No way he would stand by and let what happened to  _ him _ happen to  _ anybody else.  _


	26. Doubts

Eren wandered back to where he dropped his bag, mentally bracing himself for dinner with his dance friends. Not that he didn't genuinely enjoy their company, but between breakfast hours, lunch with Levi's asshat pledge brothers and a full course load, he found himself craving something he never would have thought possible: alone time. So he wasn't upset when Ymir tapped him on the arm and motioned for him to follow her to a sparsely populated area of the dining hall where they could eat together in peace. 

Eren sat down and dug into his chicken pasta alfredo, waiting for Ymir to speak. Something was obviously troubling her. He noticed it at practice and it was still riding her now; her usual sharp attack of the numbers just slightly behind the count today. She pushed her ash-blonde bangs out of her face and Eren noticed her pretty blue eyes were bright with unshed tears. He genuinely liked Ymir and his protective instincts rose sharp and fast.

"What happened, Ymir? You can tell me anything."

The tiny blonde sniffled and looked into his eyes.

"Can I though? This has been driving me crazy for weeks. I want to feel like I can trust you...in the end I guess I just have to, because otherwise I will go crazy "

Eren frowned, trying to figure out what she was talking about.  _ Why wouldn't she feel she could trust him? _ _ Why would she be concerned about his loyalty… _

Inspiration struck him out of the blue.

"This is about Armin."

His best friend's name seemed to send a tremor through Ymir's whole body. She nodded.

"I...I really like him Eren. M-more than like. He's everything I've always wanted."

"That's great!"

Eren felt his heart expand with relief and joy for his best friend. Armin hadn't really spoken to him about Ymir a whole lot, but he was a perpetually blushing, flustered mess whenever anyone brought up her name. He had seen from a mile away that they would be perfect for each other. He smiled widely but it melted off his face when he saw her expression darken.

"That's...not...great?"

Ymir's face twisted into a look of sheer agony and she snapped the plastic spoon she had been toying with in half.  _ So much for her Tuna Quinoa bowl… _

"Did you tell him?"

She leaned forward and dropped her voice to a whisper,

"That I'm a  _ stripper _ ?"

Eren answered quickly enough that he could only be telling the truth.

"What?  _ No _ . Why would I? I told you I wasn't going to tell anybody and I meant it!"

Ymir stared at his face for a moment and seemed to like what she read there so she relaxed slightly. She still rushed the next words out breathlessly.

" _ Then why hasn't he asked me out? _ What's he waiting for? Things were going so well and then he just sorta clammed up on me and I...I don't know what to think!"

Eren couldn't keep the smile off his face and hurried to explain so she wouldn't misread his amusement.

"Ymir, Armin is crazy about you. It's just...so like him to have no idea what to do about it. He's not very...experienced with women. He's probably absolutely terrified of you."

Ymir gave him a look that spoke volumes to Eren of exactly how oblivious she was to how cute, funny, and special she was. It made Eren like her even more than he already did... but... something was still bothering him. He rushed on before she could speak.

"But Ymir...why are you so worried about Armin finding out about...your... you know...your job?"

Her expression turned pained again.

"Ugh, Eren! Armin is so...he's so straight-laced and  _ pure _ . He would be  _ horrified _ if he knew. He would never see me the same way he does now."

At that Eren had to roll his eyes. He wished he could tell her even  _ half _ of the stuff Armin had instigated when they were kids. He might have been the one who always went ahead and  _ did  _ all the crazy shit, but the credit for coming up with the majority of it lay squarely in his best friend's lap. But Eren was nothing if not a loyal person...to a fault. 

"I can guarantee you that not only will he accept it, Ymir, he will be completely okay with it. He'll probably think he's the luckiest fucking guy on the planet, too."

"Are you  _ sure _ ?"

"Positive. Stop agonizing and just talk to him. He wouldn't be worthy of how much you like him if he couldn't accept you, Ymir, because you are a fucking awesome person."

For the first time since they had been talking, Ymir smiled and it reached her eyes. 

"You're a good friend, Eren. Thank you."

She looked down at her broken spoon and blushed.

"I should probably grab another one of these."

She hopped off the chair and Eren gave her a mock salute, mumbling, " _ no problem _ ." Under his breath. It made him feel momentary relief from his own problems to help someone else.  _ If only my issues with Levi were this easy to fix. _ Still, it only  _ seemed _ easy because he knew exactly how Armin was going to react. Ymir and Armin just needed a little  _ push. _ Part of him feared that he didn't really know Levi well enough to predict his behavior. A bigger part feared that he knew  _ exactly _ how he was going to react and it would only cause  _ more _ problems.

He bit into some chicken while he turned the problem over in his mind. He had gotten exactly nowhere when his phone buzzed.

Austin  🏳 ️‍ 🌈

_ Coffee tomorrow? Library @ 10am _

Eren thought about it for a moment and shrugged, typing out his reply as Ymir swanned back with her spoon, clearly happier after their conversation. Maybe he could get Austin's take on this whole thing. A new perspective was always a good thing.

° ☆ °

Eren ruffled his hand through his hair as he ducked under the archway and whisked through the double doors into the Library tower. Mid-March was trying to prove itself Spring by blotting out the sun several times a week and blanketing Paradis University in a fine sheen of mist. It was usually gone by the afternoon, but at this hour, the just-lighter-than-rain was still going strong. 

He could feel the delicate droplets of water clinging to his evergreen and daffodil striped Rugby shirt and the tickle of them running down his cheeks when he blinked them out of his eyelashes. It was probably still too chilly to be wearing cargo shorts, but he stuck by his decision. If his arms had to be covered to hide some still-fading rope burns, he would be  _ damned _ if he had to wear long pants as well. 

Unlike the coffee cart in the Union food court, the Library tower boasted a fully functioning coffee shop, complete with charging ports and cozy booths. Rose&Bean was conveniently situated between professor's offices, the reference section and the main lending area, so it was a popular hangout during study breaks.

He felt a slight twinge of pain from his muscle when he raised his arm. His heart fluttered wildly at the memory of Levi tying him to the leg of his desk two nights ago so he could fuck his throat. He was still running his fingers over the expanse just across the center of his bicep, when he spied Austin leaning against a column waiting for him. 

Eren had to suppress a grin at how much Austin looked like he just walked out of a Rip Curl ad, complete with beaded hemp necklace and waterproof wrap-watch. What made it even funnier was that Paradis county was about a thousand miles from the coast in every direction. He  _ did _ envy the man his seemingly permanent tan. He wondered idly if Levi would find his new friend attractive but quickly decided he wouldn't. Austin just seemed a bit too... _ messy _ and was definitely more laid back than Levi could handle. Eren knew his own laissez faire approach to certain things had a tendency to irritate his boyfriend...and he wasn't even that bad. 

Austin straightened up and waved him over, the glass coffee tumbler in his hand giving Eren pause as they hopped on the line together. 

"Do you prefer your home brew?"

Austin blinked. Was it Eren's imagination that the other man was watching him rub his arm?

"Ahh this? No, not at all. Well I mean I used to, but now campus has switched to only free trade coffee and chocolate so it's okay. The battle against the waste of using all this disposable paper and plastic on the other hand, is still very much our fight."

Eren nodded and cringed sheepishly, surreptitiously paying the extra dollar for a reusable cup when he ordered his Venti sugar cookie hot chocolate. If Austin noticed, he refrained from commenting. They shifted to the end of the counter as they waited for their drinks.

"So how've you been, Eren? I'm glad you weren't too busy to meet up."

Eren's smile was already on his lips, but he was so tired of putting up a front all the time it slipped far too easily. 

"I've been pretty stressed, to be honest. I'm glad you texted…"

He let his sentence trail off as the drinks were placed on the counter. He couldn't really tell Austin why hanging out with him would be such a relief.

_ Hey Austin, we've known each other for about five minutes but I'm self-destructing because my boyfriend, who I am desperately in love with, only sees me for sex and my...former adopted sister confessed to being in love with me before deciding to date one of my closest friends.  _

Eren had dumped nearly half the shaker of cinnamon onto his beverage before Austin got his attention.

"Uh...you okay there, bro?"

Eren shook his head and quickly placed the shaker down. 

"Yeah, yeah sure. Sorry...I don't know where my head is today."

Austin smiled at him a little too knowingly and lead the way to one of the more secluded booths.

"You know, I know we only just met, but I feel a strong...kinship...with you, Eren. You can talk to me about what's bothering you. I might be able to give you a perspective you don't get from your other friends."

Eren grinned genuinely this time, his heart leaping in excitement as Austin basically echoed the sentiment he had been trying to express to Levi.

"See! this is exactly what I was talking about! It's just different when you are around other people like you."

Austin's honey colored eyes twinkled in amusement.

"Oh? Who were you trying to convince of something so obvious?"

"Oh, Levi, he just doesn't get it. I don't know how he can stand it honestly. He was probably the only gay in our Fraternity before I pledged and who knows about his fellow ROTC cadets…"

Austin raised an eyebrow.

"Uhh my boyfriend."

"I figured."

"Yeah, so...no classes this morning?"

Eren sipped his drink, enjoying the sweet, nutty flavor as it wrapped around him in an internal hug. He needed to change the subject.

Austin sipped his own drink, and shrugged.

"Nah, I have a seminar this evening, but that's it for today. I'm taking it easy this semester."

Eren raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Don't tell me you came all the way over this early just to meet me?"

Austin chuckled. It was low and smokey and Eren liked the sound of it. Austin was such a comfortable person to be around; he really put Eren at ease.

"I would have, but I didn't. I work in the Vegan food co-op a few days a week and my shift starts at eleven."

Eren tried not to gape too much at this news.  _ Of course. It fits his image perfectly. _ He couldn't help but chuckle at the memory of the argument Mikasa and Levi had gotten into over break about the merits of Vegan and Organic foods… before everything in his life went to hell.

"You work there?"

"Yeah, it's actually the only completely student run dining option. When you join you get to eat for fifty percent off the cost of the meal in exchange for working there. The students do everything. The more you work, the cheaper your food is."

"Wow, I didn't know Paradis  _ had _ a Vegan food co-op. That sounds like something Levi would love, he's practically a health nut…"

Eren trailed off again when he noticed Austin's look. 

"What?"

Austin shrugged, trying to look nonchalant but Eren wasn't fooled.

"You seem to mention your boyfriend a lot. What he likes, dislikes...what do  _ you _ like, Eren? Does he share any of  _ your _ interests?"

That brought Eren up short. He took a sip of his coffee as he tried to organize his thoughts. Neither he nor Levi had a particular interest in sports or religion, but could a  _ dislike _ be counted as a common interest? Had he and Levi ever really spoken about Eren's interests? He knew they  _ must _ have come up at some point, right? He knew a ton about Levi- how committed he was to a military career, his preference for clean, organic eating, that he read military fiction, his favorite bands…

Did Levi know or share any of Eren's interests? The only thing he had asked Levi to do with him, going to RPYU, had been summarily dismissed. 

"W-we...I mean, of course! We are both really committed to ARO. I mean like, hardcore."

Austin nodded and sipped his coffee, looking unconvinced. Eren scratched the back of his neck unconsciously, unable to look Austin in the eye.

"We just haven't known each other for that long, that's all, and there's been a lot of...drama in a short time, so it's been difficult to really get to know each other when we're not...um...he came to stay with my family for Christmas, we were going to get to know each other better then, but then this whole thing happened with my sister and he left-"

Eren paused, feeling very out of control with the conversation and took a sip of his now tepid hot chocolate.

"What happened with your sister?"

Eren frowned.

"She was just always trying to break us up."

"Wow. How did you guys resolve that?"

Eren sniffed, his stomach rolling a bit at the memory of his last conversation with Mikasa...the one where she decided she wasn't his sister anymore.

"We haven't…um spoken...since…"

"Eren…"

This time he did make eye contact, hoping to infuse his unwillingness to pursue this topic into his voice.

"This is not something I want to talk about, Austin."

His words had a bit more bite to them than he intended but he wasn't sorry. He came for coffee, not counseling. Austin raised his hands in a placating gesture. 

"Okay, okay, you're right, I'll drop it. But Eren, can I just say one thing?"

Eren took a breath and nodded.

"I don't know what's going on with your relationship but...from what you've said it just seems kind of... _ weird _ . That's all. And you don't have to feel like you are settling because it's hard to find good men to date. Not that you would have any problem finding someone...y-you deserve to be happy and be with someone who treats you with respect."

Levi's defense sprung to Eren's lips but he held it back. Levi was a good man.  _ Nobody _ would think a person was settling in a relationship with him...and he  _ did _ treat Eren with respect... _ most of the time _ ...On the other hand, Austin wasn't wrong. He didn't know the full situation...or how far Levi was out of Eren's league...but even if he  _ did _ know that, he just wanted what was best for him. Eren nodded and changed the subject, plying Austin with questions about the food co-op and the RPYU. He was not going to get to the bottom of this now and he needed to talk about it with someone who  _ did _ know everything.

Forty five minutes slipped by in a flash and before he knew it they parted ways, walking off in different directions through the parting mist.


	27. The Way it Used to Be

Armin looked from side to side to confirm his solitary state in the bathroom before backing up a few steps and puffing out his chest, flexing as hard as humanly possible before deflating against the porcelain sink. He continued to brush his teeth, careful not to spoil his newly washed hair when he spit out his toothpaste. He didn't know when he decided to stop cutting it, exactly, and he had actually been on the verge of doing so before he and Eren left for college, but every time he had the scissor in his hand he changed his mind.

It had become a sort of trademark of his over time, not to mention the fact that it allowed him to stand in solidarity with his best friend. Eren was by far the more flamboyant of the two (not to mention the one who was actually gay), but Armin's shorter stature and unfashionably long blond hair had marked him since high school. Even if being best friends with 'the gay kid' hadn't already sealed his fate. 

So he kept his hair long as an ally, to deflect just a tiny bit of the homophobia that Eren encountered wherever they went. It never occurred to Armin to deny it when tiny brained idiots would make their prejudices known. So what if they thought he was gay? He was secure enough in his own sexuality and identity to not let it bother him on his own behalf. When it came to Eren, though, he wouldn't put up with that shit for one minute. 

He ran his fingers through his hair after stowing his toothbrush. Both he and his hairstyle had grown up a bit since high school. He never would have been cool enough to pull off a pony-tail or man-bun in high school, but now, with his hair just past his shoulders he could style it in several ways to keep it from framing his face that were quite appealing with his artfully-messy bangs. He would never admit to how much effort he put into his hairstyles (only Eren and Mikasa knew  _ that _ embarrassing truth) but in  _ his _ opinion it was entirely worth it. 

Especially now that there was someone in his life he actually  _ wanted _ to impress. If only he had more than better grades in math to offer her...

His body had also matured quite a bit, thanks in part to the tortuous and grueling ARO gym hours he had been subjected to last semester. He would never achieve the tight, toned way Eren's muscles flowed under his skin or the straight up intimidating bulk of someone like Master Levi, but he was pleased to see a decent amount of definition in his arms and upper body. He even had  _ abs _ . 

He grabbed his shower caddy from the shelf above the sink and squelched his way out of the bathroom and down the hall to his room, keeping one had firmly fisted in the towel around his waist. Connie had surprised him one too many times, pelting down the hall to relieve him of his modesty, for him to venture out unprepared. He unlocked the door and walked inside, lazily dropping his towel in a heap and reaching for his clean clothes. 

He froze when a low whistle caught him entirely off guard. He turned slowly to glare at Eren who was lounging on his bed not even pretending to read the book in his lap. How could he, when his face was level with Armin's…

"Dude! A little privacy here?"

Eren chuckled and rolled his eyes, making a show of stuffing a pillow over his face. 

"Hey, I'm the one who was here minding my own business…"

Armin rolled his eyes theatrically. Even if Eren couldn't see him, he would know he was doing it.

"Don't roll your eyes at me!"

"Hahaha…"

Armin snatched up his clothes but got dressed at an annoyingly slow pace. He didn't actually care whether or not Eren saw him naked- they had seen each other naked loads of times growing up. He had honestly been more surprised that his roommate was  _ home _ . Eren was hardly  _ ever _ at home. He tried not to let it bother him too much, but if he was being really honest with himself, it did. He and Eren had always been closer than brothers, but pledging ARO together had made it official...just in time for him to lose Eren completely. 

Well, that was being a little melodramatic, but things definitely weren't the way they used to be. 

"Anytime this century, Coconut. Unless you are auditioning for the next Magic Mike film, in which case you could probably use a second opinion."

Armin laughed out loud and grabbed the pillow off Eren's face.

"It's safe to come out. I promise you won't be overcome with lust."

Eren smirked and wiggled his eyebrows like the villain of an old Spaghetti Western.

"I don't know, you might be just what I have been looking for all this time."

Armin laughed lightly and sat in his chair. 

"I have it on good authority that you're very much taken."

He wasn't facing Eren when he said it, but he could feel the other man's attitude shift.

"What about you, Ar? Are  _ you _ taken?"

He tried to keep the blush out of his cheeks, but could feel himself slowly reddening. He was lucky he hadn't met Ymir when he was pledging. His name would be Tomato instead of Coconut. 

"I don't know what you're-"

"Armin."

He turned around, all of a sudden exasperated.

"Ugh  _ what _ ?"

Eren smiled at him in triumph, his stupid, impossibly-colored eyes dancing in his stupidly adorable face. 

"When are you gonna ask her out?"

Armin thought about playing dumb but he didn't want to drag out the torture and he knew Eren wasn't going to let this go. This playful dolphin turned into a shark when it smelled blood in the water and Armin may as well have been fatally wounded. He sagged in his chair.

"I don't know! What if I ask her out and she doesn't see me like that and it makes tutoring awkward? Or what if she cancels on me and fails her class!  _ It's almost midterms _ !"

Eren bit his lip.

"Or what if she is crazy about you and is torturing herself over how you haven't said anything? What if all you have to do is ask her out and the two of you can go riding off into the sunset and have  _ adorkable _ genius babies with insanely gorgeous hair?"

Armin rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Eren. This is  _ me _ we're talking about."

Eren rolled his eyes back.

"I know, we've been talking about you this whole time."

Armin studied his best friend for a moment, feeling warmth expand inside his chest. All at once he felt the rush of love, pure unconditional love, that he had always felt from this person, rebounding inside his body until he felt like he was full of it. His granddad was the only other person in the world who made him feel this way, and he was hundreds of miles away. It was  _ this _ feeling that had filled the emptiness of his parents never being home and of his never really fitting in with other kids. 

Eren never tried to change him or tease him for being a bookworm or tech nerd. He just accepted him completely and loved him unconditionally in a way that was so supportive and unassuming that you didn't even realize it was there. He realized with a flash of intuition that all of his confidence, all of his unwavering ability to believe in himself was there because Eren had believed in him  _ first _ ...and still believed in him.

"Do you really think...I mean...Ymir is so...so... _ perfect _ . I don't want to screw this up."

"Nobody is perfect, Armin. But I think she is perfect for  _ you _ . The only way you could screw this up is if you don't go for it."

Armin took a breath and nodded slowly. 

"Okay. I'll talk to her after midt-"

"Now."

"Come on I-"

"NOW."

"JEEZ, fine! I'll talk to her tomorrow, ok, _ mom _ ?"

Eren smiled like a cat in cream and sat back, popping his 'p' annoyingly.

"Yup."

Armin pulled out his textbook and with a last eyeroll, spread his papers out on his desk and got to work.

° ☆ °

Eren felt guilty interrupting Armin right as he set to work, but there would never be a better time to talk to him about his whole Levi situation...

"Hey Ar? Do you think...ugh, nevermind."

Armin looked up from his textbook, fixing Eren with his steady blue gaze. 

"Do I think what?"

"It's just...nah, nothing, forget it."

Armin narrowed his eyes, putting his textbook down this time and giving all his attention to his best friend.

"Spit it out, Eren."

He sighed in defeat and peeked at Armin out of the corner of his eye. It felt so stupid to be bringing this up...but Armin had been his sounding board since preschool. His take on a situation  _ always _ mattered. 

"Do you think Levi and I have a 'normal relationship'…"

Armin was already shaking his head before Eren got the words out.

"I'm sorry Eren, I'm not talking to you about this."

Eren frowned, taken aback.

"What the  _ hell _ , Ar?"

"What difference does it make what I think?"

Eren got up and started pacing, which felt pretty stupid after a minute since their room was so small.

"Of  _ course _ what you think makes a difference."

Armin rolled his eyes. 

"Fine. No."

Eren bristled.

"Seriously? Just "no"? Great Armin, what the hell do you know anyway-"

"Exactly! I didn't want to talk about this because I knew you would get all defensive and tell me to go to hell!"

Eren crossed his arms over his chest and thrust his chin out.

"I am  _ not _ getting defensive…"

He bit his lip when Armin raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to catch up. He threw up his hands in defeat and sat down again.

"Okay fine. I will stop being defensive. I'm sorry, okay? Say what you want."

Armin took off his glasses and chewed on them absentmindedly. His voice was gentle.

"What are you really asking, Eren?"

"Just what I asked. Do Levi and I seem like a normal couple?"

Armin took a breath, his eyes going all far away for a minute before he snapped them back to Eren.

"I've got your back, Eren, you know that, but the truth is, no, you really don't."

Eren frowned, but it had no bite to it. He was too busy listening to his heart pound. His words came out in a mumble. 

"What's so weird about it, then? He's not that much older than I am. Or that better looking…"

"It's not that! Levi is...he's just so... _ mature _ . Not that you aren't, he just seems like he has so much experience. He's like...really jaded. And you're an optimist. You're an extrovert who gets his energy from being around people and you love being the center of attention. He's an introvert and a loner who prefers the company of a select group. Your personalities just don't...mesh."

Eren tried to keep the defensiveness out of his tone and it came out sounding like a plea.

"But they  _ do _ ! We are great together. Opposites attract, right?"

Armin shook his head slightly. Eren didn't like the pitying look in his eyes one bit.

"Yeah, I guess...but that's even weirder, to be honest. Everything about you and Levi...it's just so...obsessive and ...  _ intense _ ! Yes, that's the word. You guys are just so intense and you only just met."

"I...I don't think-"

"Come on, Eren, you didn't see yourself when he was in the hospital. You were practically breathing to the same tempo as his respirator."

Armin shook his head, but seemed to decide that he hadn't said enough yet.

"You guys  _ do _ make sense...just in a really...abnormal way Eren. Think about it. You start sleeping with the guy, (an authority figure who you clearly idolize) when he's basically your boss, sneaking around, hiding it from everyone. You get so close in a matter of weeks that he literally risks his life for you. You fall into a serious depression when things aren't going well between you two. Develop a major rift in your family over him...and...I'm just gonna say it...and I'm sorry...but the bruises and shit. I know that's how you like it...but that's really unhealthy Eren. Your whole relationship with Levi is  _ really _ unhealthy."

Armin took a shaky breath and put his glasses back on. Eren felt like he was walking through thick fog. He barely recognized his own voice.

"Is this what everyone thinks?"

Armin frowned.

"I don't know what you mean by 'everyone.' It's not like we sit around and talk about it. Everyone really likes you, Eren. And Levi is... _ Levi _ . The people who don't like and respect him are terrified of him. He's not exactly a person who gets criticized behind his back."

Eren couldn't decide if the tears he was suppressing were from desperation or rage.

"So let me get this straight. Levi and I are blatantly unhealthy, obsessive, and codependent and you think we should break up, too?"

Armin frowned, seemingly surprised by this conclusion.

"What? Too? No. Not at all."

"Well now I'm just confused."

Armin got up and sat on the bed next to Eren, putting his arm around his friend. 

"For all it's...fucked-up-edness...he makes you happy. Like,  _ actually _ ,  _ genuinely _ happy, not cheap imitation, pretend-to-be-happy. And like I said, you didn't see yourself after the shooting, Eren. It was like...you  _ died _ and were just waiting for him to join you...or something. It scares me to think that you could be like that again. You're my best friend, Eren. I don't want to lose you."

The air in the room was tense for a minute before Armin spoke again, nudging Eren lightly with his shoulder.

"Where the hell is all of this coming from, anyway? Who is telling you to break up with Levi? And since when do you care what anyone else thinks? You certainly didn't ask for my approval when you started sleeping with him."

The words were harsh but said entirely without malice. Eren was used to Armin's way of speaking by now and wasn't remotely offended. At the same time, it made him wonder just how irritated Armin must have been when he hadn't confided in him.

"Ahh, it's just...Levi's not an easy person to date...that's all. I know he cares about me...he says it all the time... _ in private _ . But in general he's just so... indifferent…"

"Which is hard on someone who needs constant validation?"

Eren threw Armin a dirty look and then went back to studying his jeans. The truth may be insulting but that didn't make it any less the truth. 

"The bruises and stuff...it's not like he's really hurting me…"

Eren trailed off, trying to figure out how to explain this to his friend. The reason he wanted Levi to mark him and bruise him was so that he would still  _ feel _ it the next day. It was evidence that he belonged to Levi, that he could push someone so calm and controlled into such a wild frenzy of desire. They had to be so secretive before, so careful; now Eren wanted  _ everyone _ to know. Levi's willingness to oblige him, his possessiveness, only excited Eren more.

The stinging tightness from the bruises was a reminder of how it felt to have Levi's hands wrapped around him or his lips pressed against Eren's skin. The pain made him feel like it was all  _ real _ . Like he and Levi were real, instead of some hidden, wild fantasy. Eren bit his lip, still avoiding Armin's gaze. It didn't just sound 'unhealthy' when he actually thought it through. He leap-frogged right over unhealthy and landed smack in the middle of  _ batshit insane _ . He finally looked up at the sound of his friend's voice. 

"You don't have to try and explain, man. Everyone has their kinks."

Eren smiled at him weakly.

"Sorry?"

Armin shrugged.

"So that's it? Just some regular, Eren style insecurity? Who is telling you to break up?"

"It's not like that. Austin isn't trying to break us up, he's just worried about me. H-He doesn't understand, that's all."

Armin's eyes narrowed, completely transforming his usually open, kind face into one that clearly showed his shrewd intelligence. 

"And who is this 'Austin' that his opinion matters so much?"

Eren hesitated, not liking Armin's implication. The idea that anyone could come between him and Levi was ridiculous. Preposterous. His own sister had tried and failed. Thinking about Mikasa made the dull pain in his chest caused by her absence flare to life. He quickly subdued it. 

"Tch. It doesn't. I told you, it's not like that. He's just a guy from RPYU. We've been hanging out lately and he mentioned that our relationship seems  _ weird _ . Why would he try to break us up? He doesn't think of me like that. We're friends."

Armin pursed his lips. He didn't vocalize his disbelief, but it was evident on his face. 

"Alright, have it your way, Eren. But a person with no ulterior motive usually doesn't say things like that. Anyway, that's just my two cents. Do what you want with it."

Eren nodded and Armin stood. It felt good to really  _ talk _ to his best friend again, without any secrets festering between them. He had missed this. 

"Thanks for being honest with me, man. Sorry I almost ripped your head off."

Armin shrugged, settling back onto his bed and flipped open his textbook.

"Anytime."

"Hey Ar? I...I just want you to know, I wanted to tell you. I hate that you found out the way you did. I just got so used to keeping it a secret...a  _ real _ secret...the kind you don't tell to anyone… that there was never a time I felt like I could bring it up. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I never meant to."

Armin nodded and by his averted gaze Eren could tell that his assessment had hit it's mark. He hoped his apology had hit it's mark as well.

Armin sat frozen for a minute and then closed his book with a thump, stood up and pulled Eren to his feet, hugging him tightly. He released him before it became awkward. 

"It did. But I appreciate the apology. I also can't really blame you, to be honest. I probably wouldn't have believed you."

Eren laughed and shoved Armin lightly back to his bed. The moment passed and the atmosphere of the room felt lighter, even if Eren's concerns continued to weigh heavily on his chest. 


End file.
